After Midnight
By BlankCanvas

Chapter 1- Pain

I twisted in my bed, trying not to lie on my bruised arm. The clock was moving so slowly, why did it always have to move so slowly? Just 30 minutes till I need to be up… just. As the seconds ticked by, the front door opened downstairs. I could hear the sound of glass on the kitchen floor. That’s my cue… I got up, put on my dressing gown and slippers and headed downstairs.

“What took you so long?” My uncle Paul managed to spit out.

“Sorry. I was… sleeping.”

“Sleeping? I would of thought you’d care more about me… get me a coffee Faith, and hurry with it.” My uncle stumbled over to the couch, clearly still drunk from last night. I made his coffee and took no time in hurrying it over to him. I went back into the kitchen to clean up the broken beer bottle and made myself a cup of tea. I sipped slowly, knowing I had all the time in the world before school. Not that I was looking forward to it.

School had never been a hoot for me. It wasn’t the same as most people. It wasn’t getting up early, or having to do work that I hated. In fact, I really didn’t mind either of those things in the slightest. No, the thing that bothered me was my fellow classmates. Most of them are all right. They ignore me but I don’t mind that. It is the ones that don’t ignore me that are the problem. The leader of this cult is called Alicia Fawkes. Her, her two best friends, and all of their boyfriends, seem to only have one reason for being in school, to suffocate me.

I left the house without a fuss, Paul had already passed out on the couch, and so he didn’t start an argument with me. I slowly got into my blue 1994 Renault Twingo and began the journey to school. West Seattle high wasn’t far, but took about 15 minutes, what with early morning traffic. I turned the corner into the Juniors’ car park and parked in one of the spaces farthest away from the school building. The longer it took to get into that establishment, the better. I locked my car and reluctantly headed towards the school.

Alicia, Taylor and Claire were slouching on the steps waiting for James, David and Aston to meet them. I tried to blend in with the crowd as I walked through the entrance, but they knew it was me.

“Hey red girl!” Alicia called, referring to my deep red hair and lips. Natural, but they couldn’t see it.

“How was your weekend?” Alicia had long Black hair and was just about as skinny as most of the twigs that carpeted the school grounds.

“Fine.” I breathed, knowing the politeness would end, soon.

“Fine. Is that all?” here it came… “I would have thought you would have had a better time than that. The rest of the dorks didn’t want to hang out?”

“Ha-ha.” I muttered under my breath and began to walk through those big wooden doors I knew too well.

“What? I’m sorry I didn’t catch that?” Taylor called after me. Taylor was blond. Her skin was tanned and she looked like she was going to fall over in her stilettos.

“What’s going on?” James called out, putting his arm around Alicia.

“It seems red girl doesn’t like us talking to her.” Alicia toyed.

“That is a pity, I was going to ask her if she wanted to go for a walk in Bournewood at lunch. So red girl… you in?” James was terrifying. I don’t think he had picked on me as much as Alicia had, but when he did things usually got physical. I would normally find myself with a black eye or something by the time he was done, so I knew I had to get out of there.

“No… no thank-you.”

“ Awww… but I was hoping you would tell me all about the nature and… stuff.” Everyone laughed and I attempted to escape.

“I don’t think I’m the person to ask for that.” I replied as I hurried into the now beckoning hallway.

“Come. We’re meeting in the cafeteria at 1… It’ll be fun.” As if I was stupid enough to fall for that. When they were going for a “walk” I would be running to the other side of the school to hide. Childish I know, but what else could I do? Go with them and get beaten up again? No thank you, that was most certainly not something on my agenda today and I don’t intend to make room for it. The thought of James beating me up in the middle of the forest while his girlfriends watched was practically unbearable.

I headed to Trigonometry and stumbled into the classroom just after Mr Watson had closed the door. He eyed me suspiciously.

“Sorry.” Was all I said. He motioned with his head for me to take my seat and I took no time in obeying. I quickly got out my books and began to pay attention to his lesson. I hated trigonometry, but it was better than ending up living with Paul the rest of my life. Not that he’d let me stay very long after high school anyway. I just wanted to pass my exams and then head off to college somewhere far away.

Trigonometry ended, and before the bell finished ringing, my books were in my bag and I was headed for the door.

“Miss Bennett.” Mr Watson called.

“Yes sir?” I gulped

“Try not to be late for my class again.” His voice was sinister, even though his words were not.

“Yes sir. Sorry sir.” I drifted out the door and headed to English.

Finally. I enjoyed English. The only, “Alicians” in my class were James and Aston, and they didn’t bother me much when the girls weren’t there. I took my seat at the window and got out my copy of “Romeo and Juliet”. Mr Coolson entered and James and Aston sneaked in behind him. I heard them laughing and as I turned, they were looking in my direction. By “bothered” I mean not to my face. Mr Coolson seemed to notice and turned to smile at me.

“So? What did you think of Romeo and Juliet?” silence exploded in the room as Mr Coolson got into his swing. “Nobody? Faith?”

Oh thanks, another opportunity to get myself mocked.

“It was… sweet.”

“Favourite character?”

“Paris.”

“Interesting…why Paris? I would have thought you would have picked Romeo or Juliet?”

“So did I. But I think Paris’s story is quite sad. I mean… he loved Juliet, and she left him. Even if she loved someone else, his heart got broken, not to mention he got killed. Everyone else has lives too, and the world always seems to be spinning for the main characters.” Slight snickers echoed from the back of the room, but I ignored them, pulling my hair over my face.

“I knew I could trust you Faith. Anyone else?” no one answered him. Why did I have to open my mouth? I was probably the only one who read it, or understood it for that matter.

“Well, I hope everyone read it because next week you are gonna write me a lovely 2000 word essay on it.” Everyone moaned, but I stayed quite, secretly glad that I’d have something to do for a while.

“Today, however, we’re going to slide past Shakespeare and move on to poetry.” everyone groaned again. “Yeah, yeah we all hate poetry. I know, but it’s important if you want to pass mid term. Lets see what you can do. I know I’m going to regret this… write about anything you want. An experience, something important to you… anything. Got it?” everyone nodded slowly while I hurried for my file block and pen. I loved to write. Poetry was one of my specialities, but I tried to be reserved on that subject.

I began scribbling down notes and as Mr Coolson stopped pacing, I could feel his eyes on me. It was as if this assignment was my reward for reading the book, and everyone else’s punishment for not. Mr Coolson took an interest in my writing. Why? I don’t think I’ll ever know. It was nothing special, just personal to me. I finished writing and began to rewrite it neatly. My handwriting was a mess but it never bothered Mr Coolson, it just bothered me. He was the only thing close to a friend to me at this school and, believe me, I know how sad that sounds.

The bell rang and he collected everyone’s work in. I got up slowly and headed for the door reluctantly for my first study period. I was last out and Mr Coolson called after me.

“Yes?”

“This is really good.” He’s read it already, typical.

“Um… thank you. But I still think it needs some work.”

“They always do Faith, they always do. Good work today, and thanks for your Shakespeare discussion. It was… intriguing.

“Thanks. Was there anything else you wanted?”

“I think that’s about it. Sorry to keep you.”

“It’s okay, really.” He smiled and headed back into the classroom. I headed down to the common room to study and prepared myself for an hour of hell. As I entered the room, it was just as I had anticipated. All six of the Alicians were sitting on the desks and laughing. Not that there was a rule against laughing, it’s just that I know when it is about me, or some other poor kid who they don’t like.

I headed to the other side of the room in hope of avoiding them. It was pointless.

“Hey red girl.” (My name to them.) James was the first to speak. I pretended not to hear and kept walking.

“Yo Faithless we’re talkin’ to you.” David called. I turned round and waited for the ridicule to begin.

“Are coming later or what?” James said.

“I have some work to catch up on.”

“Sure you do… you’re the smartest girl in the entire junior year, forget about work. Just this once?” was he pleading with me? There’s one I haven’t had before.

“I don’t know…”

“Come. Besides I’ll need some company if the girls aren’t gonna be there.”

“You have Aston and David don’t you?”

“Yeah… but we’d like you to come.”

“Why?”

“You said you didn’t have a great weekend. And after your wonderful performance in English, we’re guessing you could do with getting out more.”

“Thanks for your concern… but I’m sure I’ll be fine.” I tried to escape but a hand was on my arm before I took one complete step.

“You’ll be there, won’t you Faith?” James squeezed my arm, and I felt the bruise growing. He looked at me harshly and threateningly.

“Where?” I choked out.

“How about the corner of the cafeteria, by the forest.”

“1pm?”

“1pm.” He let go and I took a deep breath as I headed to my seat. I got out my mp3 and my Spanish books. I plugged the earphones in my ears and began to get lost in ‘The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus’. I tried to concentrate, but all I could get from my mind was worry about later. They were going to hurt me, that much was certain. But would they stick with words or would they take it to the ‘me getting beaten up’ stage. I don’t know, but to be honest, neither of these appealed more than the other.

My hand started to shake and I realised that I had been reading the same sentence for the past five minutes. I kept reading, knowing nothing was entering my brain until the bell went at 12. Just 1 hour to go, Just one lesson. Yikes that’s scary. I packed up my books and slowly floated to the door. I kept my head down as I walked past James, fighting back the tears. He was without doubt, the most manipulative, and the worst of the three guys. It was like there was a vacuum around him, and if you got to close you got sucked in and there was no air to breathe, not in the good way either. When you experience it, you wonder if there’s such thing as a good way.

I entered the Spanish room, taking a breath, and headed to my seat at the back of the classroom. Miss Lorenzo followed me into the classroom and got out her books beginning the lesson. I couldn’t concentrate, not that I expected myself to be able to, but I hoped. The hour went by too quickly and I soon found myself heading to the door. I walked slowly to the corner of the cafeteria that they had said to meet them. I had already considered not showing up, but I knew that I would be beaten up every day for the rest of my existence if I didn’t. Better to experience one day of pain, than an eternity.

There, I found James, David and Aston slouching against the wall twisting something small and shiny in their hands. Aston tapped James, to tell him I was here and the shiny thing disappeared quickly inside his black coat pocket. I felt my heartbeat quicken as I cautiously began the petrifying journey toward them.

“You’re late.” Said Aston.

“Spanish ran on a bit. Sorry.” I replied, trying to contain my fear.

“Oh well, we have plenty of time.” James joined in, his voice ominous. The other two held back a snicker as they leaned off the wall and began to hustle me towards the forest. James was walking in front, never glancing back for one second. The sight of the school disappeared as I stumbled through the trees with James in front of me and the other two at my back. When it was suddenly pitch black in the wood, James turned to say,

“Here will do.” He looked at me in a way that made my legs feel paralyzed to the ground. I felt someone’s arms wrap themselves, painfully around my stomach. Before I knew it I was pinned with my back to a tree while David and Aston stopped me struggling and James began to remove his shirt.

This was certainly not what I had anticipated, and I think I would most definitely prefer to be simply beaten up. My arms were being lined with bruises and my whole body ached as I attempted to scream. It was pointless, not in the least because no one would hear me, but also because I didn’t have any air in my lungs to force out. I could hear laughter as I tried to think of something worse than this… nothing came.

Finally coming to terms with what was happening to me, I tried to struggle free, but I was weaker than them by far. I felt cold, helpless and violated. I knew that the Alicians weren’t the nicest of people, but I never considered them capable of this. Perhaps I should start calling them the “Jameson’s” now that I knew he was the most unkind to me, the most malicious.

I couldn’t feel anything by the time the bell went. It hurt so much I had grown numb. I couldn’t tell whether my eyes were open or not, it was dark anyway. I felt my clothes land on top of me as I lay naked and abused on the forest floor. I couldn’t move, but I realised that my eyes were closed and attempted to open them. My eyelids wouldn’t budge so I kept trying. They eventually opened and I started to drag myself up. I clothed myself as best I could, leaving my violet jacket off.

I clambered my way out of the forest and didn’t even think about school. I hauled myself to my car and turned the keys in the ignition. I felt the tears running down my face as I raced out of the school grounds. I was clearly driving too fast but I couldn’t care less. If I died in a car crash it would only shorten the length of time I had to wait for freedom from the hell that is my life.

I had it all planned out in my head, my mental preparation of what to do if I didn’t die in a car crash. I drove for hours, changing my mind and then changing it back. It was dark before I decided to go through with it. I headed back towards School and drove past it heading north. I raced past Elliot bay and peered out of my, still streaming, tears to see the waves crashing against the sides of the boats.

I sped up as I saw the cliffs ahead and tried to banish the pain from my arms so that I could hold the steering wheel. I drove up to Cambers Cliff (the farthest from town) and parked my car at the top. I lugged myself out of the car and slowly approached the edge. It was a long way down. I wasn’t comfortable with heights either, but I’d jump off a thousand cliffs if it meant never going through that again.

I slowly began to take off my shoes and untied my hair. Everything that had happened to me over the past three years rushed through my mind. James eyes burning like fire when he laughed at me, and his sandy hair being deliberately toyed with by Alicia in front of me. Alicia had always been good at making me uncomfortable, but the prize went to James. I soon found myself crawling to the edge in floods of tears. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, at least not about anything but the pain in my chest. It was like a ten ton mass had been dropped on my chest and everyone watched, but no one helped, or even cared. I composed myself to an extent and felt the bruises on my back as I tried standing up.

The back of my neck ached and burned as I soon realised I had been bleeding. He had held my neck so hard, that his fingernails broke through my skin and I bled. How could anyone be capable of this? I felt the cold air whip around my broken body as I took a step back. I thought of Paul at home, drinking in horror that I didn’t come home to make his dinner for him. I thought of James with his arm around Alicia. I wonder if she knew what he had done? I thought about how empty my life was. As long as hell was not a replica of my life, I should think it would be a 5 star holiday resort. I fought back my fears and began to run into the cold, wet abyss that waited.

My stomach remained with my car as I fell. I fell so far; the cold air hurt my face. I closed my eyes and felt the piercing shock of the freezing water as I broke through the surface of the bay. I didn’t feel that much different. A little colder perhaps, but I still couldn’t breathe. Hopefully this meant my life would be over soon. I opened my eyes after I don’t know how long to find myself still hovering in the black void. Which way was up? I couldn’t tell. I didn’t want to. I felt myself begin to slip into unconsciousness and the stinging in my eyes ceased as they closed.

All I could feel was the cold, the pain as it started to vanish. Just as I thought I was free, something attached itself to me and I could feel air on my skin. I couldn’t open my eyes. It was as if they were permanently closed and I was only half awake. Suddenly, my entire body felt air and I felt warm as something was wrapped around me. I couldn’t tell if I was just back on dry land, or whether I was dead but I hoped for the latter.

I still couldn’t breathe, but I soon felt a pounding on my chest, trying to get rid of the water from my lungs. The pain from my bruises, and I suspected broken ribs, broke through as I guessed I was on the shore, not dead. If I were able to move I would kill whoever saved me. I felt cold water come up the back of my throat and coughed violently to get rid of it. I felt arms support me and try to make me comfortable enough to open my eyes. It was working. I felt my eyelids able to move slightly and soon they opened to gaze upon my cruel rescuer.

End of Chapter 1

Chapter 2- Rescued

Perhaps I was dead after all. I opened my eye’s to see an angel trying to make me feel okay. He was a wet angel to say the least, but he was beautiful. His dark shaggy hair dripped over his face and his eyes penetrated my face. His skin was paler than ice, but that was maybe just because of the coldness of the water. His lips began to move as I tried to hear what was coming out of them.

“Are you alright? Oh my god, you look terrified.” His voice was like a thousand musical instruments playing perfectly to a glorious melody. It was deep and soft like velvet and he stroked my face as he panicked over me. I tried to open my mouth but when I did, nothing came out. The salt in the water had dried it up and the way he looked at me made me want to never look away.

“Ssshhh… its okay. I’ve got you. You’ll be okay.” His voice purred. He tried repositioning me in his arms when I tried to move my legs.

“Oh my goodness. What were you thinking?” I opened my mouth again to discover that my voice existed.

“I…I… why did you do that?” I croaked

“You’re asking me what I was doing, what were you doing? You could have been killed.” He seemed to have genuine concern in his voice, which I wasn’t used to hearing. Not wanting to answer his question I stayed silent, but I guessed that my expression gave me away from the look he gave me.

“You’re not serious. You can’t be… Why would you possibly feel the need to do that?” it was like a cue in a play. Just as he asked me that question his arm moved slightly and the pressure from my “injuries” resulted in pure pain. I tried to conceal it but didn’t do a very good job as I whimper escaped my lips and my eyes closed up.

His face was horrified. He looked down at where his arm meet with my useless body and considered whether that would have been from the fall or something else.

“What… What happened to you?” he pleaded as I tried to support myself enough to stand up. Realising my struggle, he placed his hands gently on my waist and held me up straight. I shoved them off, showing that I wasn’t appreciative for his brave rescue. The moment I did that, my legs collapsed beneath me and he held me up again. I yelped in pain again as his hands clasped my ribs.

“Sorry I…”

“Its okay.” I felt my legs stabilize and removed his hands again, still not entirely secure in having someone touch me. I started to walk away from the shore as I headed for Cambers Cliff to get my car, or if I could get rid of this one, try again. The second time round would surely be quicker.

“Where exactly do you think you’re going?” his gentle voice echoed in the night.

“Car.” Was all I could manage.

“I’m sure.” I could hear the sarcasm in his voice as he hurried after me. “Do you plan on driving it in with you this time? Or are you going to drive it into a lorry?” I didn’t reply as I felt the cool, dry grass hit my bare feet.

“If you won’t let me help you, at least tell me why you did it?”

“I don’t have to explain anything to you. So thanks for the thought but I really don’t want saved.” I think I might have got away if I hadn’t stumbled and almost fell. His faithful arms were wrapped around me, preventing my fall and then re-supporting me as I attempted breathing again.

“Look. Maybe you should go to a hospital, you look like you could do with some rest and you’re certainly in no fit state to be driving.”

“I’m fine.”

“Do you know what fine stands for? Freaked out, insecure…”

“Neurotic and emotional. I’ve heard that one.” As I finished his speech, he looked at me in disbelief.

“I’m alright then.” I emphasised.

“If you’re jumping off a cliff, that’s a clear signal to me that you’re not. You were practically screaming with pain just then. No… somehow I think you’re the farthest thing from fine.” I realised he was still holding me and freed myself from his gaze as I began to walk away.

“Please. If you won’t tell me what happened to you… tell me you name.” Huh. That couldn’t do much harm.

“Faith.”

“Faith.” He repeated in his perfect voice.

I stumbled my way back up the cliff and decided to wait before doing this again. Perhaps I had acted a little out of impulse and had better think this through. At least if I tried it again I will have thought about it enough so that no one will be able to save me. Not that anyone else would. I should think Paul would be relieved to finally get rid of the pebble in his shoe. Apparently that’s all I am to him, and the way he acts, it isn’t difficult to believe it. Not very difficult at all.

When I finally reached the car, I decided not to drive for a while. I sat on the edge of the cliff with my legs suspended over the rim. The breeze was relaxing on my face. My cuts and bruises felt soothed by the gentle air. After a while (I couldn’t tell how long) I got up and got into my car. I tried to remember how to drive as I started it.

Driving back down the cliff, I felt the ten-ton mass reposition itself on my chest. I mustn’t have been sitting there long, because on the beach that I woke up, the man that saved me stood. He was still, like a rock, or perhaps a tree. Such comparisons weren’t worthy of him. Whether I had wanted it or not, this man risked his life to save me. And I threw it back in his face, ungratefully. Sure enough I wasn’t grateful, but I should be. I wished in that moment that I had asked for his name, but there was no way I was going back to do that now.

As I drove slowly through the near empty streets, I wondered what I was going to tell Paul. He’d probably still be at the pub or somewhere now. But when he gets back… I’m dead meat. The only thing I can hope for is that he went out early last night, which isn’t at all likely considering I don’t remember a single time when he has gone out without dinner.

At least it was Thursday. Only one more day of school to go, not including today naturally. The weekend should be all right too, considering Paul will either be drinking, sleeping, eating or watching baseball. I just hope he doesn’t get too drunk. If he hurts me when my body is already… tender… well, I can’t imagine how painful that would be.

I erased the thought from my mind and tried to concentrate on the road. It was getting light as I pulled up into the driveway. Paul’s car was gone so he was clearly still out. It had started raining so I took no time in running inside to warm up. I glanced at the clock. 7:30am. Just an hour until it’s acceptable to leave for school. I decided to write Paul a note first, just in case he didn’t come back until after I was gone. To be entirely honest that was what was hoping for.

After finishing my “sorry” note, I headed upstairs for a shower. After removing my clothes, I noticed why I was in pain. My ribs were covered in deep purple bruises and my arms were the same. My back had deep blue finger marks on it and I examined the cut on my neck. It looked as painful as it was. My legs also had a considerable amount of bruises covering them. The pressure of the hot water was painful, but my face and hair felt refreshed afterwards in being cleansed of the salt water.

After getting changed and drying my hair, a spark of hope entered me. Paul wasn’t home yet. Just 10 minutes to go and I wouldn’t have to deal with him until later. I hurried downstairs to get a cup of tea and shoved a piece of toast down my throat. I threw the remaining tea down the sink and headed for the door. My coat from yesterday was in the car so I didn’t have to hunt for another.

As I reversed out of the driveway, I felt myself lighter, happier. That was until I remembered where I was going. I moved even slower than usual as I drove to school. I parked close to the school today, making sure everyone could see me, making sure he couldn’t hurt me without being seen. The six of them sat in their usual spot on the banister of the steps. I tried not to cry as I pushed myself past them.

“Hey red girl. You weren’t in class yesterday.” James mustn’t have told Alicia what he did, not that I thought he would.

“Yes I wasn’t.”

“Why?”

“I… didn’t feel very well so I went home.”

“My dad said that Paul said you weren’t at home yesterday. You didn’t actually ditch did you Faith?”

“I needed a break.” I hurried up the steps as they laughed behind me. James must have said they beat me up or something, which was, in fairness to him, half true. I hurried to gym, something I have never done before, and wondered how to cover the bruises. I decided I would simply wear my tracksuit bottoms instead of shorts and wore a thermal under my t-shirt. I walked slowly out of the changing rooms and sat on a bench beside some people in my class. I had never spoken to them, but it was better than sitting alone.

I sat in silence, waiting for Miss Redford to enter with her booming voice and strict personality. This, fortunately for me, meant that she didn’t tolerate laughing. However, unfortunately for me she didn’t tolerate slackers either. Alicia entered the hall, laughing with Claire and tying her hair up. She glanced at me and then at my clothes, figuring it out. She got her laughter over and done with now but when Miss Redford entered, everyone went silent.

She made us stretch first, even though I could just about move I managed that much without her noticing how lax I was. We were playing volleyball. Great… a perfect chance to get hit and give myself away. We split into teams. Alicia and Claire were on the other team so I prepared myself for getting hit. As I had anticipated, I got hit in the first game. I let out a whelp and Miss Redford got frustrated with how pathetic I was.

“Look dear it can’t hurt that bad.” She called out in her masculine voice. I had to refrain from crying as my ribs throbbed. She came over and helped me to my feet, making the pain worse. She saw the look on my face and pondered for a moment.

“Keep playing. You’ll be fine.” I nodded, trying not to throw up at the thought. Eventually, I got hit again and she sent me to the changing rooms to get changed. After doing so, I hobbled back into the gym, making sure it was virtually impossible to get hit from where I was sitting.

Finally, the period ended and I headed off for Spanish. It wasn’t my favourite subject in the world; I had never been good at languages. The clocked ticked by slowly, as it usually did, and I started wondering what it was that I was looking forward to. Leaving Spanish? Yeah sure, but having study period? Not likely. The period finished and I looked for any excuse to stay behind.

“Miss Lorenzo?”

“Si Senora Faith?”

“I was… wondering… about that test coming up.”

“What about it?”

“I didn’t quite understand what you were saying about prepositions last week. And I was hoping you could explain them to me?”

“Of course…” Miss Lorenzo went on about prepositions, which was actually one of the few things in Spanish that I understood. The only reason I chose it was because I knew she would ramble on. When she was finished I thanked her and headed off to the final half hour of study period that I had left.

I quietly entered the common room, keeping my head low and heading to my usual seat at the opposite side of the hall from them. They didn’t seem to notice so I sat down and “plugged in” taking out my maths books. The music helped, I wasn’t sure how, but it relaxed me a little. It reminded me that I had music later, the perfect opportunity to get laughed at and disgraced. Mr Clarke was going to assign everyone a “job”. We were going to be performing songs and this was something I was going to be “sick” for. There was no way I was going to be standing up in front of people making an ass of myself, attempting to play an instrument or, God forbid, sing. I planned my excuse as I sat in the corner of the common, keeping my head down. As I came to the conclusion of having a sore throat, something from last night came back to me, that man who had rescued me.

There was something strange about him. Not only did he actually seem to care what happened to me, but also he was… different, from other guys. He seemed really genuine, and there was something off about how pale his skin was. It wasn’t unusual for people in Seattle to have slightly paler skin than people in, lets say, California. But his was somewhat unnatural looking, even considering he had just been in freezing cold water.

What was he doing so far out anyhow? I mean, did he just happen to be swimming in the bay by cambers cliff in the middle of the night? How he got me back so quick I’ll never know. But then again… it might not have been fast at all. I was kind of unconscious anyways so I could have been on a boat or anything. But I was sort of aware of what was happening around me… sort of.

Deciding that I was going to give myself a headache, I dismissed that subject to the back of my mind and tried to concentrate. Not that it would ever happen. Others things found their way into the front of my mind. Tormenting me like a tap dripping, or perhaps someone screaming in my ear while I was trying to focus would be a better description.

The bell rang, so I packed my stuff away and shuffled out of the room. I could feel James’s eyes on my back as I left and sped my walking pace. I had trigonometry next, so I spent most of that lesson staring out the window. Mr Watson’s voice was one of those noises that went right through you. I found myself wondering whether I would actually feel ill by music but knew I would prefer to be faking it.

The lesson came to a close and everyone hurried off to lunch, everyone accept James, David and Aston. Had I missed something? Did James and Alicia break up or something? Since yesterday, they haven’t been hanging out as much. Lunch yesterday, obviously and now again today? Sure they were together this morning but they didn’t look as… intimate as they normally do.

“Something the matter Faith?” Mr Watson eyed me as a hint to get out of his room.

“No… sorry.” I quickly sped out of the room, hoping to go past James without a fuss. Surprisingly, I did, but I could feel them behind me. Perhaps I was getting paranoid. I mean I was headed for the canteen, and the likelihood was that they just happened to be headed that way too. I sped up, just in case. Not that there was even the tiniest possibility that I could outrun them, if they were coming for me.

That confirmed it, I am going mad. I took my seat in the canteen and James carried on as usual. Alicia and her followers weren’t there though. Odd. There must be some sort of music competition or play that they are rehearsing for. The Alicians are like that. I finally realised my own analysis. Alicians. Jamesons. Had they’re group spilt? Or was it just me. Being insane with paranoia, it probably was just me. But there’s always that tiny chance that it might be true.

I got my usual ‘sandwich and apple’ and headed back to my seat. When I was finished I wondered what to do for the next half an hour. I couldn’t go for a walk in the forest like I normally would, not after yesterday. I don’t exactly feel safe in the common room anymore, after yesterday. Just as I tried to think of something else, anything else, that would be at all suitable for me, a seat scraped at my side and before I knew it, I was surrounded by Jamesons.

“So Faith, how you doing?”

“I… you called me by my name?”

“Yeah. So?”

“So… you…” I spluttered out the words from pure shock, “you never call me by my name, that’s all.”

“You haven’t answered my question yet.”

“So I haven’t.” I was surprised by my own rudeness, but you can understand how I felt, to an extent.

“So? How are you?”

“Why do you care?”

“I dunno. Why do you think I care?” as he spoke, his devotee’s held back a snicker. What was I supposed to say to that? I knew the civility would soon evaporate. I tilted my head so that my hair covered my face and folded my arms across my stomach.

“Awww… your not still upset about yesterday are you?” his voice was dark and manipulative. I felt his hand stroke my hair and began to feel myself about to choke.

“I…” I cleared my throat, “I really need to go.” I stumbled out of my seat but a pain in my arm came before I could escape.

“Where you need to be?” excuses… why wouldn’t anything come?

“I…”

“Don’t even think about saying you need to study.” I was literally speechless. What on earth was I supposed to say to that?

“Okay… What are you doing tomorrow then?”

“Just… stuff.” He sighed and eventually let go of my arm, understanding that he was never going to get me to reveal that I’m free.

“I’ll see you in music then.” He put his arm around my waist as he left me standing there, unable to move at my table.

“Yeah, see you later Faithless.” David added, giggling as he left. Aston however remained silent, eying me like I had three heads or something. I had forgotten that they were there yesterday as well.

I realised that I was starting to get stared at and began to hurry out of the canteen. Where was I going? How was I supposed to know… next class? That’s safe right? Sure I’d look like an even bigger nerd but it was better than wandering alone. I got to music and left my bags and coat in Mr Clarke’s room. No one else was here yet; I did have 10 minutes before class started after all.

I decided that there weren’t enough people here and got up to find somewhere safer. The picnic tables were my best bet. People sat there even when it was cold, and by people I mean everyone except a few individuals of whom my avoidance was crucial. I sat down at an empty table and collected my thoughts to “Kelly Clarkson”. I don’t know what I would do without my mp3. It was the only thing to keep me occupied. My life is very dull, I know. Believe me, I know how anti-social I am.

People from my class started to leave heading for music, so I got up after them. I entered the music room and took my seat. The class was almost full. Mr Clarke was just shuffling papers at the front of the classroom, waiting for late arrivals. As I prepared myself for the calamity about to begin, I started to feel cold. My jacket was now looking very friendly but after putting it on I still felt freezing. This was very unusual. The music room was usual roasting. Maybe the heating was bust.

Everyone was in the room now and Mr Clarke had begun handing out papers. Some people moaned at what part they’d got while others looked particularly upbeat. He came to me and I tried desperately to look ill. It didn’t work, at all. He handed me out a page with “research” on top. Thank goodness. I didn’t have to perform. That would have been a complete failure. I began to read down the page as Mr Clarke had instructed and came to a section entitled, ‘performance’. Oh help.

I put my page away to worry about later and listened to Mr Clarke as he described what he wanted us to do. When he had rambled on about ‘experimenting’ and ‘going for it’, he started to come round people individually, explaining exactly what was required of them. Realising I wasn’t going to get away with this, I reluctantly got my sheet out again and began to read the ‘performance’ section.

‘Once you have done your research on music from another culture, you must choose a piece to perform in front of the class. You may play it on an instrument, sing or do both. If music is required to accompany singing you must acquire it yourself. If there are any concerns about this task or for some reason cannot participate, a note from a parent/ guardian or medical representative will be necessary.’

Great. There wasn’t a chance in hell that I could get Paul to write a letter to get me out of this. I suppose I’ll have to do it then. I had better pick a culture that doesn’t have words in the music very often. I could play piano to an extent and had basic guitar skills, but nothing particularly ethnic. This would be difficult. But when was it ever easy, in my life… never.

“Miss Bennett. What are you thinking, culture wise?”

“I’m not sure. But I was thinking something without lyrics. I’m not exactly comfortable singing and I think that music can be a lot more powerful without lyrics. “

“Interesting. Did you ever consider going for British music? There are a lot of fantastic artists over there that we don’t hear from over here, and that would be a lovely theme for your project.”

“You mean… “ I gulped, “sing?”

“Why not? I’ve heard you before and your voice has a lovely tone to it.” All I could think to that was Pity I’m tone deaf. “Think about it. Are there any other concerns? The research part, are you alright with that?”

“Yes, fine.”

“Well then. Good luck. Any more problems, come to me some lunch time and we’ll try to sort it, alright?” I merely nodded, secretly screaming, “Yes I have got a bloody problem!” in my head.

The class ended and I hurried out the door, regretting not having an excuse to get out of doing the assignment. Perhaps I should skip class, to obvious. Why don’t I get desperately ill and have to go to hospital. Maybe that was just a little extravagant on my part. I could always go back to the plan I had in my head last night? It wasn’t full proof and if I did do it, it wouldn’t just be for music. I should have to find a place that would be safer to do it. Last time really was a disaster. I need to start laying groundwork, so that there is no chance of me getting caught. But I think I had better see if I have reason to, considering just how extravagant this would be to get out of a school assignment.

Just one more lesson, just one. Again, I wasn’t sure why I was happy. I still had to go home and face Paul. I had almost forgotten about that tiny detail. Paul would be home, probably watching the baseball. Had he got my note? If he didn’t, he would be extra cranky, if he did, he might have thought it rude of presumptuous of me to suppose he would be okay after I wrote him a sorry note. I would never underestimate Paul. He was likely to be very mad either way.

English went by relatively quickly as usual. I don’t think I can remember an English lesson that went by slower than any other class. I walked out to my car quickly; just in case, and decided it would be worse for me if I were late home. I began to reverse out of the parking space and almost drove into Alicia.

“Watch where you’re going red girl!”

“Sorry” I squeaked, too preoccupied to really care. I then drove out of the car park and headed for the one place I dreaded to be above all others.

End of Chapter 2

Chapter 3- Loosing the Faith

I parked in my usual space beside the oak tree and cautiously got out of the car. Paul was definitely here; his car was parked right next to the front door. I climbed the porch steps and opened the door. The TV buzzed from the living room and Paul seemed to be sleeping. What was I supposed to do? I began to clamber up the stairs and just as I thought our argument was postponed, a dark, tired voice called from the living room.

“You have a hell of a lot of explaining to do.” His voice was not particularly loud, but it was forceful and threatening.

“I left you a note. I’m sorry Paul. I needed books for a school project. It was very important that I got them for my mid term exams.”

“And you couldn’t have popped in last night to let me know?” Paul had stumbled to his feet now. “You couldn’t take 2 minutes to say sorry but I have to go out, hmm?” his eyes had widened and a vein in his head looked like it would burst soon.

“I’m sorry. I suppose I was so worried about the assignment that I didn’t think. I really didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Well you did.” He walked closer to me. So close that I could smell the beer, although it wouldn’t be hard to. “Don’t ever do that to me. Understand?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Make dinner, I’m starving to death here.”

“Sure. Anything you fancy?”

“What about that Pasta thing you did a while ago.”

“Okay. We should have everything for that.” I hurried into the kitchen and began making Paul’s dinner. I wasn’t particularly hungry. Just surprised that Paul didn’t take it any further than that.

I set the table and hoped that Paul wouldn’t change his mind and turn our civilized argument into a fight. I served Paul his dinner and headed upstairs.

“Where are you going?” Paul enquired

“I’m tired. I have homework and stuff to do too.”

“Fine. Don’t be going out anywhere.” Like I was going to. “You’re grounded by the way.” That sounded a bit more like Paul.

“Are you going out tonight?”

“I think so. What’s it to you?”

“Just curious.”

“Don’t be. It won’t get you anywhere.” I left it there and went up to my room. Mr Watson had set us maths homework, so I got that out and got into the unpleasant mindset of algebra. I finished just before eight o’clock and couldn’t think what else to do. I must have been crazy, but I went downstairs to check if Paul was out yet. He was.

Freedom. I put on my black military jacket and headed outside. I often did this when Paul was out. Just went for a walk. Nothing extravagant, nothing sociable, just a walk. Probably a third of my life was spent in the woods of Seattle. It was so quiet, so different from the centre of town. You would think there were two different worlds shoved into one city. I know what you’re thinking, and I’m not some weird nature geek. I just don’t have anything else to do. I just don’t know what else to do.

The air was cold and damp. The tree’s made it darker than outside, which most people would consider impossible. Seattle was unusual in that it seemed to get dark, early all year. At least, earlier than other cities in Washington, like Everett or Bellingham. In the summer it didn’t start getting dark till about eight, but that’s still earlier than Everett.

I was already deep in the wood beside our house. I sat down on a rock and curled up, thinking about “things”. I was tired; it was just catching up on me now. I had forgotten that I hadn’t slept since Tuesday night. My chest still hurt, and my bruises were still very prominent. All I could hear was the sound of the wind. It wasn’t especially windy tonight. Actually it was relatively calm, for Seattle.

A twig cracked. It sounded close, very close. Maybe a hundred yards away. I was far enough into the wood for the chance of me finding another living person to be slim. I looked around me, slightly panicked. Not being able to see anything, I concluded it to have been my insane paranoia that I had developed. It had sounded close though.

I sat there. I had no idea how long, but I did. Deciding that I needed to attempt to get some sleep, I headed back to the house. I got back and, to my relief, Paul still wasn’t back. He sometimes came back early, but usually stayed out all night. He had seemed to be going out more often lately. Not that I should worry, he has little stages when he goes out every night for like two weeks. But I thought he was starting to ease off the alcohol before, now it’s clear that I was wrong. God only knows the state of that man’s liver. I can barely imagine the damage he must be doing to it.

I glanced at the clock in the kitchen. It was 10.30. No wonder Paul wasn’t home yet, I can’t remember him ever coming home before eleven. I climbed the stairs, removing my shoes and jacket as I climbed. I went to the bathroom to shower. Seeing my bruises again brought everything back. I stood there for a while, unable to move. What had I done wrong to deserve this? If there was something, why couldn’t someone just tell me, warn me instead of giving immediate punishment. Is that what this was? My punishment?

I had a long shower. I needed it. The warmth of the water helped. I couldn’t describe how I felt. It was like having blood on your hands and no matter what you did, it wouldn’t come off. Like being covered in dirt, and no matter how much you washed, it stayed on your skin just as bad as before. I couldn’t shake off my feelings from last night. A part off me wanted to go back to that cliff. It wasn’t even just a whisper pulling me back. It was a scream, loud and constant in my head. The other part of me knew that the screaming would soon win.

When I finally forced myself out of the shower, I got changed and got into bed. My room was either very cold, or that shower was hotter than I knew. Either way, it made me shiver. I realised how sore it was to lie down now. I shifted my weight from side to side gently trying to find a half comfortable position. This was way more complicated than it should be. I had known it was unlikely I would get much sleep tonight, but this was just inconceivable. I lay there till three in silence, unable to close my eyes, but at the same time, desperate to.

I shivered at the thought of repeating today, but soon the oncoming sleep was irresistible. Before I knew it I was sleeping. Drifting into another world, somewhere far away. Somewhere hidden and secret, somewhere all my own. It could never last long though. I woke up again at quarter to six. Feeling slightly ill. My head thumped and churned as I tried to recall my own existence. I got up and stumbled downstairs to get a tablet. Paul was home; his car was there anyway. He wasn’t in the living room so he must have made it upstairs.

I swallowed my headache tablet and grimaced at the flavour. I floated upstairs again, not sure if I could manage getting back to sleep or not. I got into bed all the same, and knew I had an entire hour before it was acceptable to get up. I fidgeted with my hair unable to settle again and eventually just sat up. I was unquestionably jaded so I searched my bag for my mp3. The battery was getting low so I decided to charge it. No mp3. What to do, what to do…

I came to the conclusion that there was nothing and just sat there hugging my legs in the silence. I couldn’t think just yet, my brain was still asleep. So asleep it was impossible to tell if it would ever wake up. I didn’t move. I was too dead to move, too lost in my own head. I wasn’t much aware of anything else happening. Just sure of the fact that I didn’t want to do anything. My alarm went off at seven and I slowly rose to my feet, stumbling to the floor when I couldn’t find any strength in my legs. I got up, wincing slightly and headed to the bathroom to get washed.

I looked a mess. My hair was just everywhere and my skin was pallid. I looked ill, even though my headache had calmed, I looked very ill. I splashed cold water in my face in an attempt to wake up. It stunned me sure enough, but I was still unbelievably drained. I felt the need to dive into a pool of freezing water, perhaps that would wake me. But if I did that, I would find it hard to resist staying in the water, to remain without air.

I got dressed in my comfiest, dark jeans and grey sweater. It was hard to care very much what I looked like to other people when I felt this dead. If I were to die, I should hope I would feel a little better than this. I had always imagined death to be like sleeping. For heaven to be a good dream and for hell to be a bad dream. No one could ever be sure, but I suppose you could call that my religion, my belief. I had never been profoundly religious, but the hope of some good thing to help me would be nice.

In a hurry to leave the house before Paul was up, I ran downstairs, almost tripping twice. I made a slice of toast, my hunger catching up on me and hastened back upstairs to clean my teeth. After that I grabbed my bag and yanked my mp3 off the charge. I brushed my hair enough to get most of the tats out and hurried back downstairs in search of the car keys. After finding them I snuck out quietly and got into the car.

I turned the keys in the ignition and began to reverse out of the driveway. I drove at a snail's pace to school and strummed my fingers on the steering wheel in anxiety and agitation. My parking space called to me as I drove into the busy school grounds. I sat in my car for five minutes before going in, knowing I would be too early other wise. I could most certainly have slept, but I didn’t want to be late for class either, so I just sat in silence, contemplating how to get through today.

I stared at my watch until it was time to go in, and got out of the car. The school seemed… more hectic than usual. There were fliers on the front door and scattered all over the entrance steps. People were talking and didn’t seem to have the slightest intention of heading to class. James, Alicia and everyone were too preoccupied in the busyness to notice my existence, and that was how I liked it.

I went to first period and battled to keep my eyelids from closing. It was hard undoubtedly, but I couldn’t chance falling asleep for two reasons. One, I would look unbelievably ridiculous, and two, I don’t think any of my teachers would appreciate it. Especially not Mr Watson. I decided I would just stare at the front of the room and look like I’m paying attention until he asks us to start writing. Then, I would just write random nonsense on the page, not caring anymore about my grades, for obvious reasons.

The bell sang to signal the end of class and I was abnormally slow to leave trigonometry. I dragged myself slowly towards Spanish and sat down, wanting to just walk out of school and sleep standing up. The lesson lugged as per usual and I may as well have been sleeping. It had starting raining outside, and I think that was the only piece of information I learned in class, as I stared out the window all period.

Study period came quickly, too quickly. I was going to go in, but when I saw that there was no supervisor, I decided to have a little walk about first. I went to my barely used locker and dumped all my stuff there so as I would have to carry it about and then headed for the closest door to the basement. On my way I noticed one of the fliers from earlier on a notice board. It read,

WEST SEATTLE HIGH MUSIC CONCERT

GYM

STARRING ALICA FAWKES, TAYLOR BANES AND CLAIRE TURNER

MODERN MUSIC

NOT TO BE MISSED

NEXT FRIDAY NIGHT

9PM TO 12AM

So that’s where they were. That makes sense I suppose, but there was no way in trillion years I was going. While everyone was there I would be in my room, or on a walk. My sad little life was better than a painful little life and as long as I knew what to stay clear of, I would be able to accomplish my sad life and avoid hostilities.

I walked on and finally got to the basement door. It was hard to open but I got it eventually. It was dark as usual and surprisingly warm. It was usually cold down here, but they must have had the heating on early this morning or something. I wandered up my usual path under the science corridors. There was a bit more light there so I could see where I was going.

I meandered through the underground maze, otherwise known as the school basement, for goodness knows how long. I found an empty room and sat down on the concrete floor. It was so quiet. Whilst the air was warm, the floor was cool and a shiver flickered up my spine. I hummed gently to an unknown tune. I had no idea where I had heard it from but it was outstanding in my mind. It was a soft little song, like a lullaby or a song from a different time, but it was beautiful. When it was almost time for the bell to go, I started to make my way out of the labyrinth, and head off for English.

It was a long way back, but I made it to class on time. I sat, as I had in Spanish, staring out the window. Mr Coolson could tell something was different, I knew it, but I didn’t feel like enthusiasm and participation, not today. It’s a Friday at least, but I don’t know whether to be pleased or disappointed. Pleased at the thought of no more school, disappointed at the thought of being at home.

When class ended. James and Aston hung about a bit, but Mr Coolson gave them a look and they disappeared. I, being exhausted, was slower than usual putting my books away. Mr Coolson looked like he wanted to say something when I headed for the door.

“Do you have a minute Faith?”

“Sure. Is everything alright?”

“I was just about to ask you the same thing. Please sit down.” Uh-oh. This doesn’t sound good. He closed the door and sat down in front of me at his desk.

“Is something wrong Faith?”

“No. I’m fine.” I wasn’t a good liar, and I knew it.

“Are you sure? All through my class, and even now, you look awfully tired, ill, almost. Are you sure something isn’t bothering you, you really don’t look yourself?”

“I just didn’t get much sleep last night. That’s all.”

“Well… then there’s something else I wanted to ask you about. Is James your friend now? He just looks... interested in you. He’s been hanging about after class and no offence but he stares at you in the cafeteria. Not that I’m paying particular attention mind you, but it is sort of obvious.”

“No. No, we’re not friends. We aren’t even close.” I answered too quickly and to sharply, but I couldn’t help it. Friends? Was he serious?

“Then… what’s going on?”

“Nothing sir. Like I said, I’m just a little tired.” my eyes were actually aching. I could barely keep them open, or even tell if they were or not.

“A little. Sure.” He looked puzzled and paused for a moment. “Faith you… you can scarcely keep your eyes open.” He spluttered. “I’m worried about you. Please tell me why?”

“You have no reason to be worried.” I kept fighting to keep my eyes open as the silence filled the room. “Can I go now?”

“Ye… No. I’m not naïve Faith. Something’s up with you. And I’m not letting you go until I know.” Wow. It sounded like he actually cared, unusual.

“Well I guess we’ll be here for a while then.” I hid my face in my hair and shifted awkwardly in my chair.

“What can I do? How am I supposed to help you if your not going to tell me what you need help for?” he was shouting now. It stunned me.

“I… I… I don’t need help.” I could feel my eyes filling with water and at the same time, threatening to close.

“Rubbish, you’re scaring me Faith. What’s so awful that you can’t tell me?” I didn’t realise the tears at first. They just started pouring out. My lungs felt heavy and I found it hard to breathe at the thought of telling him the truth, or even part of it.

“Faith… let me help you.”

“Help me? What am I, an insane lunatic? Well I’m not, okay? Please just… just let me go…” I started to get up, but my feet weren’t agreeing with me and were weak beneath me. I stumbled but Mr Coolson helped me up and sat me down again. My eyes were starting to close I could hardly prevent them. My eyelids were fifty times heavier than they should be.

“Faith, look at yourself.” To that I said nothing. I knew what a mess I must have looked, and could partially understand his aggravation with me. I continued to improve the silence as he starred at my overflowing eyes.

“Please. Tell me.” I shook my head and made sure my feet were stable before I stood up.

“You’re not leaving this room until you tell me!”

“What are you going to do? Do you own me now?” I opened the door and marched down the English corridor until I reached the closest means outside. The tears flooded and my chest pounded. I couldn’t find the correct breathing pattern and I could feel myself being noticed.

As I headed for my car, a hand grabbed my arm. This kind of motion was getting way too familiar.

“Something the matter?” his voice was cold, and it was more a statement than a question. I said nothing, but attempted to look at him with enough rage to stare him down. Although my rage was incredible, it didn’t go very well. I could feel two figures behind me, and my arm being pulled back up towards the forest. I wasn’t about to let this happen again. Without knowing how I did it, I stood on his foot with all my weight and ran for the forest. My car was too far away and it would be hard to find me in there if I ran fast enough.

I kept running. My feet ached and I couldn’t breathe, but I kept running. I was going to get lost I knew it, but I didn’t care. I wanted to get lost, and I didn’t want anyone but angels to find me. I couldn’t see, or hear the school anymore. I couldn’t hear the city or even the motorway. I decided to simply walk now. I could hardly feel my own feet beneath me. All of the running had caused them to go numb.

Eventually I just couldn’t walk anymore, I had been walking for so long already, I could be anywhere. I sat down, half collapsing, and tried to catch my breath. I hit my head and couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer and felt myself drift away into oblivion. I could have been flying. I could have been swimming in the sky. Whatever I could feel when I was asleep, was better than anything else I knew.

A leaf brushed against my cheek, and the air around me was suddenly cold. I hauled my head off the ground and felt the bump from where I had hit it earlier. It looked darker than before it had to be night. My mouth was dry and my body felt useless. I tried standing up, and after many attempts made it. I had to keep going. I had to go so far into Bournewood that no one could possibly find me. I knew it was unlikely that they would look for me, but there were loads of hunters in Bournewood, and I didn’t want one of them to find me.

I wandered through the trees. I could have been walking for hours, or seconds. I wasn’t aware of anything, not time, not feeling, not even if there was a breeze tonight. All I was aware of was the fact that I couldn’t stay in Seattle any longer, the fact that I must either leave, or give myself to pure anguish. I could feel myself unable to walk again and had to lie down for a moment. This was going to become a habit obviously. But I’d rather that than hurt my feet so much as to be incapable of running away.

I hadn’t thought of it like that before. I was running away. Running away from everything I had lived through for the past few years. Not that my life was so much better when my parents were alive, but I didn’t dread coming home from school back then. I looked forward to it actually. I made myself promise now, promise never to go back to Paul, to go back to that school. If I died from starvation or hypothermia now, that would be an easier promise to keep, but it sounded simpler than I knew it would be.

I began to realise that I was hungry and tried to ignore that fact by getting up and walking again. Sooner or later I was going to run out of energy completely, but for now I had to use it. I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings and tripped over a branch. I landed on my right arm and it dug into my chest. Suddenly my chest was warm, as the blood rushed to mend the open wound. Since Wednesday afternoon, my ribs had been delicate, and the skin was easily torn.

The pain in my chest made me need to grab hold of a tree. I could barely stand up but by the time I caught my breath the bleeding seemed to be slowing. I just looked a bit odd having a large red patch on my sweatshirt. The ache was still strong, don’t get me wrong, but I saw something ahead that made me need to go forward.

It was a lake, a vast, deep blue lake. The sky was clear tonight, something that rarely happened in Washington. The moon glowed on the lake and its silver reflection glistened in the blackness of the night. I pulled myself towards the water and kneeled by the waters edge. I could see my own refection in the water and began to sob again.

I took of my black shoes and slide my toes into the water. The water was cool and clear. It wasn’t one of those murky brown lakes you see everywhere. It really was “crystal clear”. You could see the grayish blue stones at the bottom in the shallows, and the hints of them as the water got darker in the deep water. The lake must have been 50 to a hundred meters wide. There was a rock face on the far side as well. Unfortunately there was no cool looking waterfall, but I was grateful for the water to be so clean.

I took some of the water in my hands and splashed it in my face. It was refreshing after my skin had been so clammy. There was a pinkish light starting to form in the trees, and I guessed that that light was the sunrise. I stood up and walked, still barefoot towards a large oak tree, leaning over the lake. I leaned against it and breathed slowly, waiting for a better light to get up in. yet again, I found my eyes closed.

It wasn’t like I hadn’t slept in a month or anything. I just missed one night’s sleep. But I suppose, in all honesty, I never had got the right amount of sleep at night, a couple of hour’s maybe, but never a full night. Not in the past few years anyhow. I could possibly be catching up on three years worth of much needed sleep. That’s ironic. Never sleeping at home, but being able to sleep in the middle of a cold, empty forest. Granted I felt more at home here than I did anywhere else.

I woke up for the thousandth time in the one night, to a bright morning. It was sunnier than it had been for a long time, again with the irony. It was warm now. So warm I had to take off my sweater. I was surprised when it stuck to my chest, forgetting about how I had bled last night. I carefully lifted it over my head, conscious of the fragility of my wound. My white t-shirt could have been tie-dyed red. It was bright and the smell made me dizzy. After all this time, I still hadn’t got used to the smell of my own blood.

Suddenly the lake looked especially welcoming. I decided that no one could possibly be this deep in the forest, and took off my t-shirt. I rolled up my trousers as I wadded into the gentle water. I tried washing some of the blood from my t-shirt at least. The redness become weaker with the smell but you could still tell I had been bleeding quite obviously.

The feeling of the calm water on my legs was pleasing and I suddenly had an urge to go swimming. I put my t-shirt back on and took of my jeans. I threw them to the banks with my sweater and eased into the water. While the shallow water had been cool, the water where the sunlight hit it was warm. The transition was gradual, but relaxing.

I floated on my back. Letting the sunlight hit my face. It was so sweet, the warmth of the sun on my skin, the feeling of water at my back. I could feel now, I could breathe now. Everything was perfect until my head jutted against the stone wall. I turned round in a slight panic, confused by the interruption to my freedom.

There was a gap in the wall. Beside where I had hit my head, there was a cavern. It was dry and private. You wouldn’t even be able to see it from across the lake, you know, rocks looking the same and all that. I ducked under the water to get in and came out in an ornate cave. It wasn’t very big, but it was easily somewhere good to sleep.

I climbed out of the water on to a platform and took in my surroundings. There was a ledge that I could lie on at night and the room was surprisingly warm. Light came in underneath the “door” and from a crack in the rock above me. The ledge of the “door” was just above the waterline and so was difficult to see, even up close. This was a perfect place for me to stay, for a while anyhow.

End of chapter 3

Chapter 4- Settling in

 It was starting to get dark again. I still hadn’t eaten anything and my clothes were just dry enough for me to wear. I walked around the lake and climbed the part of the rock face that had the cavern in it. I could see the crack and clambered in through it. I took off my sweater again as the heat of the room overwhelmed me. I could hear the wind picking up outside, but couldn’t even feel a breeze in this small sanctuary.

 The little tune from yesterday came into my head again. It relaxed me further as I lay on the stone bench, naturally carved in the cavern. I felt myself unable to sleep, surprisingly and lay there, studying the moons reflection off the water you could see beneath the “door”. It made patterns in the water, like a spiders web of moonlight. This small amount of light lit up the room in a gentle silver glow.

 Still not being able to sleep, I slid unto the floor and lay there on my stomach, making meaningless patterns in the water with my fingertips. The moonlight danced in the water as I twisted it around in my hand. I could feel myself getting increasingly bored, and was about to go and lie down, when I heard a soft echo in the trees. I couldn’t tell what it was, but it was close enough to hear.

 It sounded almost… wolf-like. There had been stories of wolves in this wood, but no one had ever got proof that there were actual wolves here. If they were wolves, I must be very far in. hunters had sighted them but said that they were as far in as they had ever gone, and that the wolves were in the distance. Another howl rang through the forest. Yes, it definitely sounded like wolves. I am surprised they didn’t find me when I was sleeping. Oh well, its not like they would be likely to find me in here, and to e entirely honest, I didn’t care very much if they did.

 I could here the sound of twigs cracking now. I got up and sat on my bench again. I sat there for a long time, waiting to hear something else, but nothing came. I suddenly realised how tired I was now and didn’t take long to drift into a light, but deeper than usual, sleep. I dreamed about the night I jumped. I dreamed that the skies were made of diamonds, and that that mysterious man who saved me, was an angel. His wings were black as his hair, but his eyes were as old as time and as sincere as anyone’s could possibly be.

 That man was puzzling me. He had seemed really worried about what would happen to me, and yet he was a total stranger. Even the people who knew me didn’t care whether I lived or died, never mind a stranger. I didn’t even ask for his name. He saved my life, and I had thrown it back in his face. I would never stop feeling guilty for that. Something about him made me feel safe, in a way that I’d never felt before. It was like the “I’m doing something I shouldn’t be” feeling, but not quite.

 I woke up in the morning, the sunlight beamed in through the crack in the ceiling and the water. I stood on the bench in order to haul myself from the cave and the sunlight hit my face in a sudden wave. My eyes kept trying to adjust to the light as I clambered from the rock face. I jumped down, stumbling a little and looked around. Noting had changed; perhaps the wolf thing had been a dream? Who knew anymore? My life was so used to being repetitive, that when something new came along, I could never tell whether it was real or not.

 I was starting to get really hungry. It had been a very, very long time from I had eaten last. I could feel my energy lacking, but because I got some sleep, it probably wasn’t as bad as it should be. Perhaps this would be how I died. Perhaps I would never find anything to eat, or a reason to go home, and starve to death. That didn’t seem pleasant, and took a long time, but if it must be, it must be.

 I knew that I would have to leave this lake eventually, but I didn’t see the hurry. I mean, I like it here. It has a safe place to hide, a “swimming pool” 5 star sunbathing and was all in all, extremely relaxing. This place should be a hotel. Maybe not, but I would rather spend the rest of my life here than go back home. It didn’t even feel right, calling it home. Because it wasn’t, and it never would be.

 I lay down by the side of the water, and fiddled with grass, once again feeling futile. What was I supposed to do now? I hadn’t thought of that when I was running from the school. I should really have brought my mp3 or something. Hell, I could even have brought my schoolbag and read Romeo and Juliet. Sad I know. But somehow I think it would be more entertaining than grass.

 I closed my eyes, but didn’t sleep. It was warm, possibly even warmer than yesterday. The weather lately was most unusual. If we were lucky, it might be this warm in the height of summer, but not in March. Usually we had just recovered from the winter by March. Isn’t it funny how things can change so quickly, so inexplicably? Must be something to do with global warming, everything always is nowadays.

 I opened my eyes, ultimately feeling restless from hunger. How was I going to stick this? I wasn’t the type of person to eat a lot, but I did eat, I mean… come on! This was certainly going to be difficult. Difficult not to find another manner of death, difficult not to give in and turn back, difficult not to go mad and difficult not to go to another city one way or another. I had to do something that would occupy my time, something that would take my mind off it.

 I hobbled back to the rock face and climbed down into my cave. Huh. My cave. I suppose it is in a way. I took off my jeans as I had yesterday and slipped into the water. It was just as warm as it had been yesterday. Just as relaxing and uplifting. I ducked under the ledge and began swimming towards the middle of the lake. I ducked under the water in an attempt to wake up slightly. It helped a bit I suppose, but mostly just got my hair wetter than before unnecessarily.

 The water was just as clear as it had been. There was no salt to burn my eyes and I could see the whole way to the bank. There were no fish, only plants and stones at the bottom. It was a long enough way down in the middle. I had to go down quite far to be able to touch it with my feet. I swam down, barely noticing the lack of air and noticed a slight shine in the water. It must have been tiny. I swam down further towards the bottom to try to see it clearer.

 I moved some of the white stones out of the way so that I could get a hold of it. It was a ring. It was a gold ring, with a black stone of some form in the middle. Small white stones, possibly diamonds, surrounded the black stone. I realised that I could no longer breathe and headed for the top of the lake, with the ring in my hands.

 I took a large exuberant gasp for air. My throat was dry when I reached the surface and swam, choking to the edge. When I reached the edge, I got any water from my lungs and lay on my side, breathing as slowly and deeply as I could to calm myself down. I was dripping wet as I endeavoured to sit up. My arms shook as the shock of air pulsed into my skin.

 Still gasping slightly, I pulled the ring to my face. The black stone in the middle was somehow translucent. That shouldn’t be I know, but I could see a red stone in the middle, or something red anyway. I would normally pass something like this off for being plastic, but it looked real. It looked old, yet still preserved. I suppose the fact that there was no salt in the water made it harder worn away.

 The sun glinted off of it as I twisted it in my hands. The gold was a darkish gold, not like you would see plastic to be. It was heavy as well, very heavy. The back stone was mesmerizing. It seemed the more you tried to see the red part in the middle, the harder it was to look away. The red part seemed to move slightly, it was impossible. The ring was impossible. I felt a little scared when I looked at it and I didn’t know why.

 I closed my fist on the ring, the only thing I could do to stop myself looking at it. I suddenly felt the pain rush through me. I was running away, I was possibly going to die here. No one would be looking for me. Paul would be drinking more obsessively from not having anyone to make his dinner and the alcohol would rush to his head quicker for the same reason. Alicia would never know what her boyfriend did and as I thought about that, I felt sorry for her.

 I had never considered that before. My selfishness and pain was covering my eyes. If Alicia didn’t know what James was like, what would happen to her? Would James hurt her too? Or maybe he only hurts people he makes fun of. Whether he would hurt her or not, Alicia deserved better than him. That’s not something I ever thought I’d say, but even Alicia has a good side, I think. James I’m not so sure of however.

 Alicia deserved to at least know what he was like, preferably without revealing that it was me who he did it to. This was unattainable. How could I ever make myself happy when I thought like this? I had never thought that maybe that’s the point, maybe someone else is supposed to make me happy instead of trying to do it myself, but now I thought about it, it depressed me. It was exceptionally improbable that I would have anyone like that, ever. I had to snap myself out of this stupor and pull myself together. I couldn’t last two minutes here if I thought like this.

 I would sooner kill myself than attempt to survive when I was thinking like this. Being here, I had never felt lonelier. Lonely and alone are two very different things. At the moment I was alone but felt lonely. Confusing I know. Lonely is when you want someone’s company, someone in particular, but alone is when you don’t have anyone. I couldn’t believe my own mind when the thought occurred to me. I wanted someone’s company, and have done for a long while; I just haven’t known whom till now.

 I felt guilty about what he did. Or rather my response to what he did. I just didn’t know it was deeper than guilt. I knew I would never see him again, which depressed me more, but it didn’t stop me thinking about him. Why couldn’t I have asked for his name? At least if I knew his name I could know who saved my life. Instead of always referring to him as “the man who pulled me from the water”. That was whom I was thinking of.

 I picked myself up; the ring still clasped in my hand, and began walking back into the water. I swam back to the cave, unsure of what I was feeling anymore. I hauled myself onto the rock and sat down on the ledge, leaning back against the wall as I fiddled with my black treasure. It was a small thing. The band was not overly thick, and the stone was not as big as you would expect it to be. It should be disconnected to me, but I couldn’t help but feel a longing to keep it, even though it kind of hurt to look at it.

 I set it behind me and headed back into the water. I was going to get bored of this very easily. I just wish I had something else to do. I suppose I could have a look around. Making sure I could find my way back obviously, but have a look for another sign of the wolf theory being true. Oh, who knew? I could do that a little later, when my clothes were dry enough.

 I lay on my back, floating on the surface of the water. I was trying to think of other things to do at the same time as trying to figure out how I felt. I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs, and somehow felt like my body was restricting me. Like I was too small for everything inside of me. It wasn’t that I was short or anything, I just seemed to have a lot inside me. It I was standing up, I would be pacing. What did anyone do when they felt like this? Maybe this was what it was like to go mad. Maybe I had finally cracked, or maybe I cracked a long time ago.

 My stomach rumbled again. This was just not working. I should have to start walking again tomorrow. One whole day in one place is just proving too much for my stomach to handle. It had only been just over a day since I had eaten, I think. I had been unconscious for quite a while. But I suppose all the walking and swimming was using up my energy. I had been doing too much thinking today and it was starting to show side effects. My headache came back.

 It was pretty much a constant thing. It came on when I thought too much or something was too loud, or however else normal people get headaches. They turned into migraines easily and often. Since last Tuesday, I have had relatively few considering I had a lot to think about. Perhaps that was an understatement. Only when I had something to relax me slightly would the headache pass. But I have no idea what has been relaxing me this week, or if anything has.

 I eventually just swam back to the cave to dry off. It was still roasting there. My air felt slightly cut off. I climbed out the crack and lay on a flat area of rock I leaned over slightly and rang my hair out, so I would cover myself in a puddle of water. I closed my eyes, trying to think of meadows and birds and whatever else cheesy psychiatrists told people to think of when they were stressed.

 The sun dried my t-shirt and underwear quickly so I climbed back into the cave and put on my jeans and shoes. After doing so, I took a look around, for a reason even I didn’t know and headed out. The sun was still high in the sky. I suspected it was after midday, seeing as it had been higher and I didn’t have a watch. I surprised that all this climbing and swimming hadn’t made my ribs worse, but I think that the heat and the water have helped them. I pressed my hand to my chest, just to make sure. It did hurt, but not half as much as when I found the lake.

 My white t-shirt was still a bit pink from the blood. I hadn’t thought about my injuries in a while. That has to be a good thing right? I don’t know. I think it was because I had other stuff to think off. But now I was just running out. Maybe that’s how people went insane. This may sound weird but most people think it is because they have too much to think about, what if it was the other way round? What if people went insane because they simply didn’t have anything happening in their lives to think of, so their minds emptied. That doesn’t sound completely impossible.

 I had to find something else to think about now. When you start thinking about why people go insane of your own accord, something is wrong. I took a breath as I walked away from the lake, running my hands through my hair in an attempt to snap out of it. It wasn’t going well. I found myself humming that little tune again, and focusing on the patterns that the sunlight might on the ground where the leaves allowed it.

 I trampled through the forest, feeling now the little energy I had in me. I wandered around, feeling this was pointless and began to head back for the lake. It took me a while to retrace my steps, but when I did, I noticed an odd patch near the bottom of a tree truck. It was a tuft of grey fluff, fluff that could easily be fur. Maybe I wasn’t imagining things after all.

 As I walked back to the lake, I found myself checking around myself more than usual. It was getting darker now, but the sun was still well above the horizon, just reaching out over the treetops. The sun was still blazing brightly, but the sky had turned a shade not unlike pink. It was, now that I thought about it, a little colder. Okay, a lot colder than earlier, but still warm for the hour and season.

 I eventually got back to the lake. It was untouched. Just as calm, just as clear, just as perfect and the aura around it was just as relaxing. There was a slight mist forming around the trees, but the air around the lake was spotless. I sighed as I headed up to the rock face once more, intending this to be my last night here. It was kind of sad, but I couldn’t stay here, not anymore. I would drive myself mad soon enough.

 I dropped myself into the crack, and felt my chest tighten. It seemed that as I began to remember that I had bruises, the pain came back. I wrapped my arms around my ribs and tried to think of something else. The room was just as warm as before, despite the cooler weather outside. The golden ring lay on my bench, shining and hurting my eyes. I picked it up and sat down on the bench.

 I curled my legs up and hugged them as I twisted the ring amongst my fingers. I still couldn’t get used to it. The ring seemed to make me feel sad, but somehow I liked it. It was like I would feel if I was happy, it was strong, it was full, but at the same time it made me want to hit something or burst into tears. It doesn’t make much sense I know, but nothing in my life made sense anymore, why should this be any different.

 I sat there staring into the black stone for a long time. By the time I looked up, it was dark outside. There was no more sunshine breaking into the cave. I closed my hand around the ring and lay down on the bench. I lay curled up and awake, unable to stop my brain from thinking. Thinking about everything. I couldn’t help but hear Paul’s voice in my head.

 All I could ever remember him saying was ‘get me a coffee’ or ‘make dinner’ or if the pub was closed ‘get me a beer’. Anything else he said was similar. I began to cheer up slightly, knowing I might never have to put up with him drunk again. But my stomach wouldn’t let me be happy and starting making noises. I could feel myself weaker than earlier, and guessed the lack of food was taking no time proving itself to me.

 My eyes started to close, and I began to fall asleep. But my thoughts stayed on the same path. I dreamt about that night. The night when everything seemed to change, to get worse… the night I jumped. Everything from the moment I got up to the moment I stormed away from him I relived. It was like being banished to my own personal hell, like being thrown into the fire naked and without protection.

 I couldn’t tell whether I was awake or not. I heard my own screams like in the dream, but my sight was slightly impaired. I couldn’t quite figure out where I was, but it was dark. As my eyes adjusted I saw rocks. Not much else to be honest, but I could feel something in my hand. It was hot, and I had to open my hand gently. I pulled the ring out of my sweaty palms, and tried to straighten out the marks that it left behind in my skin.

 I glanced at the stone again, but this time there was no feeling of happiness, just emptiness. I threw it into the corner, planning on forgetting it ever existed and sat down by the water. I stared into space for a while, unsure what I should feel after my nightmares. I acted physically before I knew it in my head. My cheek was suddenly wet with teardrops and I could feel my chest caving in on me. My breathing was uneven and my hands were shaking slightly. I curled into a ball and buried my head in my arms.

 I wept in agony, finding my own existence incomprehensible. I had never been closer to jumping again than this. My mind was already planning but I eventually shut out those feelings, telling myself there was no point. How was I going to bear this, how was I going to ever feel normal? In that moment I considered the possibility that I never would. The teardrops still flooded down my cheek like the River Nile and didn’t seem to want to stop.

 I couldn’t stop thinking about the past few days. It was like a truck heading to smash you against a wall, when there was nowhere else for you to go. The odds of survival were astronomically small. A rough estimate… perhaps one in a billion? It couldn’t be far off anyway. All I could do was try not to break up, try not to go insane if I wasn’t already. God only knows what I would do if I had the impulse of insanity behind me.

 I could see the sun starting to rise from its reflection in the water, and coiled up by the side of the water, waiting for complete daylight before I set out for another place, another sanctuary far from down town Seattle. The silent tears finally ceased, but the thoughts didn’t. The images just kept coming, again and again. I thought for a while that they would never stop, until I heard a few branches rustle and my thoughts were diverted. It was so quiet outside that I would be able to hear anything.

 I stayed frozen on the floor, moving just about as much as the rocky ground I lay on. A part of me wanted it to be a wolf, a part of me wanted that wolf to get in, a part of me was suicidal. The rest of me was merely acting on human instinct. I could hear my own heartbeat in my ears, I could hear my own breath, but I heard nothing more from outside. I lay there, perfectly still, for what could have been hours, but I sort of knew that it could only be minutes. I sat up and tried to look for a reason to exist. Finding none, I lay back down on my back and closed my eyes.

 It wouldn’t be long now till the sun was high in the sky. When enough light was pouring in through the crack in the roof, I got up and climbed out of it, refusing to take the ring with me. I left it on the floor of the cave, and reluctantly headed out. By the height of the sun, it was probably mid morning. The mist from last night had spread to the lake, and I now felt no pain in leaving it.

End Of Chapter 4

Chapter 5- Déjà vu

 I began my hike further into the forest, however a little slower than last time. The lack of food and water was definatly taking its toll. I found myself checking for any more pieces of grey fluff, or any other signs of a wolf for that matter. Anytime I would see something from the corner of my eye, I would check around myself, or slow down for the next few hundred metres. It was like being trapped in a dark room. Like not knowing whether there were demons or not, but paranoia led you to believe there were. In a way I hoped it was just paranoia, but the rest of me wanted something else.

 I didn’t actually know whether I was headed back to Seattle or deeper into the forest. But I guessed by my unknown surroundings, that I was going in the direction of nothingness, and that was how I liked it. I wished I could do something to keep my mind busy, do something to stop me thinking about what has past, and my way of dealing with it. It was so difficult not to slip into my stupor from this morning. So difficult to resist trying again, and I know it shouldn’t be.

 My feet were starting to feel the effect of all the walking. I tripped more than once, and eventually stopped counting. My injuries were coming back now that I had little to preoccupy my mind with. The thoughts of the pain in my arms, legs and ribs blazed in my mind, and probably made the pain worse than it actually was. When I wasn’t thinking about my injuries, I wasn’t thinking about anything. I suppose I was paying particular attention to where the light hit the ground, but nothing more.

 After walking for a, seemingly, a few hours, I sat down by a tree. I tried to catch my breath and in doing so, realised I shouldn’t really be tired out. A few hours at the speed I was walking, shouldn’t cause me to be so out of breath. Maybe my freedom would come soon after all. A thin layer if seat formed at the top of my forehead and the back of my neck.

 It was definatly colder today. I had my sweatshirt tied round my waist, but in resting, realised that I needed it and pulled it over my head. My ribs throbbed a little, and I supposed that they were the worst of my injuries. When I got them, I couldn’t really tell. The pain was just constantly covering me; it was too overwhelming to be able to tell what was worse, the bruises or the brokenness.

 I closed my eyes as I lay there. It was like being wrapped in a lithium cage, the weight of the cold soft metal hugging my chest, making it hard to breath. I felt like there might be a way out, if I wriggled enough maybe I could break free, but when I did that, the metal only clinged stronger. My tune came back to me, but its former beauty was distorted by my desire to disappear. I wanted to just fly away, to fly far away from my life.

 After a long rest, I got up and continued walking. I could have been walking on air. My feet had gone numb and I felt weightless. It was still perfectly silent. All I could here were my own footsteps and breathing, even they were quiet. My breathing was now out of time, and I was running out of energy. I was just going to sit down again, when something caught my eye.

 It was a cream something, a shade or two off cream maybe. Yes, it was more like grey; it mustn’t have been painted in a while. It was a run down cottage. Ivy had consumed its walls and some of the windows had no glass. The straw roof was collapsed on one side, and it looked like it had not been lived in, in an incredibly long time. There were trees leaning over it at the back and the door may as well have been a sheet of tin foil.

 I hauled myself towards the cottage, if it was even fit to be called that any more, and looked inside the shadowy windows. There was no one inside. Not that I expected there to be, but it wasn’t something you would see every day. The place was empty. There wasn’t a single piece of furniture, or a solitary painting on the walls. It was like it had never been lived in, like it was built, and then left to ruin.

 I gingerly climbed in past the decrepit door. It was warmer than outside somehow and the air smelt cleaner. There was little dust, which I had imagined would be coating the floor. The floor was wooden, a dark mahogany-like colour.  I had planned to check the back room to see if there was anything in there, but my legs wouldn’t let me.

 The strain from the walking was too much, and they were like twigs beneath my body. They let out beneath me and I pulled myself towards the nearest wall. I gasped as I tried to get my normal breathing pattern back. I was so tired. I could feel the unconsciousness coming to claim me; it was coming so fast I couldn’t even attempt to fight it.

 Before I knew it I was drowning. I was drowning in the bay beside Cambers Cliff. I couldn’t breathe, and for a split second I thought I was finally free from hell. Then he came. My own guardian angel came and saved me. Or perhaps saved isn’t a good definition. He pulled me from the water and tried to make me okay. He held me, and protected me from my own pain. His dark eyes made me feel secure.

 But it couldn’t last for long. Then, I was being pulled off of him. It was black, everything was black. I was reaching out for him and he for me, but the darkness was consuming me too fast and too strong. My stomach ached and twisted, as I was pulled deeper and deeper into my own personal hell, back into my old life. Now I was back at school, James and his followers surrounded me constantly, and I felt like a mouse in the cave, filled with lions and hawks and bears, I was doomed.

 An aching shiver ran through my body as I lay on the floor shuddering. I couldn’t tell whether I was dreaming or not. I couldn’t see, but I couldn’t open my eyes either. The air just wouldn’t go into my mouth and my entire body felt cold. I felt sticky with sweat and I supposed, as I could feel these things, that I wasn’t dreaming. I was back in the forest now, lying on the ground with David, Aston and James staring at me, laughing. I could taste blood in my mouth and felt myself continue to shake…

 I was still dreaming. Whether the physical side effects were real or just part of the vision I don’t know, but I was still dreaming. He came. James and the rest of them turned to dust before my eyes, and suddenly he was standing there. The man with a hidden name, the man with a heart of gold. He kneeled beside me in the forest and lifted my head. His eyes were the deepest shade of blue I had ever seen, and his skin was just as ashen as last I saw him. His thumb traced the lines of my cheek, and then there was nothing. My nightmares ended, but I still couldn’t open my eyes.

 I felt a kind of clasp wrapped itself around my chest. I could feel myself being lifted off the hard wooden floor. I still couldn’t open my eyes, nor could I breathe at the right pace. It felt like it did before, the same cold clasp, the same feeling of being pulled. Perhaps I was still dreaming, maybe I was still in the stupor. I was too tired to think, I shouldn’t feel tired when I’m sleeping should I?

 I couldn’t help but feel déjà vu running through every cell in my body. Was I reliving this again? Perhaps this time I could be a little more courteous to my rescuer. That is, if that was what was happening. I felt heavy, like I was not being especially helpful to whoever’s arms were lifting me. To whoever was carrying me away to safety. All I could do was hope that that was what was happening to me.

 I couldn’t feel anymore. Everything was just so black. Nothing was happening, no dreams, but I was somehow aware of time. Either that, or I was asleep for an extremely long time. It was like the right to think was taken away from me, but in my case this was not a punishment, but a reward. Feeling was starting to come back. I could feel warmth and comfort… and pain.

 My eyes opened. I had no sense of familiarity with what I saw. Everything was blurry so I couldn’t tell where I was. I tried to sit up to get a better view of the place, but I found that it was difficult to move. My arms wouldn’t move any more than about a centimetre and I couldn’t even stretch my head up to take a look around. A dark figure clouded my already hazy vision.

 The bed I lay on felt like satin. It was warm and soft. A cold hand rested on my forehead and I heard faint whispers in the background. Another dark figure immerged. My vision was getting a little clearer now, and when I could finally see who was stroking my forehead, I knew I had to be dreaming again. It wasn’t possible, not a bit of it.

 I tried blinking; I tried to snap out of it. I had to be dreaming, it just couldn’t be real. I felt my eyes swell up, knowing that when I woke up from this dream I would feel even more depressed by the thought that there was no hope.

“Faith?” The man who pulled me from the bay, the day had jumped, said. I tried to speak, but nothing came out.

“Don’t cry… ssshhh. I’m here. I’ll always be here.” That was just pushing it, this man was more than just depressing me, he was being cruel.

“I…” I managed to croak out.

“What is it? Am I hurting you? How are you feeling?” it all sounded so real. I could feel his cold hand on my forehead, I could feel the satin quilt on my skin, it had to be real but at the same time… it couldn’t.

“I… you’re not… hurting me, I just…” I was bawling my eyes out now, I’m sure I looked very attractive, howling and snivelling as I was. “You’re… not real.”

“You’re not dreaming Faith, I’m here. We found you at the old abandoned cottage in Bournewood. I thought you lived in Seattle?”

“I do but… we?”

“My ummm… friend and I. This is Ravenwood. He and I found you lying in the front room… you looked terrible.” His eyebrows were furrowed now and he looked like he was upset about something. His lips were pursed slightly but he continued to stroke my forehead. The man he was referring to was a tall man, with broad shoulders and light brown hair. He was leaning against a wall near the bottom of my bed.

“What did you mean by, lived in Seattle? Where are we?”

“Everett. You were at the edge of Bournewood forest nearest to the East of Everett. You… you didn’t walk all that way did you?”

“I… no.”

“Then how did you get there? There are posters everywhere in Seattle saying that you’ve gone missing. I mean, its not like you could get the train in a forest could you. Tell me.”

“So I walked. What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that we found you lying on the floor of an abandoned cottage, unconscious. From the way you looked you may as well have been dying. How long is it since you’ve eaten anything?” I had stopped sobbing now, but was concentrating on trying to add up the days.

“She can’t even remember…” a slippery voice called from the corner of the room.

“Let her work it out.” He turned back to me. “How long?”

“About three days?”

“And you’ve been walking for how long?”

“About 1 and a half of those days?” I gulped; he looked like he was going to break something.

“You… you must be hungry.” He turned from me and headed away to another room.

“Where…” I cleared my throat. “Where are we? Like specifically.”

“My apartment.”

“Looks new.”

“It is. I got it yesterday.”

“Yesterday? Wow. Why?”

“I needed a temporary place to stay.”

“Meaning…”

“Meaning I have another place where I live.”

“Oh.”

“Anything in particular you’d like?”

“What?”

“To eat.”

“Oh. You don’t have to… you’ve done so much already. I…”

“Please don’t start that. And don’t think you’re getting away with it; you are going to tell me why.” I cringed slightly as he explored the inside of his fridge. He pulled out a box of eggs and I tried to sit up.

“William… she’s trying to sit up.”

“Please Faith, you need you’re rest. You’re very weak… Raven could you?” the man called Ravenwood came to help me up. His skin was just as pale as him.

“So… your name is William?”

“Yes. At least we know you’re brain is still functional.”

“I’m not so sure.” I said sarcastically. William smiled at me and quickly got back to his cooking.

“What are you making?”

“Omelette. If you don’t like it I can make something else. Anything you want.”

“Omelette’s fine. I’ve… I’ve never had it before.”

“You’re not serious.”

“I am.”

 “I have never met a huma… person that hasn’t tried omelette before. How are you feeling?”

“Fine. I wish you’d stop asking that.”

“Get used to it.” He dished out the omelette and brought it over to me with a knife and fork on a tray.

“You really didn’t need to do all this you know.” More importantly, why did he do it?

“Yes I did. You don’t honestly think I would leave you, frail and broken as you were, in the middle of a forest when you’ve been reported missing to the police?”

“Well… I was reported to the police? Who?”

“You’re English teacher, Mr Coolson was it? Anyway, he said you too had a fight and you ran off somewhere. After that you didn’t turn up for school. He went round to your uncles place after that and asked if you were there.”

“How do you know so much?”

“I… it was on the news. They interviewed him.”

“Who, Paul?”

“No your school teacher. Eat.” It was like an order had been given. I reluctantly picked up my knife and fork and began eating.

“Do you have to look at me?”

“Does it bother you?”

 “Well, why would you want to watch me eat?”

“It’s relaxing.”

“I… explain.”

“You haven’t eaten in so long, its good to see you doing it.”

“Three days isn’t actually that long.”

“Yeah, but you were bound to be hungry, and you walked a lot of the time.” I didn’t argue anymore, deciding I would never win. He continued to watch me eat, while his hand rested on the top of my head. I finished eating and looked up at William, unsure what his expression to my scoffing would be.

“Better?” he asked, a concerned look on his face.

“Yes. Thank you.”

“That’s a change.”

“About last time, I’m sorry.” I had finally said it, I was sorry.

“You mean, you did want me to save you?”

“Well no but, you saved me and… you didn’t have to. No one else would have and you deserve more than the aggravation I gave you before.”

“Thanks, but your not forgiven yet.”

“When am I forgiven?”

“When you tell me why you did it.” To that I said nothing. I felt like I could trust William, but I didn’t know about Raven. He looked so fierce, so severe. My eyes filled up again, but I held back the tears. William sat at my side, staring at me as if I was the only thing in the room. I glanced toward Raven, to check if he was listening or not. William followed my eyes, and gestured for Raven to leave.

“You don’t have to…”

“You won’t talk unless we’re alone, right?”

“Well yes but…”

“But what?”

“I don’t want to… inconvenience you further.”

“Inconvenience. Forget about inconvenience. Inconvenience doesn’t exist. Now tell me.”

“Why do you care?”

“Why can’t you believe that I do?” I felt myself feeling faint and my eyes threatened to close again.

“I…” I could feel my breathing accelerate. William stood up and helped me lie down again. His arms wrapped tightly around me, to make sure I didn’t hurt myself.

“Rest. Tell me later.” The last thing I saw was his face, glaring comfortingly at me. I had no dreams, no visions and no nightmares. It was like my slate had been wiped clean. Like none of it had ever happened.

 My eyes slowly began to open. It was still very warm. The red satin felt soft on my skin and relaxed me. I checked around to make sure it was all real. I couldn’t see William or Ravenwood. The room was empty as far as I could tell. There was no natural light in the room either, just a lamp on a little table in the corner of the room and a few candles on a large, black wooden fireplace.

 I tried to sit up but when I did felt an ache in my chest and arms. I was too weak to move much and couldn’t help but yelp a little. My injuries had definatly got worse. Must be because of the lack of food. When I finally gave up, the door began to creak open a little, just a crack. A hand curled around the door. Then a head started to emerge from behind it. Before I knew it a young woman was standing before me.

 She had brunette hair and olive skin. Her eyes were a rich shade of brown and she was tall. She wore an orange skirt that came to just above her knee and a cream blouse with three quarter length sleeves. She was slim and had begun walking towards my bed.

“Hi.” I said, unsure whether I should know or feel comfortable with this person.

“William didn’t get a chance to tell you that I would be coming did he?” her voice was high and slightly nervous sounding.

“No. Not exactly.”

“I’m Cassandra. But everyone calls me Cassy.”

“I’m…”

“Faith I know. William’s told me so much about you.” A slight smile appeared on her face and made me wonder.

“How much did he tell you exactly?”

“Just how you met, and…”

“And what…”

“That he thought you were really attractive.”

“Sure he did.” I began to wonder what he had really said, knowing that that was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard.

“I mean it. He says you looked so hurt, and he wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“And that translates as beautiful does it?”

“Well, he said you were pretty as well as that. But he wants to help you. He says that you mesmerize him.”

“Really? That is odd.”

“Why?”

“I lead a very sad and boring life. Nothing very interesting happens.”

“William doesn’t seem to think so.” she sat down on the edge of my bed and waited for my response.

“Do you mind me asking who you are?”

“Of course. I’m a friend of William’s. He asked me to look after while he was gone with… work.”

“Oh.” I felt like asking just how close they were, but decided to keep my mouth shut.

“You really didn’t need to come you know. I can look after myself.”

“Sure you can. And that wasn’t you I heard moaning when you tried to sit up.”

“Well I… that’s different.”

“How?”

“ It just… is.”

“He said you’d be like that.”

“Like what?”

“Trying to please everyone else. He said you always acted like you felt like you were putting people out of their way.”

“Aren’t I?”

“I don’t have much else to do. And besides, it will be fun.” She smiled brightly at me. “I almost forgot… Are you hungry?”

“He has told you a lot.”

“He just said you might be hungry. What would you like?”

“I’m fine honestly…”

“Okay I’ll make you something.” she hurried over to the kitchen and started hunting in the cupboards for something suitable.

“You really don’t have to…”

“But I do. He said that if you used the word fine it meant you didn’t want to inconvenience anyone.” What was William, a Shrink? I was a little hungry now I came to think of it.

“What does William do for a living? He never said.”

“He’s a… Lawyer.”

“That would explain the black clothing then.”

“Yeah, I guess it would.” Something about how she said that disturbed me. Somehow I didn’t think that William was a Lawyer. First of all, he looked way too young to have gone through College so quickly, and secondly, he didn’t look or act like a lawyer. Sure he seemed to have the money, judging by the apartment, but his features were too delicate to be a lawyer. And he cared too much. Lawyer’s definatly wouldn’t have time to go out on long hiking trips, nor would they have time for late night swims in Seattle.

 Something definatly wasn’t right. There was something that Cassy was keeping from me, something William was keeping from me. I tried to sit up again, this time with a little more success. My arms barely held, but the point was that they did.

“Do you like French toast?”

“Umm… I wouldn’t know. I’ve never tried it before.”

“So you’ve never had omelette and you’ve never had French toast?”

“A little bit yeah.

“You don’t know what you’re missing. How old are you anyways?”

“Seventeen.”

“You’re still in high school then?”

“Yeah.”

“You act very mature, very polite. William’s twenty.”

“Oh. How old are you?”

“Twenty four.” She put a piece of soaked bread in the pan and headed to the windows. “May as well let some light in, eh.”

“Yeah.” She turned off the lamp in the corner as light flooded into the room. She hurried back to her toast and flipped it. I noticed I was still in my blood stained clothes. No wonder William was so concerned. Perhaps he was just a little freaked out.

“Here we are…” she put it on a plate and brought it over to me on the same tray that William had used.

“I feel like I am enrolling you in the slave trade.”

“Don’t be silly… tell me if you’d like something else. I’m a good cook so I’ll make you anything you want.”

“I’m sure it will be fine.” I began to eat while Cassy started to clear up the eggs and sugar.

“Is it Okay?” she called from the kitchen.

“Lovely. Thanks.” It was very nice. I should have to make this at home sometime. Home. Maybe I really was recovering. How could I ever go back there? How could I face Paul? How could I face anyone? My head started hurting a little as the thought of all the eyes on me made me feel nauseous. I finished chewing and then tried getting up, so as I could help Cassy with the dishes.

“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Cassy came running back into the room to help me.

“Getting up?” I mumbled, unsure now by her expression if it was wise or not.

“I suppose you would want to wouldn’t you.” This seemed like more of a statement to herself other than to me. “Then I will help you.” She took the plate away from me and grabbed my arm. She helped me to hobble as far as the sofa in the living room.

 The apartment was very open. The window beside the bed was open, letting a gentle breeze into the room, and the black curtains were pulled. The living room was pretty much in the same room as the bed. The only separation was an arch in the wall that may as well not have been there as it was so wide. And the kitchen was the same. In the corner of the living room was a desk with a lot of drawers and a very modern looking computer on top. Above the computer, were a number of shelves, all of which were stacked with very old looking books. The computer and the books didn’t look normal sitting next to each other. They looked like they didn’t belong in the same country, never mind the same part of a room.

 All of the walls were a shade of deep crimson, and the sofa looked like its outer fabric was black suede. There were two seats in the living room, not including the desk chair, which was a black leather office chair. There was the large three-seater sofa that I sat on and an armchair of the same style. The huge fireplace with the, now extinguished, tall cream candles on top, faced the sofa. The fireplace was raised on a pale stone platform, and the carpets were a soft cream material that tickled my bare feet.

 Once I caught my strength again, I tried to get up again. Cassy gave me a dirty look and then came to help, but I told her I wanted to try on my own. I mean, how hard could it be to walk? I had eaten so its not like I shouldn’t have the energy. Cassy still followed me about as I took my plate from my bed and took it to the sink in the kitchen to wash up.

 The kitchen cupboards looked like they were made from a costly oak wood. And the handles were chrome. The worktops were well-polished black granite and there was a shiny chrome electric cooker in the centre of the back wall. There must have been at least ten cupboards in the kitchen, some of which were attached to the wall up high. This was temporary accommodation? He sure was rich enough to be a lawyer, but I still wasn’t convinced.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” Cassy asked, sounding agitated at my refusal in letting her help. Control freak, I knew it.

“Yes I am sure. You already did most of the washing up, you have to let me help a little bit.”

“Fine. But I don’t think William will like the idea of you doing work.”

“Believe me, this isn’t work.” I continued scrubbing while there was a pause in our conversation.

“Do you… What would your definition of work be?” I could hear the suspicion and trickery in her voice.

“Did William put you up to this?”

“To what?”

“Getting… my life out of me. The interrogation.”

“Oh… I didn’t mean it like that. William is just concerned, that’s all.”

“But why is he concerned? How is it he knows so much about me?”

“He watched the news…”

“I don’t mean that. He knows when I’m telling the truth, he knows when I want to be alone. When I’m with him… he talks like he has known me for ages. He knows me. Or at least that’s how it seems.”

“Williams is good at reading expressions. Always has been, and I expect, always will be. He always gives the impression of long acquaintance; it was like that when we met.”

“How did you meet?” I had finished washing now and was just leaning by the worktops.

“Why don’t you have a shower and get changed, and I’ll tell you when you get out. It is a long story.”

“But… I don’t have any other clothes. We thought of that. I brought over some of my old clothes for you. I didn’t know what size you were, but William said you looked similar to me. Size 6?”

“Yes. How…”

“He’s good at guessing too.”

“Huh. Okay, where’s the bathroom?” Cassy pointed it out to me as a door to the right of the living room.

“The towels are in the closet along with the clothes.”

“Where…”

“In the bathroom. Its all in there don’t worry.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” She smiled sincerely and I trotted off to the bathroom. My legs still felt frail, but I could hold my balance well enough. It would be good to get out of my bloodstained clothes, of that I was certain. But I still felt guilty for causing Cassy the trouble of bringing hers.

 I went into the bathroom and closed the door. The closet was more like a fancy mahogany wardrobe at the far end of the bathroom. It was huge for a bathroom in an apartment. There was a traditional bath, a toilet obviously, a sink and a rather large shower with jets, along with the closet in the corner.

 I opened the closet door to find it packed with clothing, shoes and accessories. On a shelf at the top were towels and a few pairs of more comfortable clothes. I pulled a dark blue towel from the shelf and began looking through the clothes. I found a pair of dark jeans, similar to mine back in Seattle and a white tank top to wear. There was a nice looking green/brown cardigan that had loose three quarter length sleeves and decided it would do to wear on top.

 I took off my bloody clothes and stepped into the enormous, luxurious shower. It twirled the nozzles in an attempt to turn it on and eventually succeeded. When I did, the water was so cold I could scarcely breathe. I turned another nozzle and got it to a normal temperature. There were three women’s shampoo’s sitting on a little shelf in the shower, none of which had been used. I chose the least expensive looking one and began to wash my messy red hair.

 The jets came on and massaged my skin. It was a shock at first, but they became relaxing. When I was respectably clean I turned off the shower and hopped out. I looked down at my ribs to see if my presumption that they hadn’t healed was correct. They looked just as bad as they did before. They hadn’t healed in the slightest. The skin was just as fragile, there was now a rip in it as well and the entire area was still badly bruised.

 I dried my hair roughly with a towel and began to get dressed. The clothes fitted perfectly, and didn’t feel worn in. Cassy had said ‘old clothes’, but the jeans still had the label on them and somehow I didn’t think that they were William’s style. I brushed the tats from my hair and then placed my towel on the radiator beside the closet. I then walsed out of the bathroom to hear Cassy’s story.

End of Chapter 5

Chapter 6 - Girls Day Out

Cassy was sitting on the couch waiting for me to join her. I sat next to her and curled up in order to get into the mood for an interesting story. I knew for a fact that it would be interesting. William was an intriguing person and, as far as I could tell, so was Cassy.

“So?”

“It is… difficult. I don’t know where to begin.”

“How about at the beginning.”

“That makes sense. But it’s easier said than done.” I let her puzzle for a moment and then she began. “Well, I was working as a waitress when I first met William. He came to my restaurant, well not my restaurant, but anyways. He saw me doodling on napkins at the counter and when he came over to pay the bill, he asked about them.”

“I can’t see you as a waitress. But it explains why you are so keen to cook for me.”

“Yes. Well I was a waitress. Anyway, He said that my drawings were really good and that I was wasting my life away in this restaurant. He said that he knew people who could get me into Art College. That’s when he introduced me to Ravenwood. He had a friend who was very influential and before I knew it I was headed off to the Art Institute of Chicago.”

“What did you study?”

“Interior design. I spent a year there and got a degree. It was probably the best year of my life. I had William to thank for that.”

“Sounds great. You must feel really lucky huh?”

“Yeah I do. I think I’d still be a waitress if he didn’t spot me.”

“I don’t see what was so difficult about that.”

“Well… that’s leaving out all the details.”

“Details?”

“They’re… not very interesting, trust me on this one.”

“Anything is interesting to me.”

“Not this.” Before I could speak again she was of the sofa and heading for the kitchen.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah fine. You Hungry?”

“No thanks. That French toast filled me up.”

“Where do you wanna go today?”

“Go?”

“Yeah. I promised Will I would take you out someplace. Anywhere in particular?”

“I… I don’t know. You really don’t have to do all this. William said the police are looking for me. I had better go and stop them.”

“No!”

“Why not?”

“William doesn’t want you going back there… at least wait until he comes back.”

“Okay. When does he come back?”

“Later. It won’t be till after dark, but the time will fly in. we’ll have a proper girls day out. If you like. If you feel too tired we can stay here…”

“We can go out. Something tells me that you spending a day indoors with me isn’t in your best interest.”

“Why not?”

“I’ll only depress you. Or I could bore you. I’m very good at that.”

“Don’t be silly. Are you sure you’re up to it?”

“Yeah definitely. It sounds fun.”

“We haven’t decided where we’re going yet.”

“Yeah but we are going somewhere.”

“I take it you don’t go out much huh?

“No. No not exactly.”

“So have you seen around Everett?”

“No. I’ve only ever driven through here. I never actually stopped.”

“Then it seems a tour is on the menu. What do you say?”

“Yeah that sounds great.”

“Don’t worry, you won’t be walking the whole time. We can stop and have lunch and I have a car.”

“Don’t waste petrol. I can walk you know.”

“Yeah well… just in case you know.” I sighed, knowing there was no way that I was going to make her believe that I didn’t need her help. I went into the bedroom, planning on making my bed, only to find that it had already been made. I may as well have been a cripple. I would feel less guilty about her doing all this work.

As Cassy planned our day, I went back into the bathroom to get my shoes, and perhaps a scarf. I couldn’t tell whether it would be cold or not. It had been getting cooler when I was in the forest, but the city was like another world, this I knew from experience. There was smoke in the city, buildings that hide the sun, graffiti and sometimes a work of art. There were shops, and traffic and people and life… things that you never find in the middle of a forest. But that’s, in a way, why I liked the forest. It was so quiet, so at peace.

“You ready yet?” Cassy called from the living room.

“Yeah.” I walked out of the bathroom in a pair of brown converse trainers, deciding that comfortable footwear was key. We left the apartment, and headed outside to have our “Girls Day Out” of sorts.

The Apartment blocks that we were staying in were called Avalon WildReed. They looked very expensive on the exterior too. There was a large swimming pool to the back of them and there were lots of car parks and garages in the area. Most of the cars were very flashy. There was no shortage of SUVs or Range Rovers either. Trees surrounded the buildings, but I was guessing that they weren’t the trees of Bournewood.

I followed Cassy as she walked over to a red Peugeot 407 Coupe. It was probably the shiniest car I had seen. It looked brand new and wasn’t the most subtle car itself.

“These are all very expensive cars.” I said.

“Yes, well… most people who live in these parts can afford them. You know about cars?”

“It’s a little obvious… and my uncle owns a car mechanics shop.”

“Does he? From the news I had got the impression… never mind.”

“You had got the impression that he didn’t work right?”

“Yeah… does that happen a lot?”

“All the time. Technically, he doesn’t work. He only checks in once or twice a week to make sure sales are up. Gary does most of the work.”

“Oh. So do you go there a lot?”

“I answer phone calls there on weekends. Its my only job at the minute so I kind of need it.” We got into the car and Cassy started the engine. The interior was all leather seats and the stereo was lit up in a shade of light green. The windows were shaded and everything about the car looked high-priced.

“This is 7th avenue.” She said as we pulled out of the driveway. “It is quite high end I’ll admit, but it’s a nice neighbourhood.”

“It looks lovely.” I secretly thought it looked somewhere where millionaires would live. The houses in the area were mostly white or cream on the exterior and their gardens looked extremely professional. The car rolled smoothly out of 7th avenue and on to a street called East Everett Mall Way.

“We’ll come back here for lunch or a coffee.” She gestured towards Starbucks as we drove past it. We were coming into a more urban part of the city now. There were a lot more people and the traffic was starting to get a little heavier.

“How do you fancy shopping?”

“Yeah that would be fun…” I pondered wondering what she meant, assuming she knew that I had no money with me.

“Don’t worry about money. Will gave me his credit card and told me to spend as much as I want on you.”

“That was nice of him, but I feel guilty enough as it is. I’d really feel better if you didn’t let him get me anything else.”

“Well I wouldn’t, and he would do his nut. Trust me, when William Harwell gives you something, take it.”

“Why?”

“Because if you don’t, he’ll think that you are an impossible being. Or have some phobia to presents. Then he’ll start asking questions. William is good at interrogations, he gets the truth out without you even knowing what you’re saying.”

“Is that advice from experience?”

“Yes.”

“This is the mall. It’s a little bigger than the one in Seattle I think.”

“A little.” The place we had pulled up to was a huge building with glass-panelled walls. The car park was simply enormous and there must have been at least four floors to the shopping centre.

“You can’t come to Everett without coming shopping.”

“I’ve… I’ve heard that.”

We got out of the car and walked to the entrance. I could feel Cassy’s eyes on me, making sure I was okay I suppose. Shopping with Cassy was like shopping with the person who invented shopping. I had never met anyone who talked, walked or spent so much. She went in to virtually every store and tended not to come out without buying something. She kept asking what I wanted but I usually found a way out of her buying me anything. We eventually got into a conversation about William. It was brought up by a model in a cosmetics store that reminded the two of us of him.

“So… how long have you known William anyway?”

“Three years. They have been some of the most interesting years of my life I think. William is a one of a kind man.”

“Yes, I suppose he is. Do you mind me asking…”

“If him and I are dating? I was wondering when you’d finally ask that. No we’re not. William and I are just friends, and we are planning on staying that way.”

“But… there must have been something between you, once.”

“No. William is a close friend; I would do anything for him. But he hasn’t dated in a long time, and lets just say we are not right for each other.”

“How?”

“We just aren’t. I’m not his type and he’s not mine. Why do you ask?”

“I’m sorry I just… I can’t understand why you and he aren’t together. If you’ve known each other for so long and seem to see eye to eye.”

“No.” she sighed deeply.

“What is it? Oh. Do you… want to be with him?”

“No, that’s not it. Promise you won’t tell a soul?”

“Promise.”

“Do you know that guy Ravenwood?”

“Yeah… oh. So you like Ravenwood then.” As I guessed her dilemma, she nodded shyly with an embarrassed grin on her face.

“He doesn’t appeal to most people, but he has been so good to me and… he has such a good heart. That sort of thing is rare these days.”

“Yeah it is.” I mumbled under my breath. She eyed me suspiciously, but let it go this time.

“Do you like this?” she held up a dark purple linen scarf.

“Yeah its nice. Looks very warm.”

“Yeah. Come here and let me see.” I walked over to her as she began draping the scarf around my neck and styling it in the mirror.

“It really suits you.”

“You think?”

“Yeah. It really brings out your eyes. William has blue eyes too you know.”

“Yeah I noticed, but they’re a little darker than mine.” She giggled, knowing only too well that his eye colour was unusual.

“I think you should get this.” I huffed a little, but gave in, realising that it did look quite nice on me. Cassy used Williams’s credit card for the thousandth time and then she decided it was time for lunch. We decided to pig out a little and settled for a McDonalds with all the trimmings. I must admit, it was nice to forget about everything for a while. I don’t think I have ever laughed so much in such a small space of time.

It was such fun with Cassy. She knew exactly how to make you laugh and exactly how to cheer you up. After scoffing down a Mcflurry we headed back to the car.

“Where do you wanna go now?”

“I don’t mind.”

“Typical.”

“What?”

“Don’t you ever just…” she was screwing up her face into an expression that said ’do something’.

“I… I don’t know what you mean.”

“You don’t accept presents, you don’t like people doing things for you and you don’t like deciding for other people.”

“So?”

“So! Your like some kind of… I don’t even know what the word is. You don’t like other people doing things for you.”

“Yeah. I don’t really mind I just think that you and William are being a little… over caring.”

“You mean you don’t know why we care so much?”

“That’s kind of it.”

“When William comes home later, ask him. He’s not usually one to deny that kind of information.”

“Can’t I just ask you?”

“But I have a different reason to Will. Trust me, you’d be better asking him.” The conversation stopped suddenly as she accelerated out of the parking lot. Before long we were talking cheerfully again and she continued to press the matter of me not wanting anything.

“There must be somewhere you want to go.”

“I don’t…”

“…mind yeah I know. Hold on…” she began turning round and parked quickly beside a large old looking building.

“Do you like theatre?”

“I honestly don’t know.”

“There is a show on tomorrow night at 10. You should let William take you. He loves the theatre, and he really enjoys your company.”

“Tomorrow night? I thought you said I could go to stop the police looking for me when William came back tonight?”

“Technically you can go whenever you want, we’re not holding you hostage. But it would really hurt William. Please promise me you’ll stay a while, just so that William knows you’re okay.”

“But I am okay…”

“You can’t know that. And William isn’t usually one for worrying, but you sure know how to make him.”

“It only seems to be him that does. I thought I wanted people to worry before, but now I know that I don’t.

“By worry… do you mean, care?”

“Yes. But promise you won’t tell William. I will tell him. I just don’t think I’m ready yet.”

“I promise. But he does need to know what happened to you. So if you don’t tell him eventually… I will.”

“I’ll tell him. You don’t have to worry about that. He’s a good interrogator huh?”

She laughed at that “Yeah. Yeah he’s an excellent interrogator.” I hid behind my wavy red hair and sat almost in silence while Cassy began driving around Everett. She showed me Everett performing arts centre, the Everett Events centre and all of the little shops she enjoyed. It must have been about 4 o’clock when she took me to the library. She said it was probably the best library for a thousand miles. The library in Seattle was certainly much bigger, but in seeing the inside of it, I knew what she meant.

There were shelves upon shelves of old books that could have been over a hundred years old. No book looked like another and all of them were at our fingertips. The library had two floors both of which had circular walls. There was a large mahogany staircase up the middle of the back wall and it’s banister continued around the edge of the second floor. The ceiling was fitted with plenty of windows, all letting in the sunlight that still blazed richly in the cloudless sky.

Cassy saw my expression and dragged me up the staircase to the second floor.

“You like it here?”

“It’s like… the home of every book written over a hundred years ago.”

“I know, it’s really great. Come with me.” she took hold of my arm and excitedly pulled me over to a set of double doors that had ‘Rare Books’ written in gold on the wood. She typed a few numbers into a combination lock next to the handle. The door opened and she pulled me into the small, cramped room that was simply filled to the brim with bookshelves that accommodated hundreds of rare books.

“What do you think?”

“Think? I can scarcely breathe never mind think. The library in Seattle doesn’t even own a rare books room and I thought that all of the books in this library looked uncommon.”

“Look…” I was surprised when I saw a shelf filled with relatively new looking books. “First editions.” This thought seemed to excite her greatly by her expression. She pointed out all of the Anne rice books (all of which I had copies of at home) and a lot of James Herbert books. Then she brought me over to the manuscripts section and pulled out one book from the dusty shelf. The title read, 1820 - 1829 HANDWRITTEN MANUSCRIPT JOURNAL OF TRAVEL, POETRY AND FABLES BY THE DAUGHTER OF CHARLES DARWIN'S CORRESPONDENT AND FRIEND By Helen Caldcleugh.

“I’ve read it a thousand times at least…” She went on, “Do you know how much it would be to buy this?” I shook my head, deciding it was bound to be pricey. “Two thousand and two hundred American dollars. And this is one of the less expensive manuscripts.” There you go. Was there anything in this city that wasn’t expensive? We spent at least an hour in the rare books section and I could have stayed longer. Just as we were about to leave, a book from the first editions section caught my eye. It was bound in dark brown leather, and looked very tired. I took it from the shelf gently, just curious about it.

The title was smudged slightly, but still legible. It read, THE WORKS OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE By William Shakespeare. It was a first edition, which meant that William Shakespeare had written in this journal that I clutched in my hands. I held on for dear life, not exactly sure what to think.

“Amazing isn’t it. That book… would cost one million dollars.” I gulped as I gently slid the book back into position.

“That was… that… that was…”

“Yes it was. Come on. You look a little pale. Its time to go home I think.” Cassy had to pull me out of the library. If I didn’t get killed when I got back to Seattle, I was coming back to this Library. I would come back every day that it was possible for me to do so.

Cassy was right about one thing though, I was certainly not feeling my best. I felt a little dizzy and my feet ached beneath my heavy-feeling body. I felt ever so slightly out of breath and I would kill for a coffee. We got back into the car and Cassy drove back to Avalon WildReed. She noticed how tired I was and decided not to make too much conversation. We sat pretty much in silence the entire way and when we got back it was no different.

We got out of the car and headed back up to the apartment. The moment we got in I felt a sense of relief boil over me as I saw the big leather sofa simply waiting for me to pounce on it. I tried not to look too exhausted as I hobbled over and collapsed onto it. I clearly didn’t fool Cassy as she sat down beside me looking guilty.

“Maybe today wasn’t a good idea.”

“Are you kidding? Today was one of the best days I have had in a long time. Thank you for putting up with me.”

“Putting up with you? You never stop acting this way do you?”

“Not really, no. This is me. I’ve acted like this for as long as I can remember so you and Will had better get accustomed to it.”

“I think I might be able to. But don’t expect that William will. Now, would you like a coffee?”

“Yes. That would be great thank you.” She hopped off the sofa and quickly headed over to the kitchen. I could hear the coffee percolator bubbling as I lay there, spread out on the sofa. Today had surely exhausted me, but I wouldn’t have changed it for anything. She brought over my coffee and we sat on the sofa together, sipping slowly.

“You feeling any better now?”

“Much. Thanks.”

“Hey… do you wanna watch a movie or something?” I looked around, wondering what she meant as I had seen no television.

“How exactly?”

“Oh there’s a TV in the closet. And William keeps loads of DVD’s.”

“Oh. That would be nice… I think. “

“Don’t worry, they are good movies. They’re not all of those cheesy ‘guy’ movies that most guys like. I picked out a lot of them.”

“Well, in that case, sure that would be nice.”

“Okay. I’ll go get the TV.” I reached to set my coffee on the floor beside the sofa but Cassy pushed my back against the sofa as an order not to help. I heard the closet open, and a few things sounded like they had fallen. A few seconds later Cassy came out carrying a huge silver television. She set it on the light wooden coffee table that sat between the fireplace and us.

“What kind of movie are you feeling like, comedy, rom-com, drama, biopic, fantasy… anything you want, and you’re not allowed to say ‘I don’t mind’.”

“I dunno, rom-com or drama I think, but comedy would be fine too.”

“Fine. How about I call out the titles and you say ‘yes’, ‘no’ or ‘maybe’… kay?”

“Yeah, okay.” I was rubbish at making movie decisions for other people or any kind of decision for that matter. She began calling out the titles to movies. Perhaps I was being over observant but I could have sworn that they were arranged in alphabetical order. She had called out at least 20 when she called out one that caught my attention.

“William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet?”

“Is that the one with Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes?”

“Yeah, it’s the best I think.”

“Me too. Yeah that one would be good.”

“Great! I love this movie.”

“Me too. I cry every time.”

“Oh my gosh like me too. You just can’t help it.”

“I know.” She slotted the disk into the DVD player and hunted for the remote. The main menu came up and after finding the remote she pressed play. We both sat and watched the movie together until about 6 o’clock when we decided that dinner would be a good idea.

“So. What are you feeling like?” Cassy asked me.

“I don’t…”

“For the thousandth time don’t say ‘I don’t mind’.” She rolled her eyes. “Think food. What sort of things do you like?”

“Anything really.” I rephrased.

“Let me help…” she pondered. “Chinese or Italian?”

“Umm… probably Italian but either would be fine.”

“Italian it is. There’s a brilliant restaurant down the road. Do you wanna come with me to order a carry out or would you prefer to sit in or… I could order for you if you’d like to stay here?”

“I’ll come with you, if that’s okay. We can order a carry out, I think I’d prefer to eat it here if you don’t mind.”

“Good good. I must say you’re getting better at answering questions. Promise me you won’t say I don’t mind anymore?”

“I won’t make promises I can’t keep, but I’ll try.”

“Oh well, that will have to do I suppose.” At that she got up and lifted the car keys while I put on my shoes and jacket. We headed out of the apartment for the second time today and got into Cassy’s red car. She turned on the stereo and luckily one of my favourite bands were playing, All Time Low.

“Is this okay?” Cassy enquired.

“Yeah. I love this band.” It didn’t take long to get to the small Italian restaurant that Cassy had been referring to. Se parked the car directly across the road from it and we got out cautiously, avoiding the cars. The one thing I had noticed about Everett was that its people drove like maniacs. We had to run across the street in order not to get killed. A few days ago, Everett would have been an ideal place for me to be for that same reason. All I would have to do would be to step into the road and let someone knock me down instead of the whole “starving to death” ordeal.

We looked at the lit-up menu screen and ordered a margarita pizza. Cassy threatened to get something else but I convinced her that I wasn’t hungry. Either that or she let me off with it. We waited a few moments in silence. By the look on Cassy’s face I assumed she was hungrier than I was. The pizza came quicker than expected and we headed out to dodge the impossible traffic.

Cassy drove us back to the apartment while I sat with the pizza on my knees. The silence eventually started to get to me. Had I upset her? I tried to think back to see if I had done anything offensive. I couldn’t remember doing or saying anything that would have upset her but knowing me I had been insulting her all day without realising. I finally found the courage to ask her about it when we got through the door of the apartment.

“Cassy?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”

“You? Oh no not at all. I just… I dunno.”

“Please tell me what’s wrong.”

“That’s just it, I don’t really know. It’s like an incomplete puzzle and the piece that’s missing doesn’t exist, and never has. Does that make any sense? Trying to describe this is like trying to describe the taste of water, almost impossible.”

“No it makes sense. I get like that sometimes.”

“How do you recover?”

“I don’t. I just sort of put up with it until it goes away.”

“Oh. That sucks. How long does it usually take to go away?”

“I don’t think that’s going to help you. And I suppose it depends. And yes it does suck. A lot.” I knew exactly what she was talking about. I had felt like that a lot especially after my parents died. Since then I had tried blocking out any painful memories to try and prevent it from coming back. We took off our shoes and sat down on the settee to eat our pizza and the mood seemed to lighten awfully quickly. We turned on Romeo and Juliet again and curled up on the couch. After two pieces of pizza I stopped eating. Firstly because was too full (that seemed to be happening a lot since I got back from the forest) and secondly because I was just too tired.

I found myself curling up tighter and closing my eyes. Before I knew it, Romeo and Juliet had vanished and I was asleep. Everything was black. Darkness veiled the earth like a heavy black fog and all I could feel was a shot of cold and pain through every cell in my body. Images flashed through my mind like a slide-show moving at triple speed and before I could attempt to bear it I was writhing in pain…

 End of Chapter 6

Chapter 7- Guardian Angel

 A cold hand gently caressed my forehead. Then it moved down to my check and stroked it tenderly. The pain was beginning to disappear. I couldn’t really tell what was happening. The images were slowing and becoming hazy. Apart from the hand on my check and whatever pain remained, I couldn’t feel a thing. I couldn’t even tell if I was breathing. Was I finally dead? If so, what was the hand that I felt on my face? It was dreadful not knowing what was happening. Sure, remembering was bad, but I didn’t for one second believe that it would result in physical pain as deep and powerful as it was, or for that matter my death. Somehow I don’t think that I am dead, but I’ve been wrong about this stuff before.

The cold hand was now stroking my eyes, tempting them to open. I could feel another hand on my waist too. The pain was pretty much entirely gone now, only a small throbbing in my ribs was left. The coldness on my eyes was relaxing; it made my eyes want to open. It made them desperate somehow. And slowly, extremely slowly, my eyes gave in to that overwhelming temptation.

My perfect stranger, also known as William, was hovering over me, gazing deep into my eyes. His hand still brushed softly over the left side of my face.

“Will…” I tried to apologise.

“Thank God. Ssshhh… jeez Faith you scared the hell out of me.” He pulled my head up to rest in his shoulder and wrapped his arms around my back.

“I’m… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you dare apologize. According to Cassy you haven’t stopped apologizing all day. Its my fault for leaving you.”

“You’re back now. And you had work, I understand. You should have just woken me and I would have gone on my way.”

“On your way where exactly?”

“Well… home. Seattle?”

“Faith.” He sighed and pulled my head back so that he could see my face. His gaze frightened me; it was too powerful, to domineering. “Whatever drove you to runaway, to commit suicide obviously isn’t doing you any good and is obviously back “home” as you say.”

“What else am I supposed to do?” I felt helpless when he talked like that. It was as if I had no hope, maybe that’s what he meant.

“Well you could… you could tell me what happened to you for a start and then we’ll figure something out.”

“How do you mean…”

“Just tell me first. Do you know what happened to you just then?”

“I dunno I… wasn’t I over there?” I pointed towards the living room that was now in the distance. I looked around myself and realised that I was now tucked in to the same red satin bed that I had been laying on last night.

“Yeah. Once you stopped shaking you looked uncomfortable. You didn’t honestly expect me to leave you there did you?”

“I suppose not.”

“So?” he propped my pillows up so that I could lean back on them to tell him my story.

“So… I was tired. I fell asleep. I tried to stay awake but I couldn’t.”

“So is there another reason why you were shaking in a fit or does that happen every time you try to stop yourself from sleeping.” The sarcasm was clear in his voice but it was somehow a concerned sarcasm. It was difficult to explain, it was like he disapproved of my choice of words.

“I… I started to remember.”

“Oh. I suppose you had better start at the beginning then.” He would find a way to get the whole story out of me wouldn’t he? Typical. This was going to be fun… not. I considered where I should start; forgetting that William was there waiting, and time was passing. First I thought I should start with my parents’ death, but then I thought I would leave that bit out, keep the story as short as possible.

“Let me help you. Tell me about where you were brought up.” that idea was down the drain.

“I have always lived in Seattle.”

“With whom?”

“My… uncle in recent years. My parents died in a car crash three years ago.” I couldn’t get away with anything could I?

“I’m sorry.” there was a short silence until he spoke again. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Three years is a long time.”

“Not really, but I’m guessing that’s not why you jumped.”

“No. No it wasn’t.” I paused, then added, “I don’t think.” I fiddled with my hands until he got irritated with my silence enough to pull them apart.

“Please continue.” He sat sideways on the bed and left on hand resting on my waist. It was more than likely there to make sure I don’t fall off the bed or something as ridiculous and overprotective as that.

“So…” I struggled for the right words and then gave up with a sigh. “I don’t know how to say it without sounding lame.”

“It could never sound lame.”

“Oh yes it could.”

“Please, just tell me.”

“I… I don’t like it at school.”

“What age are you I never asked?”

“Seventeen.”

“What happens at school?”

“I… there are these girls. Three of them, and they have their boyfriends as well. They’re… unpleasant. Most people in school ignore me, and I don’t mind that. But these people just won’t leave me alone.” I thought I was going to be physically sick thinking about it.

“You mean they are… cruel to you?” he seemed to notice my discomfort.

“Cruel isn’t a good word. They’re just generally not nice, up to a point.”

“What do they do?”

“What do they do or what did they do?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean do you want general or specific?”

“Specific.” Typical.

“They’re usually just mean to me, but sometimes I would find myself with the odd bruise.” If I was lucky I could get out of this.

“They… beat you up?”

“Only sometimes and it sounds worse than it is. It’s not as if its every day or anything.”

“How often was it?”

“I don’t know. Once, maybe twice a week? Buts it’s really not that bad.” I could feel myself quiver in the fear of his reaction, and of my own memories.

“Twice a week!” he ran his hand through his hair and glared at me seeming fearful. He sighed, “If its not that bad, then why are you still shaking? If it’s not that bad then why did you jump?”

“I… they…” I wasn’t lucky. There was no way I was getting out of this. “The last time they beat me up was bad.”

“I had guessed. What did they do?”

“You really do want details don’t you?”

“Yes. And I couldn’t help but notice,” his hand moved from my waist up to my neck and he pulled my hair out of the way, so my skin was exposed to the warm air of the room. “The bruises on your neck and arms, they match the pattern of fingerprints.” I gasped slightly, knowing I had no hope of getting out of it. I was going to have to tell him everything. I looked down and hid behind my hair in the hope that he would assume I was tired and let me sleep.

“Faith. What did they do?” he was now moving closer to me, and his hands gripped my arms.

“I…” my throat scraped as I felt the memories from that day come back. The cold, dark, cruel memories.

“It’s okay, you can trust me. Tell me what they did.”

“They… Alicia and the girls were at a concert practice that lunchtime. James, Aston and David were on their own. They had been joking about a bit that day and in the study period before lunch, they told me to meet them.” I couldn’t help it. My hand pulled itself towards my mouth and it seemed as though the air in the room was refusing to enter my lungs. “They threatened me. He… James grabbed my arm, said I had to be there.” I felt my eyes swelling and then the tears came. William lifted me off the bed and sat on the armchair beside it, with me in his arms. He stroked my hair as I tried to get the painful words out.

"I tried... it wasn't my fault... I didn't want to go. They... they made me... I..."

“I’ve got you. What happened?” he whispered in my ear.

“I went to meet them. They… they took me into the forest… deep into the forest. Oh God…” I spat out the next few words, exploding into tears. “I thought they were just going to beat me up I didn’t know, I couldn’t…”

“Ssshhh what did they do?”

“They… James… he…” before I could finish, William knew. He saw it in my tears; it was obvious in his eyes. He looked so angry. One of his hands reached up to my face and rubbed the tears from my eyes. His lips trembled almost as much as mine, but for a different reason.

“He… he raped you?” he spat out, looking like he would break something. I couldn’t do anything but nod. His hand moved from my face to my neck and he wrapped me up in his arms, letting his black shirt get smothered in my tears.

“It…” I sobbed, “It hurt so bad. It hurt so bad…” Williams chin rested on my head as he rocked me back and forth.

“He… will never… touch you again. I promise.” As he declared himself my protector, I wrapped my arms around his neck. He made me feel secure, and I liked that. I felt tiny next to him, helpless. But because it was him, it didn’t matter. I trusted William with my life now, and it seemed that he was willing to take on that obligation.

We sat there until I stopped crying, which was, as you can imagine, a long time. William ran his hand slowly and severely up and down my back in an attempt to calm me. It was working. I finally stopped shaking and he lifted my head off his shoulder. He wiped under my puffy red eyes with his thumb and stared me down.

“How are you feeling?”

“Spectacular.” I announced with sarcasm, still traces of sobs in my voice.

“Are you hungry?”

“No.”

“Okay.” He lifted me up again and carried me back over to the bed. He lay me down and pulled the covers over me again.

“You don’t have to…” I tried to stop him fussing. “Sorry.”

“For what?”

“Crying all over you! Putting you in that situation… troubling you with my problems… do you want me to go on?”

“No! When will you ever learn? You have nothing to apologize for. You you’re… you’re like a Goddamn saint. You don’t do anything wrong, then you apologize. You may as well be apologizing for existing.” Apart from when I told him what James had done, I don’t think I had ever seen William so shocked. He looked as if he had never seen me before in his life, like he had never seen anything before in his life. “I don’t get you Faith. The world is malicious and cruel to you, and you are the one who is acting contrite.” He shook his head in disbelief.

“I’m… sorry?” he looked at me angrily, and then we both burst out laughing.

“Hmm… are you tired?”

“Not really.” I surprised myself.

“All the same, you should maybe rest for an hour or two.”

“Will?”

“Yes?”

“Am I allowed to go home tonight?”

“You can’t be serious. After that? No. You’re staying right here until we get that… that… I don’t even want to call him what I think of him when you’re here. Until we get him locked up.”

“Locked up?”

“You don’t honestly expect me to let him get away with this do you?”

“Well no but…”

“But what? You do remember what he did to you don’t you?”

“Well yeah but… he’s only seventeen.”

“Your point is?”

“He’s too young to be put in prison. What he did was… awful. But that doesn’t mean he deserves to have his life destroyed.”

“No one’s too young to be put in prison. And he doesn’t even deserve to have a life that we can destroy.”

“No one deserves that.”

“You think?” His expression was aggressive as he paced the room. “Even if you won’t let me put him in prison for what he’s done to you, he could do this to someone else you know.”

“I… doubt that. But I see your point.”

“Why do you doubt that?”

“There never was anyone else.”

“What do you mean? There was no one else that he was attracted to?”

“No. And I doubt he was attracted to me either. There was no one else that he hated so much to do this too.”

“Why would he do this if he wasn’t attracted to you?”

“Why would he do it if he was?”

“Good point.” There was a short silence. “Would you like a coffee?”

“Sure.” He went over to the kitchen to make the coffee and I got up to help him.

“Go back to bed.” He called just as I reached the kitchen.

“No. I think I’ll just stay here and help.”

“Why?”

“Because I feel useless and awkward lying there.”

“Fine. Here.” He handed me a mug filled with steaming black coffee. We stood there for a moment as I sipped slowly.

“At least sit down.”

“Fine.” I sighed. I walked over to the living room, still a little unsure of my bearings. I plopped down on the sofa and curled up as I did before, sipping my coffee slowly. William sat down beside me, I felt him looking at me again. Sure enough, when I turned round, he was staring at me just as anxiously as before.

“What?” I questioned when he didn’t stop.

“Nothing.” His voice was solemn but he had a slight smile in his lips.

“No seriously what?” this was getting frustrating.

“It’s just… looking at you… you act as if nothings wrong. As if none of this has ever happened to you.” his smile was a little more visible now, but it was a curious smile, one that wanted something from you.

“Well… how do you suggest I behave? Burst out crying and not stop until I’m physically sick? Beg you to protect me and constantly whine at how miserable my life is?”

“Something like that yeah.”

“Well, I’m not that sort of person.”

“I figured that out a long time ago. I just expected something more of you. The odd sign of depression maybe.”

“Do I look happy to you?”

“Not exactly, but you look comfortable, like you are okay with where you are.”

“Well… I am I guess.”

“You like Everett?”

“Not Everett so much as being with people who seem to care. It does get a bit annoying though.”

“Why is it annoying?”

“Sometimes I think… don’t take this personally or anything, but sometimes I think you care too much.”

“You can never care too much.”

“I know but… it makes me feel guilty for giving you so much trouble.”

“You shouldn’t. If you were causing me trouble, then I wouldn’t be helping you.” there was something in the tone of his voice that frightened me. Something hidden away, a deep secret of some sort that he didn’t want to tell me.

“Why are you helping me again?”

“Because you’d have to be a pretty heartless person not to.” His statement was too short, too quick. There was something more to it, I could hear it in his voice, but I wasn’t about to start making accusations. It was too nice having him around; I didn’t want to get rid of him because of my idiotic paranoia and curiosity.

We said nothing for a while. We just sat until eventually, as with Cassy, the silence got to me. I turned to him and he turned to me, obviously sensing that I was looking at him. He smiled a flashing smile and reached up to touch my face. As before, he stroked my check with his thumb and then pulled my head in to rest in his shoulder. We sat there in the silence again. But this time the stillness didn’t bother me. It was comforting, just sitting there in his arms while he played with my hair.

What had brought us to this I had no idea, but I had never felt more at peace in my life. It wasn’t the same as that ten-ton mass being lifted off my chest. It was like the mass had been lifted off, and then destroyed, and for it to come back would be unattainable. I could feel his breath on my hair, and his hand comfortingly on my back. Don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t an intimate moment, but it was more a moment of declaring absolute trust and reliance.

“How are you feeling?” he whispered. All I did in reply was a sigh, in the hope that he wouldn’t move and spoil my sense of freedom.

“Is that your way of saying ‘good’?” to that I had to laugh. It wasn’t what he said, but the way he said it as people say.

“What?” He snickered.

“Nothing. Yes I suppose it is my way of saying ‘good’.” This time he was the one to sigh. He gently lifted my head from his chest and I realised that my eyes were starting to fill up. Why did I always have to ruin things? He wiped beneath my eyes in order to persuade the tears. As my checks flooded, he got a white handkerchief and dried them. I stared down at my hands and fidgeted; now feeling a little uncomfortable with our proximity.

He lifted my chin and pulled my hands from each other.

“I’m here.” I remembered back to what he had said when I had first woken up in this apartment. He had said ‘I’m here. I’ll always be here.’

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” I sniffed. “I just… I dunno. Its all just sort of…”

“Different?”

“Yeah. I’m not used to this.”

“Not used to what?”

“This. Everything. Being with someone without arguing or…”

“Being with someone who cares.”

“Well… yeah I guess.”

“I thought we had already cleared that up.”

“Yeah but… still. I didn’t expect…”

“The truth?”

“Yeah.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you. I couldn’t. Not about that.”

“Then will you tell me something?”

“Sure…”

“Where were you today?”

“I thought Cassy told you, I was at work.”

“What do you do?”

“I’m a lawyer.”

“Are you?”

“Why, did Cassy tell you different?” His voice was aggressive now and it frightened me.

“No. But I don’t believe her.”

“Just leave it okay. That’s something I can’t tell you.” He was getting up now and without realising what I was doing, I was following him.

“I told you my life story, and I get ‘I can’t tell you’ from you? What am I supposed to do with that?”

“You’re not.”

“So I’m supposed to let you keep your secrets will I tell you everything about me?” I was yelling now and so was he.

“Yes! And by the way, I don’t think you have told me everything.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Then how’s about I tell you. I’ll say one word, maybe then you’ll remember.” He paused. “Paul.” He walked past me and whispered in my ear.

“How…”

“Why didn’t you tell me he drinks? Why didn’t you tell me about that?” he turned around again, looking enraged and belligerent.

“How did you…”

“Does it matter? Am I not worth the whole story?”

“Of course you are. I just…”

“What?” He stared at me, waiting for my answer. I had to pause before telling him.

“I’ve never told anyone before. It was hard enough telling you about…” I couldn’t finish my sentence, but both our voices were calm now. His stance settled and he came to stop me from collapsing. Yet again, I was crying. And yet again he had his arms around me in order to soothe me.

“I’m sorry.” I heard him whisper as he kissed my forehead.

“Me too.” Would I ever stop crying? I seemed to be crying for a very long time in the pure thought of everything. I couldn’t help but notice that he still hadn’t answered my question but I wasn’t at liberty to bring it up again, not after that.

“Okay?” he drew my head from his chest again and slouched to my level. I nodded quickly, tears still pouring down my face. He wiped them with his thumb and kissed my forehead again. I heard him sigh deeply and before I knew it, he was carrying me back over to the bed so that I could lie down.

“I’m not tired.” I protested in a whisper.

“Then what would you like to do?”

“I dunno. What do you normally do?”

“Walk.”

“You don’t sleep?”

“Well… not all night. I mean…I usually have a lot of time before work starts and I don’t get tired easily.” I felt like he was lying to me again and sighed.

“I noticed. Wanna go for a walk?”

“I dunno… How are you feeling?”

“For the billionth time, I feel fine. I asked ‘ Do YOU want to go for a walk?’”

“Okay. If you feel well enough to come with me.”

“I do.”

“Then lets go.” He set me down on the sofa while he got his coat and mine. His coat was long and black, and the material looked thick like canvas, but he suited it. I got up and put on my shoes, again. He helped me with my coat and grabbed some keys.

“Where are we going?” I asked

“There’s somewhere I like to go for a walk, I think you’d like it.” I said no more as he led me out the door.

End of Chapter 7

Chapter 8- A Midnight Saunter

We stumbled down the stairs and then out into the parking lot. I didn’t exactly know what I was looking for as I gazed around myself, but something about being alone in the dark with William was rousing. He took me the same way that Cassy had to get to her car. He opened a large garage by pressing a button on his keys and waiting for us was a shiny, black, sporty car. It was some type of Audi. As I stood there like a lunatic glaring at the striking car, William had opened the door on my side and was waiting for me to get in.

I shyly took my place in the black leather passenger’s seat. The entire interior was black and the stereo was lit up in a shade of neon blue.

“What kind of car is this?” I asked as William got into the drivers seat.

“Audi R8 V10. Cassy told me that you are interested in cars.” He started the engine.

“Not interested exactly… just curious. There’s a difference.”

“I know.” He reversed with speed and precision out of the garage and accelerated out into 7th avenue. My head was flat against the headrest as he sped through the streets of Everett.

“You umm… you like fast cars don’t you?” at my obvious statement he sniggered and flashed me a smile.

“I like adrenalin.”

“I guess that kinda makes sense.” I didn’t mean for it to come out sounding rude, but it did.

“What do you mean?”

“You… I never asked, what were you doing in Elliot Bay that day. I mean it was the middle of the night!”

“I was on one of my walks.”

“But how did you get to me when the water beneath cambers cliff has no footpaths anywhere near it?” when I asked the question I had been longing to ask, he seemed to bow his head slightly in embarrassment, still keeping his eyes on the road and driving at the speed of light.

“Let me guess… you can’t tell me.”

“There are some things you’re better off not knowing.”

“I’ve heard that one before too.” We drove in silence for no more than two minutes until he finally parked at the side of a road. It was pitch black outside and there weren’t too many cars on the roads. I opened the door cautiously, honestly scared of hurting the expensive car. William closed it behind me and started walking briskly across the road.

“So… Where are we going again?”

“San Francisco isn’t the only ‘city by the bay’.” I followed him, having to run to catch up with him. The other side of the road had a very wide pavement with benches lining it for as far as I could see. The far side of the pavement was fenced with a, just above waist-height, concrete wall. William was standing there with his hand beckoning me to come and join him. I walked to the wall and leaned over to see a dark, vast, bay with waters almost as still as the lake in Bournewood. There was a beach directly below us with pale white sand and some benches of its own.

“What do you think? Nice place for a walk?” William was leaning over the wall like me with his hands clasped together.

“Yeah… do you mean here or there?” I pointed at the beach.

“Well… both. Come on.” He had is arm out-stretched for me to walk ahead of him. I wandered to his side and we both walked along the side of the road, occasionally gazing over at the sea. Silence… again. What was with these people and not talking? I couldn’t stand it and eventually just stopped walking.

“Are you okay?”

“This whole ‘not talking’ thing is… well to be honest its…” I sighed. “It’s really getting on my nerves.”

“Oh. Okay. What would you like to talk about?”

“I dunno… Anything! Best movie you’ve ever seen, funniest memory, where you grew up… I’ve told you everything about me, or at least you seem to know everything about me. I don’t even know your last name.”

“Oh. You wanna know about me?” to the look on his face, all I could do was nod as if it should be obvious.

“Oh. Well my last name is Harwell. I don’t know what the best movie I’ve ever seen was, I grew up in England and I have very few funny memories.”

“That’s it?”

“Well… what more do you want to know?”

“Tell me about how you grew up. Hold on... you grew up in England?”

“Well… yeah. I mean I’m not English but I spent quite a long time there when I was a kid. I was born on a farm in Colorado, way out in the country. And then my parents moved to London.”

“Gosh, so where else have you been?”

“All over the place. I spent quite a lot of time in Europe, probably because my brother lived there.”

“I didn’t know you had a brother. Where does he live now?”

“We don’t know. He went missing a few years ago.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. What was he called?”

“Alexander. It was a long time ago.”

“How long?”

“Long.” That frustrated me. There was a slight pause as we slowed down our walking pace.

“What else?” I asked.

“I dunno…”

“You said that your apartment was temporary, where did you live before?”

“Oh. We have this place outside Everett.”

“Who’s this ‘we’ you keep referring to?”

“Oh… umm… I live with some friends. Ravenwood included.”

“How many is some?”

“A lot.”

“How many is a lot?”

“Does it matter?” he was getting a little tense now, and I suddenly felt a little guilty for upsetting him yet again. I decided that shutting up and staring at my feet was now the best option.

“Look I’m… I’m sorry. I just don’t see why you need to know all of this.”

“Is ‘this’ one of those things you can’t tell me?”

“Yeah. Yeah it kind of is.”

“Okay. So tell me about your parents?”

“Why?”

“I dunno… to make conversation maybe?”

“Okay… well like I said they owned a farm in Colorado. Then they moved to London because my dad started a new business. He was creating a partnership with an old friend. Then one day he didn’t come home from work.”

“Do a lot of people in your family go missing?” Was that too insensitive? He giggled at that.

“To be honest yeah. I think its just coincidence though.”

“What about your mother?”

“She didn’t work.”

“So? Tell me what she was like.”

“She died two years after I was born. I don’t really know much about her.”

“When did your father go missing?”

“When I was 14.”

“That must have been lonely.”

“Nah it was alright. I had Alexander so…”

“Where did you go after that?”

“Alexander was 19 and he had his own place in Paris, so I lived there for a while.”

“You lived in Paris?”

“Yeah.”

“For how long?”

“Until he disappeared. Then I started travelling around Europe and Asia, until Ravenwood contacted me and I came here.”

“And I’m not allowed to know what he contacted you about, right?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” If will and I were going to be friends, he would either have to tell me secrets, or I would have to trust him and get over it. It looked as though it was going to be down to me to keep the peace so I didn’t comment on his secrecy. How long I was going to be able to keep this up I had no idea, but I could surely try.

“So what age were you when you moved here?”

“20.”

“But… I thought you were twenty now.”

“I am.”

“How long ago did you move here?”

“A while, not very long.”

“So… a few months?”

“Something like that.” His reply confused me, but I didn’t ask.

“But… you know you’re way around like really well.”

“I do. I didn’t take long to pick up.” a question nibbled at my brain, but I didn’t want him to get the wrong impression.

“So… are you planning on… staying here?”

“Yeah, I think so.” He turned and smiled at me. “Are you getting tired yet?”

“No.”

“Come on.” He grabbed my hand and led me down a set of steps. They lead to the beach. He sat down on a bench and I sat beside him. He was taking his shoes off and said, “I’ve always wanted to do this.”

“Do what?”

“Barefoot on the beach.” He picked up my legs and swung them round so that they rested on his knees while he took my shoes off. That just made me laugh, and apparently he thought it was funny too.

“Mademoiselle?” he held his hand out like a gentleman to help me to my feet. That made it impossible for me to keep a straight face, but I took his hand anyway. I took my shoes from him and we began our stroll along the beach, barefoot. Our hands parted, but we walked pretty closely beside each other. The sand slide between our toes as we walked, there was no breeze and the air was fairly warm. I asked him more questions about his brother and his father, but he remained just as shut off as before. I know that I’m not going to be able to keep up the tolerance of his secrecy for long, but I had to give him a chance, I had to try.

“So… if I’m not allowed to go home tonight, when am I allowed to go home?”

“I told you already, once we get James sorted out… and your uncle.”

“Not Paul.”

“I don’t mean put him in prison or anything, unless you want me too, but… you need somewhere to stay. Somewhere where no one can hurt you.”

“Hurt me? You talk as if I’m some kind of… cripple, someone that everyone can easily hurt. Well I’m not, okay? I don’t need your help I can look after myself.” That made me angry. Was it just me or was I always coming across as the damsel in distress to William.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I only meant that bad things have happened to you and I'm not going to let them to happen again.”

“And how are you supposing to do that?”

“By any means necessary.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I won’t let them hurt you. It means I don’t care what I have to do.”

“What YOU have to do? You’ve done so much already… I’m not a topic of charity you know. I don’t want you to help me any more, I can handle it… and quite frankly I’m worried about why you want to help so much.”

“Don’t be.”

“Why?” there was a pause in our argument. I did have to open my big mouth and spoil everything didn’t I? Maybe all the arguments I had with Paul weren’t his fault. Maybe I had caused them. Maybe they were my fault. I realised that William was staring now as I stood there, still clearly upset.

“Because I only have one reason for helping you.” William gripped hold of my elbows and looked down at me. “I can’t bear the thought… of anyone hurting you.”

“That doesn’t answer the question. Why can’t you bear it?”

“I don’t know. But I never meant to distress you. I only wanted to make things better for you.” As he gazed down at me, waiting for my answer, my mind went blank. I was being ungrateful again wasn’t I. I didn’t know what to say. I thought of sorry, but I didn’t think that he would be grateful for another apology. I pulled myself closer to him and wrapped my arms around him, burying my head in his chest. He stroked my hair and kissed my head again.

“Its okay.” He muttered.

“Is it? I mean everything was going fine until I opened my big mouth and…”

“Don’t.” his voice was short and acute.

“But… I always do this, aren’t you fed up with me?” he laughed at that.

“You. I could never be fed up with you. But you always do what?”

“Turn things into an argument.”

“I think you’ll find that I’ve been doing that. And I’m very good at it.”

“Just… promise you’ll tell me why. Someday. I just need to know.”

“When I know… I’ll tell you. I promise.”

“Thank you.” he hugged me for a few seconds more, and then we went back to our stroll, accept this time he kept an arm reassuringly at my back. In all honesty, it was nice having William around. I just didn’t want him to go to so much trouble for me. It was… frustrating. Knowing that there was nothing I could ever do to repay him. But William could never let things lie at such a mute point and soon had me laughing again.

“New scarf?” William asked. I had forgotten about that. I was still wearing it from earlier.

“Yeah.”

“It looks good on you.”

“Thanks.” Was it getting warmer? I was staring at my feet, yet again, while William was obviously staring at me, yet again. How was this ever going to work out? He was a twenty-year-old angel and I… I was an ugly, selfish, argumental, little seventeen-year-old girl. I swung my shoes with my left hand while letting William put his arm around me. This was creepy. I had always thought William to be sensitive but I never thought anyone would be able to put up with me for this long.

“Wanna go?” he had suddenly stopped as we got to another set of steps. We had walked a long way considering the halt our argument had caused.

“Sure.” I managed to conjure a word! It surprised me more than it should have. But William didn’t seem to notice my hysteria.

“I… I never really asked you, how are you’re…” he pointed towards my ribs.

“Better. I didn’t know you knew they were what hurt most.” They were actually still really sore, but they were a bit better.

“First of all, your shirt had blood all down it, and second of all, the night we met? I moved my hand a bit and you were practically screaming when it touched your ribs.”

“Oh. I wasn’t screaming was I?”

“You wanted to. It was clear that you were fighting as hard as possible to conceal it, and I think you and I both know that you did make some noise.” I thought back to that horrible night.

“I did didn’t I?” I said, remembering the ordeal. He nodded, looking sombre.

“Yeah a lil’ bit.” He turned his head slightly to the left as we stood on the pavement across the road from his car.

“What is it?”

“Nothing.” He turned back to me with an obviously artificial smile on his face.

“If your ribs are still bugging you tomorrow, get Cassy to bandage you up.”

“Okay.” I would never ask her to go to the trouble, but I had to stop William from fussing. “Hold on… won’t you be here tomorrow?”

“I’ve got work. I could call in sick if you want, but I would be very boring, we wouldn’t really be able to leave the apartment.”

“I don’t mind that. But I wouldn’t want you to take day off work just for me.”

“Who said it would just be for you?” he smiled at me. I couldn’t help but laugh at his line and my own awkwardness.

“What? So I like spending time with you.” he looked a little bemused.

“Be serious. No one likes spending time with me.” I laughed, knowing all too well the truth in my own statement.

“I am being serious. And you are just being…” he sighed, “You.” I found myself fidgeting with my hands and staring at my feet until I saw his feet coming closer to mine. He pulled my hands apart again and put his hands on my waist.

“I’ll take tomorrow off.” His hands placed themselves on my hips as he lifted me up to his level. He set me down on the wall and I was still shorter than him. William was very tall now that I thought about it, but I wasn’t exceptionally small.

“So. If you are sure you don’t mind staying in the apartment, what do you want to do tomorrow?”

“Do you honestly expect me to answer that?”

“I suppose not, but I’m hoping?” we both giggled as our forehead leaned on one another. “Are you tired?”

“A bit.” I was getting tired. Very tired actually.

“Pardon me Miss. Is this man bothering you?” a voice called.

“Huh?” I looked up from my own thoughts to see a policeman standing, looking suspiciously at William. “What? William? No.” my own voice was a little slurred from being so close to Will. “No.”

“My apologies.” He walked away quickly still a little curious towards us. William laughed, and I wondered what for.

“What’s so funny?” I asked still dazed.

“He thought I was harassing you.”

“Why?” I asked. He laughed again.

“I’m standing here with my hands on your waist and your looking at your hands as if you don’t know me.”

“Oh. Is that funny?”

“To me it is.” he lowered his head, still chuckling in contemplation. “Maybe we should go soon.”

“Why?”

“Your tired.”

“Only a little. Its not like I’m going to die or anything.” I sighed a laugh.

“You want to stay?”

“Well, if you don’t mind. When we get home you’ll only make me sleep I know it. Its nice being here… just talking to you.”

“Well that’s true.” He laughed. I looked down at my hands again. Was it just me or did William know exactly how to make me feel nervous? I only ever looked at my feet or fidgeted when I was nervous, and I couldn’t count the amount of times that I had been doing it since I had met William.

“Is something wrong?” William put his hand on my shoulder.

“No.”

“Why do you do that? You know, stare at your hands. Am I making you uncomfortable?”

“Not at all. I just…”

“What?”

“I’m not used to this.”

“Not used to what?”

“Everything. Just being here. Talking to you, laughing. It’s just been a long time from I’ve talked to anyone like this.”

“Join the club.” He looked down at his feet for the first time this evening, and I jumped down off the wall so that I could see his expression. He lifted his head and said, “It comes with the job.”

“That would be the job you can’t tell me about right?”

“Yeah.” He sighed. “Look I’m really sorry the way I’m a wee bit rude and stuff when I talk about it. I just… You can’t ever know what I am.”

“You’re not a serial killer are you?” I was hoping he would take that question seriously if it was true, and sarcastically if it wasn’t. But, to be entirely honest, I don’t care if he is a serial killer. He’s the nicest person I’ve met.

“No.” he laughed. “Not exactly.” He giggled to himself. “But it isn’t the safest job in the world. If you could really call it a job.”

“Oh.” That worried me a little. If he got hurt, who would I turn too? Maybe that’s selfish, but I didn’t want him to ever leave. He was the only good thing in my life, and if that was taken away from me, I literally wouldn’t have a life anymore. “Don’t get yourself killed. Promise me.”

“I promise. And you’ll find I’m a tough guy to get rid of.” That made me blush, as the second part seemed to be applied to me and not his job. He ran his hands up and down my arms comfortingly and then fiddled with my hair. I could feel myself blushing again.

I started to realise my own sleepiness as we continued to walk along the roadside. He had his arm round my back and was rubbing my arm, clearly sensing I was getting cold. He told me more about his time growing up, and what his brother was like. I just walked and listened, never interrupting his tale.

“… Well, just before he disappeared, he had a bit of a mental breakdown. He didn’t really remember things he should and he got confused a lot. He started taking things really seriously and getting angry easily. He didn’t seem like the same person, and then he disappeared.” I continued to listen, hoping he would tell me more, but all that followed his speech was silence.

“Will?”

“Yeah?”

“Why did you stop?”

“We are going back to the car. You’re tired, and cold. Anyway, don’t you think I have talked enough for one night?”

“No. I want to hear more.”

“I’ll tell you tomorrow. We’ll have a lot of time if we’re going to be in the apartment all day.”

“Fine.” I mumbled. He walked me to the car and opened the door on my side. I got in and let him close the door behind me. I had never seen anyone do that before, accept in movies. But William was very courteous. He got in too, and drove us home in silence.

End of Chapter 8

Chapter 9- The Numb

Once we were back in the apartment, Will took my jacket and hung it in the closet. I sat down on the sofa in the living room, still hoping he would tell me more about himself and his brother. He came back in looking relaxed in his loose black shirt. He sat down beside me and I turned round to hint that I wanted to know more, now. He shot me a, ‘not ruddy likely’ kind of look that hinted for me to go to bed. I was tired, regrettably, but I didn’t care. William was one of those intriguing kinds of people that whatever he said made you want to know more. Still, I couldn’t refuse him either. I got up slowly and walked back over to bed.

“If you want to change you know about the wardrobe in the bathroom.” He called out, standing up.

“Just out of curiosity… Where will you sleep?”

“Here on the…” he cleared his throat, “on the couch.”

“Why don’t I sleep…”

“No.” he interrupted. “You need your rest, just get changed and go to sleep.”

“Are you…”

“Yes I am sure.” That annoyed me a little, I felt as if I was robbing him of his place to sleep, but I couldn’t win with William. I walked into the bathroom to find something suitable to sleep in. A pair of black satin pyjamas sat in the top shelf of the wardrobe. Again, they looked expensive. But what didn’t around William? I put them on and splashed some water in my face. The top had thin straps and the bottoms had very wide legs. They were very comfortable though; it just made me feel bad causing Will and Cassy so much trouble. I brushed my teeth with a toothbrush that was still packaged as it lay in the closet and then headed back to bed.

I was shocked as I walked into the living room to find William standing there shirtless. He had already got himself a blanket but it didn’t look particularly comfortable.

“Look are you sure you don’t want me to…”

“I am sure. A lot of the time I would fall asleep here anyway. Its not half as uncomfortable as I looks.” He was walking a little closer to me now. It alarmed, almost frightened me, for him to be so close.

“Get some rest. You look tired.”

“Thanks.”

“I don’t mean…”

“I’m kidding. Cool it.” He stood there for a while as I hobbled over to the bed. He was still looking at me as I clambered beneath the covers, but he settled when I turned out the light. He took off his belt and turned out the main light in the living room. I heard him climb beneath his own blankets, but after that there was silence. I felt like it would be too noisy for me to move, or breathe. It was weird being alone with William like this. Sure we had been alone all evening, but the darkness upset how the air between us had felt earlier. It was so quiet I thought that if I listened hard enough I could hear him breathe.

I gave in, and rolled over, hoping I hadn’t made too much noise. A muffled sound arose from the two satin materials rubbing against each other. I listened, but I couldn’t hear a thing. Not the sound of traffic, nor the sound of his breathing. I could only hear the sound of my own breathing and hoped he couldn’t hear it too. But like William had said, I was tired. It wasn’t long until my mind couldn’t think about the sounds in the apartment, and could only focus on the black sheet of silk that was pulling itself over my consciousness.

Not again. Twice in the same evening. It was running through my mind. All of it. Every tiny detail that I couldn’t quite collect when it was happening was being poured through my mind like blood from a bottle. Thick, and uncontrollably disturbing. I could hear them laughing. I could feel it happening again. It was just as filled with horror as when it actually happened. The same feeling of helplessness, of pure disgust in not only him, but also myself, ran through my veins as it had before. I felt repulsive. I felt violated. Empty. The repulse was not all I felt. It was just as strong as it had been that horrible day, the pain. I couldn’t breathe.

Images ran through my mind. Such images. James, Aston and David. Laughing. Toying. Torturing me. I struggled; I tried to get them off me. I tried to stop it. I was just as weak as I had been before and trying to resist was just as hopeless. My blood seemed to freeze in my veins, unable to get back to my heart in time. I thought I was going to die, and I hoped I would. Why did it ever come to this? How? I kept struggling, my ribs throbbed in agony and my legs felt like the bones in them had been crushed. My arms ached and my resistance didn’t help them.

It was cold. So cold and dark that the entire world could have been in outrage, on fire, and I would never know. Fire felt impossible. The only fire I felt was the fiery pain on my body. Something touched my skin gently. Which was something that had not happened that day. James, Aston and David turned to smoke in my mind. I was in the water now, at the bay by Cambers Cliff. My guardian angel had his arms around me. He saved me. The last thing I saw was William’s face, gazing at me with seemingly genuine concern and comforting.

Then I woke up. The same anxious face was staring at me. His hand supported my head like a newborn baby. I realised just then that I was settled in his knee. This wasn’t half awkward. He sat on the bed, with me propped up against him. I was crying. I hadn’t noticed. His hand slid over my skin, drying my tears as they say. But in this case it was quite literal. The tears streamed down my face and both of us said nothing. A tear slipped from Williams eye. I knew why I was crying, but why was he crying? I don’t think that me waking him up was a basis for anguish. I tried to hold myself up, but once again found it difficult to move.

“Don’t… don’t move its okay.” He repositioned me as he had on the beach that night so that I was more comfortable. I caught my breath and gasped as he pulled me up towards him. He put his other arm around my back and pulled me in to cry in his chest. Was anything ever going to be normal again? I couldn’t really remember what normal was, but I did remember how things used to be.

“What did you see?”

“Do…” I sobbed, “Do you really… have to… ask?” I could barely breathe because I was bawling and blubbering so much. His hand slid down the back of my head and stroked my hair tenderly. He slid his hand in behind my hair to the back of my neck and massaged it slowly with his icy fingertips. I felt him kiss my head softly as he had earlier. We sat there until we saw a gentle glow coming through the curtains and heard the sound of rushing cars outside in the early morning traffic.

Eventually we moved. I gently moved away from his bare chest and tried to free myself from his strong clasp. He looked at me with his deep blue eyes and I nodded. Silently telling him I was okay. He seemed to understand the gesture and began to get to his feet, lifting me as he went. He set me down but didn’t let go of my arms to make sure I was stable. I gently released his arms from mine and found that I could stand without his support.

“Hungry?” he asked quietly.

“No.” I shook my head, still a little dazed from my second convulsion in one day. Or at least, that’s what William said it was. Some sort of seizure triggered by the memories.

“Do you want a coffee?”

“Okay.” He took my hand in his and walked me over to sit at the worktop in the kitchen. Like an utter gentleman he pulled out a chair for me and began to make my morning coffee. Before I knew it he was standing at my side again as I sipped the steaming black coffee. He rubbed my back gently with his hand and sat down beside me.

“Better?”

“Much.” I would be surprised if he had heard me, but he seemed to have done. I sipped the coffee, clasping the warm mug in my hands for dear life. The feeling of the stifling coffee bubbling in my chest was comforting, like the feeling of William’s hand on my back was comforting. As I finished, William began to get up again. He took my mug from me and washed it. I was about to get up and help, but then he looked at me, and I had no choice but to sit down again.

“I see you are still determined to help out?” William responded to my reaction.

“Yeah… it’s weird just watching you do stuff for me. I can’t help it. Its an automatic reaction.”

“Well it shouldn’t be. Its nice that you want to help, but not do everything yourself.”

“Helping you wouldn’t be doing everything myself.”

“Yeah, but you need to get out of the habit.” I couldn’t argue with him any more. I had completely run out of words. So I just sat with my head in my arms frankly a little annoyed at myself. It wasn’t as bad as the argument we had had on the beach last night, but it was the sort of one that we had when we met. The sort of ‘what is wrong with you’ kind of argument instead of the ‘tell me who you are’ kind. The silence scared me a little so I thought I might try and ask about his opinion on my going home.

“So have you given anymore thought to me going home?”

“We’ve talked about this.”

“No. We’ve argued about this. Come on! You said yourself the police are looking for me, it would be downright disrespectful to let them keep looking for me when I’m alive and well in your expensive new apartment.”

“Who said the apartment was expensive?”

“It wasn’t half obvious. I mean look at this place…”

“That’s completely beside the point. If you go back there… goodness knows what could happen to you.”

“Is that really what this is about?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. I just can’t understand how a stranger can care so much…”

“A stranger. Don’t you think we’ve got past that yet?”

“I guess… but you cared the first time you saved me. I just… I don’t understand you.”

“Well at least we’ve got one thing in common. I don’t understand you either.” At that I wanted to say ‘yeah, just you and the rest of the world’ but I knew that would make him take the interrogation to another level.

“So… when can I go?”

“When it’s safe.”

“When will that be?”

“Look I don’t know. But what that… what he did to you… I couldn’t imagine the type of person he is.”

“You’re not supposed to imagine. And I’d appreciate it if you stopped bringing it up.”

“I’m sorry. But sometimes I wonder if you have any sense of danger at all.”

“I do. I was paranoid beyond belief the next day.”

“Yeah. I’m sure you were. But you seem to just be afraid to let anyone help you now. You’ve gone beyond mere consideration for others’ troubles.”

“Have I indeed. Since I’ve been here with you I have never felt more selfish in my life.”

“That’s exactly the point… oh I give up. Would you be happy if I said you could go back tomorrow?” I hesitated. Was it a trick question? That didn’t seem like a serious question coming from will, but then… maybe I had won the argument after all.

“Yes.” I hoped slightly, but at the same time I liked it here. I mean I loved it here. Being with William… we argued so much, but it was different than any other arguments I had ever had. And when we weren’t arguing, it felt like there was nothing in the world but the two of us. He seemed to genuinely care about everything I said or did or thought. He seemed to really care about me. Which is something I haven’t had for a long time. It’s something I’m not used to.

“Well then… I’ll drive you back to Seattle tonight. But you have to promise you that you’ll try to stay safe. And stay away from that… from him. I’ll come and see you, to make sure you are okay. But you have to stay clear of Paul too. You should really have told me that he drinks… but I suppose it was hard for you to expose so much to me. What do you say? Are you happy?” I hesitated yet again. He was serious. He was really going to bring me home.

“Is this how it feels?”

“How what feels?”

“Winning an argument. Do you feel like this all the time?”

“No… I take it you don’t win many arguments then.”

“Not exactly no.” I tried to remember ever winning an argument, but gave up. There was a short silence. I soon realised I was still wearing the silk pyjamas from last night.

“Could I maybe… go change?”

“Hmm? Oh yeah. Sorry yeah. You know where it is.” I smiled at him uncomfortably as he ran his hand through his hair anxiously and I then made my way slowly to the bathroom. I closed the door behind me, a little unsure about what I was supposed to think, or feel. Most argumental friendship prize goes to… Will and I. But what confused me most was why we argued, and how I felt about him when we stopped. He could tell that I was frustrated at him not letting me go home, and now he’s letting me! I know myself well enough to know that I am not a persuasive person, so why would he just give in to me like that?

I thought some more as I hunted in the closet for something to wear. I found my jeans from yesterday and a vest top to wear. It had thin black and white stripes running across it and the collar of it was lined with black lace. Perhaps I should have a shower…

“The water is on!” How did he do that! Oh well. At least I knew I could have a shower. I tried to push ‘the mystery that is William Harwell’ to the back of my mind, in fear of another heart wrenching argument. I took a shower and got dressed. I felt numb after our argument. I didn’t know what to feel, or maybe it was just that I didn’t know what I felt. After getting dressed I found a plain black cardigan and left the bathroom.

“You took your time.” William pointed out.

“Sorry.”

“Nah… how are you feeling?”

“Good.” Sure I did.

“Really?”

“I… I don’t know.” That’s more like it.

“You… huh.” He paused for a moment as he stood there, surprisingly still shirtless. “You mean… you just…” It seemed to confuse William as much as it did me.

“Don’t know. Yeah.” I walked past him slowly and sat down on the couch. He sat down beside me and fiddled with his hands like I was doing.

“I get like that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean the numbness. The feeling that you are dead and you have no idea what you are supposed to do.”

I hesitated to answer. “Does it ever go away?”

“Yes. But not easily.” I pulled my legs into my chest and began to fidget again. “It’ll pass. Just let it.”

“How do you mean?” he looked up from his hands at me, and something in his look made me shiver.

“Are you cold?”

“No I… no I’m fine.” His look changed slightly to that of disapproval. “I’ll stop using the word fine if it makes you happy, ‘kay?” he giggled and nodded.

“You don’t have to act so brave all the time you know.”

“Me? Brave? You’ve got to be kidding. I’m petrified of everything!”

“Yeah but you don’t show it. You hide everything. Is that a habit of yours?”

“I…” I was going to dictate him, but didn’t want to start another argument. “I guess so.”

“You guess so or you know so?” what a question, still I had to answer it.

“I know so.” he sighed.

“Well. I suppose I had better get dressed now. I bet I look like a right idiot sitting here with no shirt on.” That made me laugh. If it was possible to change a mood from non-existence to happiness in a matter if seconds, William had just succeeded in that. He wandered into the bedroom of sorts and opened the wardrobe that I had barely noticed existed. It looked exactly the same as the one in the bathroom. Will pulled out a light blue t-shirt and pulled it quickly over his head. Trying not to seem rude I turned around in my seat and fidgeted a little more. Rule number one of my life, when feeling uncomfortable, fidget.

It was quite an odd feeling, sitting here. I couldn’t quite describe it. The numbness was still there somehow, but something else was trying to overpower it. Something hidden away at the back of my mind. I tried to bring it forward, but William was back at my side before I could try to concentrate that hard.

“So… what would you like to do today?”

“I dunno… You said you’d tell me more about your brother today.”

“So I did. Later on perhaps. But now… what do you fee like doing?”

“I… honestly I don’t know. What can we do?”

“We can do anything you want… that doesn’t involve going outside.” What I really wanted to say was ‘then can we just sit while you have your arms around me’ but I knew that wouldn’t be appropriate. He said that we were more than strangers, probably more than acquaintances, but I don’t think he felt that way about me yet, if he ever would at all. There was a long and deafening silence as I contemplated what to say.

“Do you wanna just… talk?” I suggested, still thinking in deep consideration about what we should talk about.

“Why not? What would you like to talk about?”

“I dunno… anything!”

“Okay… did you have fun with Cassy yesterday?”

“Yeah. Yeah it was great. We went shopping, had lunch, went to the library then ordered a pizza. It was cool.”

“You went to the library?” he looked as if he thought that wasn’t a very appealing way to spend the afternoon.

“Yeah. I mean… she took me to the rare books section. Shakespeare’s journal was there and everything.” More fidgeting… he thought I was really nerdy now I knew it. I should have kept my big mouth shut.

“Oh you saw that? The library was one of the first places I went to when I came to Everett. I used to spend ages in that rare books section.” He was smiling now, in a way that made me think he was remembering something.

“So you had a good time then? And you got a new scarf.”

“Yeah… I told her I didn’t need it but… Cassy is very wilful.”

“Yeah…” he laughed, “ Cassy has always been an obstinate person. But that’s good. It looked good on you last night.” I blushed slightly.

“Thanks.” My eyes were on my hands as I continued to fidget. William moved his head to try and see beneath my hair. I felt his grin and we both started giggling for a reason that we both knew didn’t exist. His face turned serious though. He looked at me as I continued to fidget, desperate to find another route of conversation. His cold hands rested gently on top of mine and began to pull them apart.

“It’s okay.” Was all he said.

I looked up, to find him gazing at me in the same speculative way that he had many times before. The same way as when we walked last night. The same way as when he stopped my seizure. The same way as when he rescued me that night when he pulled me from the waters at Cambers Cliff.

End of Chapter 9

Chapter 10- A day in Paradise

Seeing as we had all day to talk, I didn’t mind that we decided to watch a movie first instead. ‘A good time for me to calm down’ he said. As if not being able to breathe would help me calm down. He had his arm around me the whole time, and breathing normally was out of the question. It was nice. Just him and I. We watched a British movie called ‘Run Fatboy Run’. It was hilarious. We couldn’t stop laughing the whole way through it. The closet with DVD’s in it really was full. If it wasn’t DVD’s it was CD’s. There must have been thousands in all seriousness. I had been too shattered yesterday to notice. As the credits ran, Will turned round to look at me.

“Lunch?” he asked calmly. I nodded shyly, still finding difficulty keeping my breathing in check. I think it got worse when the following things happened:

He looked at me. He spoke. He smiled at me. He touched me.When number 4 was taking place, I found it so hard to breathe normally that I forgot I needed too. I sat up from my casual ‘feet on the sofa’ position and William got up to make lunch.

“So…”

“Don’t you dare ask me what I want.” I interrupted him before he had a chance to let me make any decisions.

“Okay… Why?”

“Because I’ve had nothing more than what I want since I got here. Please, just make something you want for a change.”

“Well actually… I’m not feeling that hungry. I wasn’t gonna have anything. But you could eat something I like making?” he seemed a little… awkward. Cautious. Not eating? That made me feel worse. If anyone shouldn’t be eating it should be me. I mean… if he looked at me properly he would see that himself.

“Okay… Why aren’t you eating?”

“I’m just… not that hungry. Honestly.” He was getting touchy again, so I didn’t question him further in fear of spoiling the day. Not to mention the humongous fear of him not telling me more about his life before he met me. I don’t know what it was that intrigued me. I’ve just never met anyone more interesting than William. I think the fact that he tried everything as a way not to tell me about it made me more desperate to know.

“So… what you making?” I queried, to get rid of the silence, while Will was hunting in the fridge.

“Surprise.” He said smiling as he came out with a carton of milk, a block of cheese and a carrot. Who knew? “Why don’t you put a CD on or something? Or you could put another film on if you like. There’s a CD player in the cabinet. Or my ipod is on the docking station if you’d prefer.”

God, he had MORE music. I decided to check out his ipod, being almost certain that he would like most of the music on there. As well as wanting to know his taste. I went over to his ipod and began to hunt through the overwhelming flood of music that this small contraption contained.

I heard chopping noises from the kitchen as I continued searching. I found a band I recognised and pressed play. I loved their music and sat down at the counter, as I got lost in the words I knew too well.

“I love this song.” William called from the kitchen.

“Me too.” I replied so quietly I doubted if he’d heard me, but he smiled as if he had.

The smile hit me like a thousand hurricanes. It was not the fact that he smiled, it’s not as if it was the first time or anything. But something in it ruptured my entire being. Something in that innocent, seemingly insignificant smile burned in my soul and made me feel dizzy and out of control. It made me want to do something adventurous. Made me want to get a rush of adrenalin unlike any other. But it also made me feel even stronger about Will than I had before. At the time I had thought that would be impossible, but now I knew that it was not. Now I knew how I really felt about him. And it scared me.

I sat there watching him chop, crush and boil. He seemed to be making some kind of soup. It was interesting watching him. If I were the one cooking I would be hurrying about trying to get everything done in time, but he made it look effortless. It didn’t take long before all he was doing was stirring, but we didn’t talk. There was a moment when our eyes met, but both of us looked away so quickly that we didn’t reach conversation.

“Here we go…”

“What is it?”

“My own recipe, soup. Not sure what you would call it… but I’ve heard it doesn’t taste half bad.” He served me up a bowl of the orangey-cream soup. He had presented it very well considering it was only me. There was a swirl of a creamy white sauce in the middle and it was topped off by a leaf of parsley or something. It was so beautifully presented I was afraid to touch it, and spoil his masterpiece. I picked up the spoon and was about to start eating when I thought I might as well make conversation. I wasn’t letting him get away with watching me eat in silence, again.

“You’re really not gonna eat anything?”

“I told you I’m not hungry.”

“Do you ever get hungry?” his face became serious. I was joking. Why did he have that look? He saw my face and his features changed somewhat. As if he was laughing to his own secret little joke.

“Frequently.” He giggled. I began to eat the soup. He was right. I couldn’t think of a name for it either. I couldn’t quite describe what it tasted of, but it was delicious, that was for certain. It was thick, but not too thick and had a strong, rich taste, but it wasn’t too overpowering at the same time. It was… delightful.

“This is really good.” I said between taking large mouthfuls of Williams soup.

“I’m glad you like it.” We both sat there as I ate. It was funny how much at home I felt, and yet I knew so little about William. I still got the feeling that I knew more than he wanted me too, but I knew so very little. My curiosity will be the end of me, so Paul says. I was always too curious, but I couldn’t help it. The music from his ipod still hummed in the background.

“So… when are we gonna talk about you some more?” I couldn’t help myself. Something about made me need to know more. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. He sighed.

“Soon.”

“But when?”

“Later.” I sighed. I knew what that meant. Later meant never. Typical. “That reminds me, I hear you’ve never been to the theatre before?”

“Well yeah.”

“Well then. There’s a show on tonight, Wanna go with me?”

“Sure.” I remembered what Cassy said. I was going to insist that he didn’t have to go out of his way for me, but then I remembered that he loved the theatre and it would mean a lot to him, so I agreed. Besides, it meant a lot for me too. More than I wanted William to know. I tried to keep telling myself, it’s not a date it’s not a date. But it was no use. For me, it would always feel like a date. I would always want it to be a date, whether it were or not.

I knew there was no possibility of that kind of relationship between the two of us, not least of all because he would never date someone like me, but I didn’t know him. I felt like I did, but I didn’t. I mean, was William even his real name? Why is he so sensitive about his job? Or his family, why did they all go missing? One is bad enough, but his Father and his brother? The odds of it being a coincidence were astronomical. Then something occurred to me. What if none of it was a coincidence? What if all these separate little things weren’t separate all? What if they were connected?

“Faith?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you alright? You look… distracted.”

“No it’s… it’s nothing I was just… thinking. It’s nothing.” I tried to shake it out of me, but William continued to stare with his beautiful deep blue eyes.

“Sure?”

“Yeah… yeah.” I was still kind of out of it in a world of my own. Now that I had thought those thoughts… I would never stop. What was he hiding from me? Stop it Faith Stop it! You’re ruining it just forget it… Stop it! I kept telling myself. It wouldn’t go away. Why wouldn’t it go away? The more I tried to pass it from my mind the more it nibbled and scratched at my brain. I finished my soup quickly and got up to wash my bowl. I was surprised when William didn’t stop me. I let the water run for a bit to get it hot and began to wash my dishes.

“What’s wrong?” William was right behind me. He had his hands on my waist. I would have flinched from the sudden touch, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted him to wrap them around me. I wanted to be his. I set down the bowl in the sink and turned around to face him.

“I just…” oh God I was really going to tell him wasn’t I. In that second I felt my voice take a life of its own. I no longer had control over myself.

“Hold me.” I whispered. What had I done? The words had come out I couldn’t stop them. To my surprise and relief, William came closer. He was taller than me by about a head. His hands moved from my waist round to my back. He held me close to him. I nestled my head in his chest and his hand stroked the back of my head, keeping one hand on my back. I wrapped my arms up around his neck. It was heaven. He was cold, but it was so relaxing. I could feel his chest moving in and out against mine. His strong arms wrapped themselves around me. This was paradise. But I still wasn’t in control of myself. In fact I was less in control now that I was in his arms.

“You will tell me won’t you?” I whispered into his chest.

“About what?” he pulled me back slightly so that he could see my face.

“You.” he sighed. But then shook his head. Was that a no? He stroked my cheek gently. Oh God I was going to cry. No don’t do it! Faith pull yourself together you’ll make things worse!

“Of course I will. When the time is right. But I can’t tell you now. I’m sorry I’m so sorry. Can you wait?”

“Perhaps.” I wanted so much to say forever but that would just spoil everything. He looked down as if he was nervous. I had never seen him like that before. He had always seemed so… in control. So confident. Or angry, or worried, but never like this. He pulled me closer again. We just stood there. The music still played in the background. It was beautiful. Not just the music. The moment. Sure it was a long moment, but it wasn’t long enough.

He kissed my forehead and pulled away. My heart jumped and spinned in my chest as if it was trying to jump out, to get closer to William. His hands came up from my back and ran themselves up and down my arms, which were now at my sides.

“So… You want to come tonight?”

“Yeah.” I just about managed to get the words out. This is what Will had reduced me too. I wasn’t able to speak, think or breathe normally. But something told me that as long as I was with William, these feelings and unusual patterns of my being would soon become normal. If not, they would get more frequent and stronger as I grew closer to him. Will finished washing up and told me to go and sit down. I was just about able to walk over to the couch in the living room.

I couldn’t get my head round everything. What was I turning into? I was so confused. I had never felt as… blah as I did now. Blah is the only word I can use. I didn’t know what it was. It was like I could feel my blood bubbling, boiling in my veins. My heart beating so fast that I could feel the pulsating vibrations and tremors run through me like a stream running down a steep and rocky mountain.

I curled up and hugged my knees tight into my chest. I rubbed my cheek up and down them, trying to get my mind to think. But all I could think about was him. In the short time that I sat there alone, everything that he had ever said to me jumped through me and took control of my body. Every look he’d ever given me. Every smile. Every hint of concern and caring he had ever shown me.

What if… I couldn’t think like that. He couldn’t possibly like someone like me. Who would? Frankenstein couldn’t fall in love with me never mind an angel… oh God. Was this what I felt? Oh God I… no. No I could never allow myself that. I had to rid myself of these feelings I couldn’t love him. It would only end in my humiliation and, if I’m being frank, destruction. But I couldn’t help thinking… I’d rather risk my life and die for the sake of loving him, than live forever in utter loneliness and regret. Not to mention pain and emptiness. How had I let myself get in this deep? I didn’t know what to do, but before I could try to think anymore I felt William sit down beside me and put his arm around me.

“How you feeling?” his voice resonated with such caring and beauty in my ears. It made my insides churn and bubble. Made my heart try, once again, to jump out of my chest. I looked up at him to see him smiling down at me, with that smile that had made me realise my own confusion before. Does that make sense? To realise that you are confused. Although… I suppose now I knew it was greater than confusion. But I tried to shut thoughts like that out. All I could do was nod, although I knew that hadn’t answered the question.

“Faith?”

“I… I dunno… just ignore me.” I curled up again. He looked down beneath my hair to see my face. I was biting my hand in an attempt to focus, to redirect my thoughts. I pulled my hand from my mouth and gripped it with my other hand. I had bitten hard, but I was too deep in thought to realise. He pulled me into him and swung my legs over his, so as I sat sideways with my ear to where his heart was. He put his arm around to support my back and I pressed myself as close to him as I could get.

“I told you before, I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

“Huh?” I mumbled in his chest, more confused than before. That was a bit of random statement.

“Well… that’s what your thinking about isn’t it?”

“No.” I slurred in shock. He thought… huh. I hadn’t thought about that in a while. I’d been so busy trying to get my head around William.

“Well what were you thinking about?” I couldn’t tell him truth. Imagine that. ‘Oh yeah by the way I’ve just realised that I’m absolutely head over heals in love with you and there is nowhere else I’d rather be than in your arms.’ That would be a conversation and a half, not. He’d probably chuck me out or get totally freaked or… goodness knows what.

“Nothing. It’s not important.” That worked better. Or at least I hoped it did. I hoped with all my might that William wouldn’t realise how I felt about him. But more than that I hoped for the impossible. I hoped for a chance. I hoped… No Faith stop it you can’t give yourself that kind of false hope it will only make you feel worse. Just forget it please just forget it! The voice in my head was the voice of wisdom, and I tried to obey it. But being this close to William made it hard to think of anything else. Made it almost impossible. But I believed in the impossible… sometimes. William sighed.

“What do you want to do now?”

“I dunno.” I didn’t want him to get up.

“Wanna watch a movie? We could go out for dinner afterwards and then go on to the theatre. If you feel well enough.”

“I feel fine.” In that respect anyway.

“Alright. Anything you’re in the mood for?” I shook my head and sighed gently into his chest, but then decided it was about time I sat up on my own. I lifted my head off his chest but he kept his arms around me.

“I’ve got just the thing.” He smiled again. He swung my legs off of him again and got up to turn off the music. I sat there a little dazed for a moment, but William was back in the room before I knew it.

“I think you’ll like this.” He put a shiny silver disc into the DVD player and got it set up to play. It was a film called The Lake House. A drama as it seems. Drama, Romance, fantasy, my favourite movie genres. Well… I was a bit of a scary movie junkie at times too, but this worked. We snuggled up again and will put one of his arms across my shoulders pulling me into him gently. My head rested in his shoulder as we watched. It was a little confusing at first, but I soon got the idea.

It was a beautiful movie. The story was so sad but at the same time, intoxicating. It was really sweet and it made me want to cry. Two people in love. Always together, eternally apart. A love that crossed over time and reason and everything that made sense. It almost had me in tears by the end, but I was a sucker for movies like that. Don’t let me watch titanic without 5 boxes of tissues or a bucket to cry into. I would fill the bucket with my tears no doubt.

I didn’t understand what made me cry to films, or books for that matter. Maybe it was the fact that I knew I could never have what the characters had. A love. A life. An ‘other-half’. Someone to grow old with, or in the case of Romeo and Juliet, someone worth dieing for. William was worth dieing for, but that didn’t mean I wanted too. I would rather live for him instead. But I would rather be with him in death, than be without him in life. I was doing it again, confusing myself.

“Did you like that movie?”

“Very much.”

“Me too. The ending is sensational. And the producers were very smart in the way they made it. But it always confuses me at first.”

“Tell me about it.” Why did I have to open my mouth? He looked at me with those questioning blue eyes again. I had to look away.

“Well. It’s a little early to go to dinner, but Cassy got you something yesterday, to wear tonight.”

“What?”

“Look in the closet in the bathroom and see if you can guess which one it is.” he had a smile on his face as if he was looking forward to my reaction. I went into the bathroom with a spring in my step, both curious and frustrated at what Cassy had gone and bought me. I opened the closet to find that all of the clothes had been pushed to one side. All but one. Oh sweet Jesus. Hanging there on its own was a deep grey silk dress that looked like it must have cost two weeks of the worlds wages. It was beautiful, but she didn’t expect me to wear that did she?

I took the hanger with the dress out of the wardrobe to take a look at it. Typical. The price from the tag had been ripped off. She must have bought it when I wasn’t looking. It was my size. I was just about to put it back when I saw it against me in the mirror. It wasn’t bad. Not bad at all, it suited me actually. I turned back to the wardrobe to see a pair of suede high-heel shoes that matched the colour of the dress.

“It suits you.” William was slouching in the doorway.

“You don’t honestly expect me to wear this do you?”

“I expect you to wear whatever you want. But they make quite a big thing out of the theatre in this town. And I thought… well I thought…” he was stuttering. That was what surprised me most. “I thought we were… you know. Going together?” Did he mean… no. No he couldn’t. “Besides, I think it would like nice with your new scarf. You could use it as a shawl or something. Its up to you, but I thought it would be nice to go out properly.”

“Well… I’ll try it on. Its lovely and I’m grateful I just… why are you so great?”

“Don’t thank me. It was Cassy’s idea.”

“Hmm…” I stood there awkwardly, waiting for William to leave the doorway so I could get changed.

“Oh sorry…” he left the doorway and closed the door behind me. It was a beautiful dress. And it would be nice to dress up. I had never dressed up like this before in my life. What had he meant by together? That sentence was going to haunt me all night. Maybe he did think of me that way… but I couldn’t let myself think that. It’s not a date, it’s not a date, it’s not a date! It was no use. It would always be a date. He had said together. And I loved how that sounded.

I took off my clothes and slipped the dress on over my black underwear. One problem. The dress had a bear back. Oh ploy. I would have to go without a bra for one night. But once I had it on I forgot that. I had to admit, it looked alright. Okay it looked more than alright. Its straps were just silk bunched together at my shoulders. There was a band just beneath my breasts that ran around to the back of the dress. It was very floaty. It was one of those dresses that you wanted to spin around in and watch the skirt make patterns. The hemline came to just above my knee.

After that I tried the shoes. How did she know what size I was? I hadn’t thought of that before. I passed it from my mind and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked nice. But William was right; I needed a shawl of some sort. I found the scarf and tried it. It looked nice as a shawl. The outfit looked lovely, but I was a state. My hair was hideous at having been sitting down all day and my face was paler than usual. I found a hair brush and began to de-tangle my hair. It didn’t look so bad after that. I pulled it over into a side parting and realised there was nothing I could do about the paleness of my skin.

I took a deep breath. What if… it’s not a date it’s not a date. But what if… no it’s not a date! I slowly opened the door and peeked my head around the corner. Why is it that whenever I try to forget about how I feel about William he’s always shirtless? He stood there in a pair of loose black trousers. He was unbelievably good looking. Why, why did he torture me like this?

“Does it fit?” I opened the door more to let him see me. “Faith… you look… beautiful.” I blushed exceedingly. I couldn’t look into it too much though; he was probably just being polite. He put on a black shirt and buttoned it up quickly, never taking his eyes off me. He got a jacket that matched his trousers and put it on casually.

“Something’s missing…” he studied me. It made me feel uncomfortable. He walked over to me so that he was right in front of me. Even in heels he was taller than me. “I know…” he walked back into the bedroom and picked up a box on the bedside table. He opened it on the bed so that I couldn’t see what he was doing.

“What are you…”

“Close your eyes.” He whispered. I obeyed him. What was he doing? I could feel his hands around me neck. It tickled me slightly and made my heart bounce. “Open.” He whispered in my ears and turned me round to face a hanging mirror that showed my face and upper torso. A necklace. Trust Will.

“I was going to give it to you anyway. But once I heard about the theatre, I thought it would be a perfect opportunity for you to wear it.” It was a delicate silver necklace with a single white stone hanging in the shape of a diamond.

“What is it?”

“Diamond. I was going to get you a blue diamond, but I knew you’d object to it being more expensive.”

“You… What? Why did you… how much was it?” I was angry. What gave him the right to go spending obscene amounts of money on me? He’d done so much already I would never be able to pay him back.

“That doesn’t matter. You look stunning. And don’t you dare go telling me that I shouldn’t be “inconveniencing” myself. I wanted to.” He stood behind me and looked in the mirror with me. I could feel his cold breath on my neck. Why was he so cold? No doubt it was one of those things he couldn’t tell me. I ignored it, but I couldn’t help but want him closer to me again. I suddenly thought of something I hadn’t before. I had a real sense of déjà vu about all this. I knew I had seen something like this before. I began to laugh.

“What is it?” William giggled. I couldn’t stop myself. I kept giggling.

“What?” I turned round to face him and saw him smiling down at me. “I was so sure you were going to yell at me for buying you that.”

“Oh your not forgiven yet.” I sighed to myself.

“What is it?”

“Ever seen Pretty Woman?”

End of Chapter 10

Chapter 11- Pretty Woman

We both laughed, realising the similarities.

“At least pretty woman was the opera, not the theatre.” He said.

“Yeah. And you would never be forgiven if you ordered a jet to take us.”

“Yeah, it would be a pretty short flight.” We giggled. Something occurred to me that hadn’t before, but I didn’t want to spoil this moment. I would wait until dinner to bring it up.

William cleared his throat and stood up straight.

“Shall we go to dinner my lady?” he put on a deeper voice than his own and held an arm out for me to take. He did make me laugh, so I played along.

“It would be a pleasure kind sir.” I took his arm and he grabbed the keys to lock up. I let go of his arm while he locked up and he held my hand as we walked down to his car. I still got that rush when I saw his car, even though I had seen it before. It was just so… flash. So expensive looking. I would have to look it up when I got back to Seattle, find out what the damage was.

“Are you coming?” he asked, holding the door open for me.

“Oh yeah… sorry.” He smiled as I shook my head to snap out of it. I got in the car cautiously and waited for William to join me. For some reason I felt my heart pounding in my chest. Was I nervous? He reversed out of the garage and began to drive quickly away from the apartment. I fidgeted with my hands, yet again and tried not to meet William’s eyes. The car was a lot warmer than outside. It was a very calm, crisp night, but cold nonetheless. It wasn’t entirely dark yet, but the sun was behind the clouds and it was dark enough.

The only noise was the quiet hum the engine. He drove very fast but the car was so steady on the road that it felt like we were flying. I could hear my own breathing and tried to keep it steady. That thought of mine gnawed at my mind. I would have to ask him soon. It was something he had said earlier, but I had been so caught up in the day that I had forgotten.

“Here we are…” The car came to a serene stop.

“Where is here exactly?” I hadn’t actually asked where we were going for dinner.

“The Red Canal. French restaurant. Is… that okay?”

“Yeah… umm… yes lovely.” I giggled. I got out of the car and William took my hand, before walking slowly into the restaurant.

The exterior was stunning. There was a window displaying some of the inside of the restaurant and the name of the place was written in large deep red calligraphy above the window. A pair of deep red traditional curtains dressed the window with large black ropes holding them back and there was an outside seating area to the side of the place. The tables outside were mostly set for two but there were some extremely large tables and the odd table for four. All of the tables, both inside and outside were square in shape and were candle lit with a white, black and red rose on each table in a clear glass vase.

William led me inside and we waited for someone to get us a table. Most people sat inside, because of the cool weather this evening, but some still sat outside under big red umbrellas. There were patio heaters outside so I’m sure it wasn’t too bad, but most sat inside to enjoy the fireplaces that blazed in the large, maze-like room. It was all one room, because there were no doors or specific exits as such, but there were various little niches to give people more privacy at their tables.

“Table for two?” a young man with blond hair and bright green eyes came to lead us to our table. He wore black trousers, a white shirt and a deep red tie with a red waiters apron around his waist.

“Yes please.” William said in that beautiful, forceful voice of his. The man smiled an artificial smile and began to lead us through the maze to a private table near the back of the restaurant.

“Thank you.” William hinted for him to leave. The young man gave us two leather bound menus.

“Anything else I can get for you?”

“No thank you we’re fine.” He smiled that sad smile again and walked out awkwardly. We both opened the menus and spent the next few minutes in a not-so-awkward silence. There was gentle music purring in the background and a low hum of civilised conversation.

“So, what do you think?” he put the menu down and folded his hands, looking around the room and then back to me.

“Of this? I think your insane.” He smiled, and so did I. I added, “But I like it.”

“Me too. Sometimes insanity is better than reality.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.” I folded up my menu, having decided what to get and fidgeted with my hands again. I tilted my head forward slightly so that my hair would hide some of my face, to avoid William’s constant stare.

“What is it?”

“Nothing I just… do you have to stare like that?”

“Sorry.” He didn’t stop though. That made me giggle, ad he laughed too.

“You don’t have to be nervous.” His voice was softer than before. Quieter and, if possible, even more seductive. I looked up to see him staring deep into my eyes. I couldn’t look away. He held me there with his eyes, and they burned into mine with more fire than I had ever felt before. More beauty and power. I actually gasped before finally being able to look at my hands and away from his penetrating eyes.

“It’s okay.” He said steadily. A pale hand reached out slowly to pull the hair away from my face and clasp my cheek gently. He smiled that endearing smile again, before letting go of my face and standing up slowly. My eyes followed his, as I once again took a breath.

“I’ll be back in minute.” He kissed my cheek gently before walking out of our little alcove gracefully and disappearing behind a deep red wall. I gasped again. A tear slipped from my eye. I wiped it quickly from my face, unsure why I would cry now. But I knew, it wasn’t because I was sad. I was overwhelmed. When he kissed me, his cold lips burned into my skin. I could still feel them. I could still feel his hand on my cheek, his arms around me earlier, his eyes pouring fire into mine.

I would never be the same person I was when I got back to Seattle. And I would never want him to leave me. But I had to leave him. The police were looking for me for goodness sake. I had no idea what I would say to them, but I’d think of something. I was more worried about when I would see William again, if ever. I tried to pass that from my mind, so that I could enjoy this evening.

I shuddered slightly, feeling a little lost. I looked around, only to see the fire blazing in a black stone hearth to my left. The restaurant was designed very well; it made you feel like you were at home. Or rather, that you weren’t in public view, which you weren’t really. Every table was private. Every image inviting and cosy. I liked this restaurant a lot. It was very smart, the way it was made. If more restaurants were like this, people would never feel the need to eat dinner at home again. Although I’m sure prices would be enough to get you out of a home.

William re-entered and sat down in his seat across from mine, a subtle smile on his beautiful face. The firelight and the glow of the candles made his face even more handsome. Specks of the light danced like rubies and yellow diamonds in his eyes. I didn’t look away this time. I felt a bit more prepared now that I had time to think, but his glare still shocked me slightly.

“Wine for the lady?” the waiter had entered with a bottle of red wine. William. I nodded after a moment, trying to snap out of it. He poured me a glass and then William. The waiter left the bottle in a silver ice bucket and edged cautiously out of the room.

“It matches the colour of your hair.” William stated. “Almost.” He took a sip from the crystal glass and looked back to me.

“Yes. Yes I suppose it does.” I hid in my glass, a little uncomfortable.

“God I love your hair.”

“Why?” he laughed at that.

“Why not?” I smiled slightly and pulled my hair over my face a little. “But I don’t like it when you use it as a mask.” He pulled my hair away again and stroked my cheek as he had done before.

“I figured.” He smiled again, and the waiter returned to take our order. He looked to me first with one of those looks that made me feel awkward. I cleared my throat.

“Coq au vin please?”

“Certainly miss. And for you sir?”

“Same please.” I didn’t know why I blushed. But when William looked up at me then, I did.

“Anything else I can get you?” Will looked at me; I shook my head, silently telling him I was fine.

“No we’re good thanks.” The waiter smiled again and left us once more. Now that we were really alone, I thought I might take my chance to ask that question that had been bothering me for some time now. I took a sip of my wine, which I shouldn’t really be drinking, and thought of how I should start.

“Will?” nice and simple.

“Yeah?”

“You know earlier, when you said you’d take me back tonight?”

“Oh. Do you still want to go back?”

“Well… yeah. But maybe… maybe we could postpone it. Like until tomorrow? Its just… this is all lovely and… well it will be quite late by the time we get back and… do you get it?”

“Yeah. Don’t worry about it. I think… I think I can take you tomorrow morning if you like, but we’ll see.”

“Thank you. But I wouldn’t want you taking another day of work just for me. I don’t want to get you into trouble.”

“Nah, Ravenwood won’t mind. It depends on other things.”

“What things? Hold on, you work for Ravenwood?”

“Well, not exactly, but I work with him. There are things that I can’t tell you, not yet. You know that.”

“But if I leave tomorrow then… when will you tell me?”

“You do want to see me again don’t you?”

“Yes, that’s my point.”

“Faith. The only reason I’m letting you go back there is because I’m planning to see a lot more of you. I need to make sure your safe. I would never just abandon you like that.” I blushed again. He had a knack for that didn’t he?

“How often will I see you?”

“Everyday, if you want me too.”

“But… how? I mean, we have to arrange to meet don’t we?”

“Don’t worry about that. You will see me, I promise.” His answer confused me. How was he planning to meet me if he didn’t know where I was going to be? Then something occurred to me. He knew where I lived.

“You’re not gonna come by the house are you? Paul will kill me.”

“What, he doesn’t let you have friends around?”

“Well…” I struggled to find the words. I didn’t have any other friends. Even if I did, I bet he wouldn’t let me have them over.

“Oh. Well don’t worry. Paul will never know. Just trust me.” that silenced me. He had one of those devious little smiles on his face that said, ‘It’s a surprise’ or ‘I’m doing something I shouldn’t’.

“So… what are you planning on saying to the police when you get back?”

“I don’t know. I’ll think of something.”

“You could always tell them the truth?”

“What good would that do?” he was about to say something so I interrupted, “Don’t answer that. But I’d rather just get it straightened out to the extent that I can breathe.”

“Meaning… you want to just forget about it?”

“Now you’re getting it.”

“But… what if it happens again?”

“I can handle it.” Not exactly true. But I knew exactly what I would do if it did.

“What, you gonna find another cliff to jump off?”

“No.” he would find some way to stop me, knowing him.

“Then you’re gonna overdose yourself?”

“Please just drop it okay. It won’t happen again.” My God he was good at guessing.

“Faith you can’t just… dismiss this. I don’t mind you lying to the police so that you can forget about it, but you can’t just… do that. I promised I wouldn’t let anything happen to you, and I intend to keep that promise.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“Just let me take care of the police. I have friends. You don’t have to worry about a thing.”

“What are you gonna say?”

“Don’t worry about that. But I won’t tell them the truth if you don’t want me to. Even though I should.”

“Thank you.” He was going to a lot of trouble. I still didn’t understand why he would do all this for me. “Would these friends of yours be the same friends who got Cassy into Art College?”

“Mostly. She told you about that huh?”

“Yeah. It seems I’m not the only person you have been kind to.”

“Nah, I do what I can.” We both giggled at his false pride. “No. She deserved a better lifestyle than she got from working in that restaurant. I didn’t actually need to do that much. Just give her a little nudge out of the door. That’s all.”

“You’re too modest.”

“Maybe. But so are you.” I blushed at his smile. It wasn’t long before the food came and there was a bit more silence between us both. I realised that this was the first time I had seen William eat. It was weird, almost unnatural watching him. And he looked like it was unnatural for him too, which probably shocked me more.

“What?” he noticed my curiosity.

“Its silly really.”

“No tell me.”

I gave in, “It’s just… this is the first time I’ve seen you eat.”

“Oh.” He smirked; clearly relieved it wasn’t something more serious.

“I did warn you.”

“Yeah you did. But I’m glad you told me. I would have been worrying about it all night if you hadn’t.”

“Really?”

“It only seems silly now because it was only… that. With you I can never tell if its serious or not.”

“You’ve been a pretty good judge so far.”

“Huh. You have no idea.” He looked slightly reflective. As if he was studying something in his mind. He looked up quickly as if he was trying to shrug it off, or stop me noticing. He was hiding something. He was always hiding something. This big secret he wasn’t telling me seemed to be involved in every aspect of his life. Everything we do together tends to bring up the ‘I can’t tell you’ conversation.

Maybe it was just bad luck, but it felt deeper than that. It felt like this big secret of his was surrounding me constantly. He had said his job could be dangerous. He also said that he wasn’t a criminal. His father and his brother both disappeared when he was younger. He clearly didn’t eat, or sleep all that much. He worked with Ravenwood, a man who quite frankly creeped me out a bit. He helps vulnerable strangers such as Cassy and myself and thinks nothing of it. Maybe he is an angel?

I’ve never seen an angel wear so much black though. Or walk about half naked for that matter. And angels couldn’t possibly be as seductive as Will. And I think that angel’s would be a bit less… I dunno. They wouldn’t be hanging out with the likes of Ravenwood anyway. Maybe he was in the army or something. Or… maybe he was like a spy. The thought amused me, but with the way he acted, it was certainly possible. I laughed at myself for the thought and continued trying to figure things out in my head until we had both finished eating.

We both sort of stared at each other for a while. It felt oddly natural, just sitting there listening to our surroundings while William fiddled with my hair. He told me off for fiddling and now he was doing it himself. Although this was a different kind of fidgeting, I gave him that. This was one of those; ‘I’m interested’ kind of fidgeting. I could tell from his crooked smile. Anything that I did, like that, was out of nervousness or feeling uncomfortable.

“Dessert menu Sir, Miss?” The waiter had come again while our plates were being cleared.

“Faith?” William asked me. Of course he would.

“No I’m good.” My main course had stuffed me to the brim. It wasn’t a very large portion, but I’m glad it wasn’t. It filled me up quickly. William shook his head at the waiter.

“Then tea or coffee?” William looked to me and I shook my head smiling.

“No we’re fine thanks. Just the bill please.”

“Very good sir.” He walked off with a quick glance back at me. He seemed to be looking at me a lot.

“Will?” I almost whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think… he may have seen a picture of me on the news or something. It’s just… he looks at me funny.” William seemed to find that amusing.

“What?”

“Oh Faith. I don’t think that is why he is looking at you a lot. Can’t you tell?”

“Tell what?”

“When someone fancies you.”

“What?” I almost shouted for shock. I had said will was good at guessing, but clearly not this time. “You can’t be serious…” I trailed off.

“Oh I am. He’s been giving me dirty looks all evening. Thinking what a lucky guy I am. And thinking how he will never end up with you in a million years.”

“Lucky?” Now that one made me laugh. I knew in that instant that he had to be joking. His face became sombre.

“You… you really don’t believe it do you?”

“Believe what?” I sipped what was left of my wine. William lowered his head and then looked up at my questioning face. His hand came up to my cheek for the thousandth wonderful time and his eyes burned into mine once more. His hand dropped and his face lowered again. “I’ll tell you later.” He said in his quiet, seductive tone of voice that made me want to know NOW. It seemed to bother him a bit, but he shrugged it off when the waiter came with a little ornately decorated plate carrying the bill sitting underneath two mints. Will took it quickly so that I couldn’t see and popped a mint in his mouth, edging the plate over to me.

I took the mint for the plate and twirled it in my hands for a moment, studying his expressions, before placing it on my tongue slowly. He signed his name at the bottom and took his credit card from his wallet in his jacket on the back of his chair.

“Back in a minute. Wait here.” He ran his hand down the side of my face and left me once more. I looked around myself once more. For some reason checking that everything was the same since my last browse and before I knew it, William was at my side again. I stood up and pushed my chair in and William grabbed his coat. He looked down at his silver watch and reached out a hand for me to take.

“We should arrive in perfect time. We shouldn’t need to wait too long.”

“Cool.” I managed to get out. He was holding my hand. I giggled at myself in my head. William Harwell was holding my hand. It’s not a date it doesn’t mean anything. But what if it did? No I had to stop giving myself false hope. It would only hurt more when I got too close without meaning to and he gave it to me straight. I had to stay as distant as possible from him. So I didn’t get scorched. Or maybe I had better just make the most of it while it lasted? Either way, I found myself still holding his hand. Still standing as close to him as I could get without tripping him up and still unable to breathe evenly.

He opened the car door for me and let go of my hand. I got in and waited patiently for him to get in too. He started the ignition, which hummed quietly to life, and began to drive, once more, through the dark maze of the city. He had his window wound down a little to let a nice breeze through and it wasn’t long until I recognised the theatre on the right hand side of the road. He turned right into what appeared to be a car park and got out at the entrance.

“Come on.” I wondered for a moment until I noticed a valet greet Will. I got out and William through him the keys.

“Enjoy the show William.” The Valet said, getting into the car.

“Thanks Carl.” Wow. He must come here a lot. William took my hand again and we walked casually into the theatre. There was a doorman in a burgundy jacket and black top hat. Now I knew what William meant when he said that people here took the theatre seriously, and I was immediately glad that Cassy had got me the dress. Even happier that I had agreed to wear it. William winked at the guy at the counter and he nodded back. What surprised me was that we didn’t wait in the queue like everyone else.

“Don’t we have to…”

“Its all covered.” He remarked casually. Then he whispered in my ear, “Stop worrying.” I blushed at the feeling of his cool breath on my cheek. It startled me a little, but I was too thrilled by our intimacy to flinch away. He led me up a grand staircase, still clutching my hand and suddenly stopped at the top.

“Don’t get mad okay?” his voice purred.

“Why would I get mad?”

“Or… well actually you might laugh.”

“Why?” he giggled at that.

“You’ll see.” He tugged on my hand gently, leading me round to a small corridor on our right. There were various curtains hanging on the left hand side and he led me up to one of the furthest ones along. The corridor seemed to just stop, so he led me behind the floor-length red curtain. He was right. It didn’t make me angry, it made me laugh. I looked at him as he motioned for me to sit down. We were in the balcony. I smiled and sat down assuring him that I wasn’t mad.

“It’s the best.” He whispered in my ear, sitting down himself. I giggled. We had a perfect view of the vast theatre. The stage was hidden by big red curtains and there was an orchestra almost directly beneath us. I wondered then what kind of show it was. I didn’t think that William was the type for musical theatre, and he had said it wasn’t opera. But who knew?

“Will?”

“Hmm?” he was gazing into the crowds below us and only looked up to see what I wanted.

“What exactly are we going to see here?”

“Oh. Well I’m sure you’ll recognise it when you see it. It’s a very big show. Everyone with any taste in theatre will either be here or will have wanted to be. Just relax; I wouldn’t make you watch something you didn’t want to.”

“I know… but I’m just curious.”

“As always.” He smiled. The musical introduction began and both of us moved closer, to get a better view of the performance. He was right, I did recognise it. Almost immediately. It was a musical, but not exactly modern or designed for children. This was a very famous musical indeed. He hadn’t told the entire truth when he said it wasn’t opera, because the title gave the story away. We watched the show in almost entire silence. The only sounds were gasps, the sound of tissues, the music, show and the odd comment made by Will. He had taken me to see the phantom of the opera, as it was meant to be seen. As a theatre performance.

I had only ever watched the movie. Granted I cried at that too. But it was so much more powerful as a performance. It was exquisite. The atmosphere and the music just absorbed you and made you feel like you were part of it. It was a spectacular show, and the ending was just… heartbreaking. The curtains closed and the orchestra ended the music on a very powerful note. Will and I both sighed at the exact same time and turned to face each other as we applauded. He took my hand and led me out of the balcony and back down the staircase. The crowds were filing out, but there were not as many as I thought.

“A lot of people stay to have drinks or congratulate the cast.” William pointed out.

“Oh, yes I was wondering.”

“I know.” He grinned. “Homeward bound eh?” I nodded with a huge smile on my face. I still couldn’t get used to holding William’s hand. I loved it, but at the same time I was worried my palms would get all sweaty. But Williams’s skin was cool on mine, so it was hard for them to do so. His car was waiting outside and the valet from earlier who William had addressed as Carl handed him the keys. William opened the door for me and got in himself. He turned the keys in the ignition and swiftly drove off, away from the theatre and towards a place that I could easily call, as Will had pointed out, home.

End of Chapter 11

Chapter 12- House or Home

We got back to the apartment. It was very dark outside now and bitterly cold. He led me into the room and threw the keys down on the kitchen worktop. He turned round to face me then, as I stood a little aimlessly just barely inside the apartment. He leaned over to me and stretched an arm out to close the door behind me. Our faces were so close. I could swear they almost collided. His breath was on my cheek, but he pulled away after that, realising our proximity.
“Did you have a good time?” he asked, to fill the silence.
“Yes. It was… wonderful.” It was. It really was. But I was so wound up in the electricity buzzing around the room that I could only barely breath enough to get those calm, understated words out. Inside, my blood was boiling, my heart was beating at a thousand times a minute and every cell in my body was crying out for air. Crying out for him. He leaned against the counter and looked at me as I stood there.
“You’re tired. You should get some sleep. Tomorrow will be quite a day.” his voice was… different. There was something else in it, something that wasn’t there before. He sounded, and quite frankly looked, depressed. I nodded. And finally found the strength to walk. I wandered over to the bed and sat on it, hugging my knees.
“Are you alright?” he followed me and sat down on the edge of the bed.
“I was about to ask you the same question. Did I do something wrong?”
“No. I… why would you… why would you think that?”
“You seem… different. You look sad. Have I upset you?”
“No you haven’t. Not at all its just… do you have to leave tomorrow?”
“You know I do. I can’t just forget that life never existed. I can’t just abandon it and leave it in chaos.”
“Yes you can. You can do anything you want. Stay.”
“No. I can’t… I have to sort this out. I have to.”
“Who are you trying to convince? Me? Or yourself?”
“What does that matter? You know I can’t just leave things as they are.”
“Do you want to go? I mean do you really want to go back to that?” he was staring me deep in the eyes now. I couldn’t answer him. I was obligated to go back. I had to. But he was right. He is always right. I didn’t want to leave. But if he knew the whole picture, if he knew exactly why I wanted to stay… I can’t bear to think of it.
“Well?”
“I have to.”
“That’s not what I asked. Look me in the eye and tell me you want to go back. Look me in the eye and tell me that you want to leave.” A tear ran down my cheek and my mouth opened to take in air. I couldn’t lie to him, but I couldn’t tell him the truth either. A cold, soft hand came up to my face. It wiped the silent tears beneath my eyes and ran itself down to my neck. I couldn’t find the words. His thumb traced around my ear, his whole hand was wrapping itself around my neck, then down to my shoulder.
“Why do you care so much? Why can’t you just let me go?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Well, no. Not to me.” his hand came up from my shoulder and underneath the sleeve of my dress. It clasped my shoulder and he moved in closer, his other hand coming up to my teary eyes.
“Can’t you understand? You must know by now how I feel about you.” was he really saying this? Was he real at all? Did he mean it? I couldn’t find the words. At all. Nothing came out. My eyes were swelling again, and my mouth opened as if I was trying to speak, but I couldn’t. All the air in my lungs was rushing back to my heart in an attempt to keep it beating. He looked down awkwardly, and then up into my eyes. He was telling the truth. He meant it. He meant every word.












“Faith? Are you okay?” I still couldn’t say anything. Nothing was coming out. My mind was blank. How romantic. He’s sitting trying to pour his heart out to me and I sit there like a complete retard. I looked down. Oh God. Why, why now? Of all the times to cry, why would my eyes choose now?
“Faith. If you want me to stay away from you, if it’s too hard after all that’s happened, just say. I don’t want to hurt you. But I meant what I said. And it will take me a very long time to get over you. You have no idea. But if that’s what you want…”
“No.” finally I can speak.
“What?”
“You… what exactly are you saying? Because knowing me I just heard what I wanted to hear. You feel about me… how, how do you feel about me?”
“I can’t believe you don’t know. I think… okay I know I’m falling in love with you. Faith. Before you I have never felt this happy. Before you my life was empty. My life was… work. It was hard to keep going. There was nothing that made me want to exist. But then you… you were so stupid. You jumped off that cliff, and I had to save you. We hadn’t even met and you had me. Then you spoke. You have the most beautiful voice. You’re like an angel, and you don’t even know it. Faith I think you are the most amazing person I’ve ever met. And if you don’t feel that way about me, I’ll back off. But it will just be so hard. I guess I’m kind of hoping you will say you like me too, and get me off the hook.”
“You… you…” I stuttered. Very smart. Was he serious? He was. I read it in his eyes. Oh those eyes… they were so beautiful… no stop it! “You really mean it don’t you?” he was playing with my hair now, and looking deep into my eyes.
“I do. And I know its crazy, we hardly know each other. But I know you more than I know anyone. And I want to know you more, if you’ll let me.”
“Do you even need to ask?”
“Kind of. I can’t tell if you’re happy with me or just happy not to be at home.” I shuddered at the word, and William seemed to notice.
“I’m happy with you. I have never been so happy.” Don’t say it, don’t say it! “Are you real?” and I had finally lost all control of my senses.
“I wonder that myself sometimes. But yes. I am real. I’m here. The big question is, are you happy with me the same way I am with you?”
Speak. Faith, speak. Words, words are good. It doesn’t have to be a speech just something half intelligible. Screw intelligible. Just say something! Anything, just words… any words… for goodness sake say something! Pull yourself together Faith!
“I… you are everything to me.” last minute control over words. If I had said what I was about to say… I dread to think. A tear ran down my cheek. William looked deep into my eyes, seeing the truth in them, and took my head in his cool, soft hands. He leaned in closer, slowly, still wiping my gentle tears and rubbed his nose softly against mine. I breathed in the soft, warm air coming out of his mouth and swallowed. I couldn’t think anymore. Only feel his hands on my skin. His lips gently touched my forehead and his nose rubbed against mine once more, as both of our breathing patterns got heavier, quicker.
“Stay.” He whispered softly. “Please.”
“I can’t. I have to sort this. Will you still come to see me?”
“Everyday. I promise.” The tears were gradually slowing. He continued to wipe them away with his thumb and kissed my cheek softly, his lips only barely touching my pale skin. It tickled and made me smile slightly. This was really happening. Holy cow this was really happening. His hand ran its way up and down my arm. His skin was forever cool, and it made me shiver slightly, the sensation more than the temperature. His other hand came up to my right cheek again and seemed to study all the lines and curves of my face. It was as if he was doing to me, with his hand, what I had done so many times to him with my eyes.
He had raised cheekbones but they weren’t gaunt looking, they were subtle like all of his beautiful features. His eyelashes shielded his eyes to the perfect amount that they were beautiful, but not feminine. His lips were a soft pale colour of red that only he could get away with, and his eyes, oh his eyes, they were like beautiful sapphires with specks of diamonds and a hard black centre that contrasted perfectly with the boldness and beauty of the deep blue pupils.
Then his hand moved down from my face and down to my thigh. He swung my legs around to rest across his and lifted me up. I curled into him as the last of my tears fell from my swollen red eyes. I could feel his lips gently caressing my hair. I felt him sit down on the bed, with his back to the tall mahogany headboard. But he kept me steady in his arms.

“Stay.” He whispered so softly, so tenderly in my ear.

“I can’t.” I wanted to say I would so badly, but I just…I couldn’t.

“Please.” The words that came from his perfect lips made me want to cry.

“I can’t.” There was a deep and sorrowful pause flopping in the air as William sighed.

“Fine. Go. But you must promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“Promise me that when I can’t be there for you, you’ll look after yourself. Just take care of you, okay?”

“Okay.” I’ll try. He kissed my head once more and I felt my body automatically try to get as close to his as much as was physically possible. I curled up and rested my palm on his chest. I was helplessly tired, but I dare not move. I just wanted to rest here a while, or, perhaps, forever. 

He sighed. “Time for you to get some sleep.” He began to get up, gently pushing me over onto the bed and off his legs, but I clung to him like it was matter of life and death.

“No…” I pleaded in a faint whisper.

“You’re tired, you have to rest. A few days ago you were inches from death and like I said, busy day tomorrow.” My teary smile turned into a teary frown. I nodded but found myself still clutching his shirt. He gently pried my hands from his chest and stood up. I pulled myself off the bed too.

“What are you…” Will started to ask.

“I’m not going to sleep in this dress, am I?” he giggled at that.

“Woops.” I smiled and stumbled into the bathroom, picking my shoes off the floor as I went.

 My head was screaming at me so loudly I could barely think. Or was it my heart? I couldn’t tell whether I was flying or falling. A certain joy and desperation to scream and start jumping up and down overwhelmed me, that I can be certain of never having felt before. Although I couldn’t understand it, there was no doubt in my heart or my head that his words were purely truth.

 I got changed out of the beautiful dress I wore and into the black satin pyjama’s I had on the night previously. I hung my dress up in the wardrobe and put the shoes back on the shelf at the bottom. Then, taking a long, deep breath, I eased the handle of the bathroom door down and headed back over to the bed, trying my hardest not to look at William, who was, as I had expected, standing by a mahogany chest putting his shirt away.

Meaning the shirt was no longer on his back.

Meaning I had to focus very hard not to stare at his beautiful body.

 I successfully got over to the bed without passing out by keeping my eyes trained on my bare feet and pulled the red satin covers back and then over me again as I clambered in.

“Did I ever tell you those PJ’s suit you?” William smirked from the end of the bed.

“No.” I muttered breathlessly, trying to keep my eyes away from his chest and on my hands.

“What’s wrong?” he came over to me and sat on the edge of the bed again, stroking the hair away from my face. I loved the way he got all concerned at nothing. But I couldn’t stop myself after that, it’s as if his voice dragged my eyes up to him. He looked down at himself as I studied him.

“Oh. Sorry. I’m not used to having female company. Guess I don’t really have good manners in that area.” He looked down at himself. “But… is that all?” he giggled.

“Yeah. I guess I’m just not used to…”

“Half naked men?” he grinned as if he could barely contain the hysterics.

I let out something that was halfway between a sigh and a laugh. “You could say that, yeah.” We both giggled as he continued toying with my hair and I continued to stare. His skin was almost a sickly shade of white, but it glowed flawlessly in the soft lamplight. I say flawlessly, but I then noticed something small, barely recognisable, on his chest, directly above where his heart would be. A scar. Had William been shot?

 I began to trace it lightly with my fingertips. Maybe Will had a vulnerable side too. It was a straight line. I didn’t know much about bullet wounds but I imagined they left more of a… star shaped scar, not a line. Williams’s hand clasped around mine, and pulled it away from his chest. I gave him a look that screamed ‘tell me’.

“Soon.” He replied my look. “Time for you to rest. No more talking tonight.” He sighed and wandered over to the couch, turning the light in the bedroom off as he went. I was surprised how he found his way in the dark, I knew I would probably be tripping and falling everywhere. But all I heard were gentle shuffling noises, the sound of his feet against the carpet.

Once all the sound was gone, I had to start and control my breathing, or try to at the very least. I was suddenly self-conscious in the silence about it. Was it too loud, or too fast? The more I worried about it the harder it was to breathe normally. I heard William shuffle about a bit on the couch, and sigh softly, so quietly I could barely hear. I was, regrettably, tired. But there wasn’t a chance in hell that I was going to sleep like this.

 Apart from the shock and many thoughts jumping and spinning and pounding in my brain, something else was holding me back. It made me feel awkward and kind of… dizzy. It was really warm, but that wasn’t it. The large satin covered bed I lay in felt huge. I felt tiny. The bed was just so empty. I knew what I wanted. But… would that just scare him. God, I knew it scared me. But I wasn’t a big deal. I just…

Before I could argue any more with myself I was out of bed. My eyes were mostly adjusted to the lack of light so I got into the living room without falling over anything.

“Faith? You okay?” Williams’s hushed whisper swam through the air to me.

“Will.” I stood behind the couch so that my chin rested on the back of it.

“What’s wrong?” he sounded worried, again, and sat up quickly taking hold of my hand before leading me around to face him.

“Yeah. I just…” I sighed. “Will I… I just wanna be close.” He sighed, seeming relieved, and gently pulled me onto the couch with him. I slid in beside him. I fitted perfectly.

“Promise you’ll sleep?”

“Cross my heart, hope to…”

“Don’t finish that sentence, I believe you.” He let out a relieved giggle. “Okay.” He kissed my bare shoulder and put an arm around my waist for support.

 He held me against him just enough that I felt impossibly close, but comfortable and not suffocated at the same time. This was better. It was much better. It was too warm in the bed, but his body temperature was just nice for how I felt, and the feeling of his protective arm around my waist and his cool breath on my neck and his strong body pressed against mine, fitting perfectly, just felt so… perfect. So relieving. Before I knew it sleep had overwhelmed me and I can finally say that I have never felt more happy or at peace until this moment.

Light. My eyes opened slowly and eagerly to the soft glow of a side-table lamp. It must be morning. I stirred, and took a deep breath, before finally getting up. Something smelt good. William was cooking, typical Will.

“Sleep well?” he asked, dishing up a plate of French toast.

“Yeah. I thought I was dead for a while there I slept so deep.” William seemed to find that humorous and I suddenly became conscious that I had just woken up. He set a glass of orange juice beside my plate on the ‘bar-style’ worktop.

“Breakfast.” He stated and I sat down in my usual seat. Mmm… it smelt good.

“You know I think you have me hooked.” He giggled and leaned on the worktop, watching me eat, the same way as always. I looked up from my food and eyed him suspiciously.

“I already ate.” Seriously could he read my mind? I giggled internally at the thought. It felt good to have food inside me. I had been hungry.

“Tell me the truth.” I said once I had finished. “Just how ‘bed-head’ is my hair right now?” he giggled.

“Its pretty ‘bed-head’. But I like it.” He smiled a cheesy little crooked smile. I reached up to try and fix it by running my hands through it, but he pulled my hands down again and leaned in to kiss my forehead.

“By the way,” William took a more serious stance. “About today? When I said I’d take care of the police and stuff, I mean it. So would it be all right it Ravenwood came with us?”

“Sure.” I was secretly hoping it would just be Will and I, but it would save me some trouble anyway. I would be eternally grateful for not having to explain my own disappearance.

“All done?” William said once I drank my orange juice.

“Yeah. Thanks.” He lifted my plate and cup and took them over to the sink. To my surprise he just left them there so I got up and stumbled up behind him. “So… you’re defiantly taking me today?”

“Yeah. Unless of course… you’ve changed your mind?” he looked hopeful. I felt bad for him.

“No, I’m going.” I sighed. The words were like flaming knives leaving my mouth and I saw them pierce Will by his expression. I wonder if he knew they hurt me too?

“Okay. Why don’t you go and get ready.”

“’Kay. When are we leaving?”

“Whenever you feel ready, and when Ravenwood gets here.” I smiled and then headed reluctantly away from William and over to the bathroom to get ready.

“Mind if I have a shower?”

“No feel free. Take your time, we have all day.” I smiled again and closed the door behind myself.

I couldn’t get my head around it all. Me! Me of all people would be in an apartment with him. Having just slept beside him, wrapped in his arms. Call me sad, I don’t even care, I don’t care about very much right now. All I want to do is smile until I’ve smiled my way to the grave and jump up and down and lie in his arms and never ever ever leave.

Leave.

I have to. I know I do. I can’t just disappear off the edges of the map! But… I don’t want to. Every cell in my body is fighting with cells around it. One tells me ‘go! You have to stop the police. You have to end this. You can’t just leave everything in chaos.’ Another says ‘don’t go! You’re missing a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity here! The man of you’re dreams actually wants you and you’ve never been so happy in your life since you’ve been with him. You have to stay!’ even more said that Will was going to see me anyway and that it was my duty to go.

OH MY HEAD! I just wanted to press pause, or mute, or… something to stop all this noise! All these thoughts inside my head were kicking at my skull fighting to get out.

Think calm.

Just take a shower and get dressed. We’ll deal with the rest later. Yes that’s what we’ll do.

Why I thought of myself as ‘we’ I had no idea, but I pressed pause in my head and got out of my pyjamas. A nice relaxing shower, that’s all I needed. I found a towel in the closet and set it on the floor in front of the shower, before climbing in and turned the water on. The soothing warm water slid over my body in gentle splashes and waves. Mmm… that felt good… all my fading bruises and other injuries seemed almost non-existent now. Trifling nothings that didn’t need to be thought about.

 I wondered what would happen when I got home. Home. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again; it just doesn’t sound right to say the word. Not when I think of my house anyway. All my supposed ‘home’ is, is a roof over my head and four walls to keep the noise of Paul’s fights with me hushed. Sometimes people can still hear us from out side. You sometimes get the odd person peering in from the street to see what’s happening. No one stops, of course. No one helps. Why would they? After all, they don’t know me. Why would they even think things were as bad as they are from the scene of us arguing?

 I thought back to that shimmering lake, that place where, for a very short time, I called home. It sounds ridiculous but even now it feels more like home than the house in Seattle ever did. But this apartment, (that I’ve been staying in for how many days?) Oh well, doesn’t matter, anyway, this apartment feels so much like home, or what I imagine home should feel like, its hard to think that in no time I’ll be leaving it.

 And William? Will was smart, funny, mysterious, not to mention beautiful, and he liked me just the way I was. He actually liked me. I had barely noticed that my heart had started to beat faster when I started thinking about him, however cheesy it sounds, I can feel it.

 Funny how cheesy expressions you think come from nowhere turn out to be true.

I sighed.

Home. Where?

Here.

But I had to go. I had to sort this out. It was my duty, I had no choice. I needed to end this. Who knows? If William hasn’t got bored of me in a few years maybe we can find a home of our own, away from that place.

No! Faith, stop it! You can’t think like that. Don’t be ridiculous; it’s been what 8 hours from he told you he cared and already your planning on moving in with him? Oh just stop it!

I turned of the water and got out of the shower. My hair felt clean, my body felt warm… and my head hurt like mad. It was as if there was no pause button anymore. Not so much as a mute to try and think for two seconds. After quickly shoving on the cheapest looking pair of jeans and stripy top I wore the other day I sat down on the floor.

Breathe. Just breathe. It’s going to be okay. It has to be okay.

Time to go. I pulled on my converse I had been wearing the day I ran away and got up of the floor. I hung my towel over the radiator and left my pyjama’s folded neatly on top of the linen basket. I opened the door, and left the bathroom.

“You okay?” Will asked.

“Fine.” I smiled. “Absolutely fine.”

  Will stuck to his usual dress code of black. He wore a plain black t-shirt with loose black jeans. His feet were still bare and his dark hair looked perfectly messy just drooping over his face.

He smiled. It was one of those ‘I bet you don’t know what I’m thinking’ smiles, and he was right, I didn’t have a clue. I felt my cheeks fill up with blood.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Getting a bag for you to pack.”

“Pack?”

“What use would I have for a silk dress and twenty pairs of girls’ jeans?”

“Uh…”

“Exactly. You may as well have them. Anyway, you suit them.” He smiled again and eyed my shirt. I was beginning to wonder why he was so happy. I know I wasn’t.

“But what about…”

“Stop worrying about the prices. They didn’t cost me anything, and even if they had, I wanted to give them to you. Besides, when I found you, you kind of needed the clothes.” He smiled again, but there was something else in his smile this time. It was almost sorrowful. He looked like he was in pain but smiling to cover it up, like a nervous laugh.

“I guess so…”

“Good. So will you help me pack? I think there are some things in that wardrobe that are not suitable for male eyes.”

“Oh… there probably are… um… I’ll just go…”

“Yep. I’ll be… calling Ravenwood, to see what time he’ll get here at.” Awkward moment, awkward moment, awkward moment! William stared at his feet as he left the apartment, giving me enough to time to quickly pack any underwear or other ‘female things’ into the black wheelie suitcase he left out for me. I got a few pairs of jeans to put on top of that from the bathroom and, right on queue, William re-entered the bedroom to help me. A question probed in my head.

“Didn’t cost you anything?”

“Oh you think… I’m no thief.” He laughed. “I just know some people. Don’t worry its perfectly legal for you to have these.” He laughed.

“So what time is Ravenwood gonna get here at?”

“After lunch, around two.” I sighed, so I would have one more meal here. Just one.

“You look nice.” He walked closer.

“You always say that.”

“Maybe you always look nice.” He giggled. “I made a promise that I would visit you every day, if I could, I’m going to keep that promise.”

“And?”

“I know that look. When I leave you off at your house, that won’t be the last you’ll see of me. You’ll probably see so much of me you’ll be fighting me off with a stick for being so persistent and stalker-like.”

“If that’s possible.” I smiled.

“Just… don’t worry, okay? I keep my promises. Trust me.” That ‘trust me’ sounded almost like an order. Almost. But it was an order I was very willing to obey. Very willing indeed. Trust him. Maybe Will was the one person on this planet I could trust. Even considering that I barely knew him.

“I trust you.”

“So how ‘bout it? One last movie before you head home?” I nodded. “Well, take your pick.”

“No. You choose this time. I want you to choose.”

“Oh. Okay.”

I lay in his arms as we watched it. A film called ‘The Illusionist’. I would never have thought of picking it, but I’m glad he did. It was incredible. Magical. A true forbidden-love story/ thriller/ fantasy/ conspiracy. It was every genre you could imagine. But most of all, it was magnificent. It was about a young peasant, who fell in love with a Duchess. She was obligated to her title, but the peasant boy wanted to be a magician. He was extremely talented. The young girl and him decided to run away together, but they were caught, and never saw each other again.

 At least not for 10 or 15 years. By that time, the young magician had fulfilled his dreams, and become a famous magician called Eisenheim. He met the duchess again, who was to be married to the crowned prince, and set up a plot to make everyone believe she was dead, so that she and he could be together, and the prince put in prison for her murder, which almost occurred for real. It ended with the world believing the duchess to be dead, but she actually lived on a modest farm with the love of her life, and they stayed together forever, until they would lie side by side in their graves.

Magnificent.

End of Chapter 12

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